A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is really very confusing but please bear with me. There is this guy who I have been chatting to for over 6 months, he is like my best friend but we have never met (we have discussed it, just not really gotten to it as I live 2 hours away by car). We chat by text every day, all day (when we both have time anyway). The texting can be about anything, he'll text me in the morning, asks how I am or what I am up to, etc, he even has an x at the end of all my texts and he'll tell me what he has been doing if he has delayed replying even though I haven't asked. He will also initiate conversations if I think I ended it, I will get a question to start a whole new conversation. I was honest with him from the moment we started to chat, I am not into friends with benefits, I will not do one night stands its either friends or a relationship and he was fine with that even saying he felt the same. We used to voice note each other a lot as it was more convenient for both of us than just calling. The problem is that he tends to have a drink and depending what he drinks he starts trying to push me away only to seem to regret it the next day. Recently, after a similar fueled day, he told me he was sorry but he doesn't need anyone liking him and cannot have something serious at such a young age (he is 25, I am 9 yrs older... I know yeh) but he wanted to be friends. I was understanding and said if that is what he wanted then that was fine. For the first week we were doing ok, I would not reply too quickly and one day he sent me a bit of a naughty text, I didn't reply in the way I normally would and he instantly asked me what was wrong as I wasn't being myself. I said I thought you made it quite clear last night you preferred I wasn't myself. He said oh ok x and we left it. I decided to clear the air and say that we could be friends and I understand he wanted nothing serious, I did though, but that did not mean that he should feel under pressure that I wanted a relationship with him. He didn't really say much to that but since then we have been much better. I still try not to text immediately but it does feel like we are good friends again. Here is where the problem is now, over the holidays he has been super flirty including more voice notes and talking to me about what to buy for presents etc. He tried to turn a conversation really naughty again and I flirted but I stopped it from turning to anything friends with benefits-ish. The point is I cannot keep doing this, I like this guy and I feel like I am just living with a phone. I want a relationship but at the same time I really like him and cannot get myself around to putting effort into finding someone else. I moved recently and so have little friends and family around me to go out with. I feel like I am caught up in a wave of my emotions and I really don't know what to do. I am not inexperienced when it comes to men but I am when it comes to the internet and texting. Could someone please advise me if there is anything there or if I am just part of a one sided flirting game. He has been there for me recently when I really needed help, which has me feeling even closer to him. I just don't know where else to turn for some advice. I know we haven't met and I shouldn't like someone I have never met before but I can't help it. I haven't trusted someone this much for a long time, I know how silly this sounds but I want someone else to look in from a new point of view.
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best friend, flirt, friend with benefits, one night stand, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2016):
 Apart from texting and voice calls have you ever saw this guy over web camera or even have him on facebook? It sounds to me like it could be just about anyone that you are talking to and you need to make sure that he is who he says he is. He sometimes goes cold like he is guilty about something, I wonder if he is who he says he is.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 December 2015):
 I think you have to ask yourself what you want out of this chatting. Where do you see it going?
From what you write he is bit immature, he is focused on sex (not abnormal) but he is NOT looking for anything serious, which would lead me think that he is hoping for some sex with an older and maybe more experienced woman (you) at some point in time.
Do you really NEED another friend? One who lives 2 hours away and that you haven't even met in knowing him for 6 months?
I think he is a nice guy, but there is no future here. He has stated that QUITE clearly, and you have stated that you have started to really like him... so you are really at an impasse.
When he said, and I quote you :
"he told me he was sorry but he doesn't need anyone liking him and cannot have something serious at such a young age"
He basically said, I DO NOT want to date you, but I like to talk to you.
So that is what he is offering. Talk.
YOU have stated (again I quote you):
" I want a relationship but at the same time I really like him and cannot get myself around to putting effort into finding someone else."
So he wants A you want Z - which equals.. not a match.
He might be nice and sweet etc. but if you are looking for a mate, a matching book-end, a partner an spouse etc.. HE isn't it... and you are WASTING your energy and feelings on this fella.
Pretending to be friends, that is what you are both doing now. Him in hopes that you might agree to some CASUAL knocking boots at some point (sex) and you in hopes that he will want to be more serious and date you.
Maybe you SHOULD make more of an effort to GET out and socialize in your new environment, and less with "hoping" he will change.
Sorry.
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