A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Hey, well to cut a long story short... my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Before hand I thought our relationship was very strong, we are each other's first loves, he was my best friend and I have more in common with him than I did with anyone else. 3 weeks ago he decided he wanted a break from our relationship because he wanted to see what it was like to be single (despite the fact we broke up a year ago and realised how much we loved each other and got back together.) Naturally I was devastated and his decision was based on the reasons that I wasn't ambitious which he didn't like, he was unsure of his feelings for me anymore, the fact that breaking up later on in the relationship (possibly before uni) would be much harder and also that I didn't show him as much affection as he did me. Which I felt was unreasonable since I always tell him how much I love him and we display public affection constantly. I gave him a week to decide what he wanted because he had been toying with my feelings and eventually he decided it was best if we broke up. I remained his best friend but it has been very difficult, he has lied to me that he has moved on and started trying to get off with some younger girls at another school. This caused me to ignroe him and stay away because I felt if he moved on in less than a week then he was obviously a jerk and didn't care about my emotions even though he knew I was still in love with him. We had a heated argument after he said "I can't believe I thought you were my best friend" because I made a few mean digs at him about trying to get off with girls 6 years younger than him (he is 17) and he said I was ignoring him which was true but I had my reasons as mentioned. He told me he was still in love with me but we both agreed we couldn't get back together as it wouldn't work. But I really don't know what to do, a couple of days ago I found out people had been asking if we'd broke up and one girl said "I always thought you were more affectionate to her than she was to you anyway" and this hurt me because I know I was really affectionate, maybe not just as much physically. He agreed with her as well and this annoyed me. He keeps talking to me now as if we're going out but keeps saying things like "You're gonna make a guy really happy someday, unfortunately it won't be me." I don't know how to act around him anymore and I can't help feeling like I'm being walked all over. He broke my heart but it would be stupid of me not to be friends with him since we've had so much history together and he makes me laugh until my sides hurt. Is his behaviour unacceptable? How do I move on? What should I say to him about he has treated me? Has anyone out there managed to stay good friends with an ex who broke their heart? I really appreciate your help. Thanks!
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a break, ambition, best friend, broke up, get back together, got back together, move on Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, you're right about his reasons being confusing and being a bit contradictory. That's why I felt I was being messed about to be honest. I'm glad to hear it from someone else!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, you're right about his reasons being confusing and being a bit contradictory. That's why I felt I was being messed about to be honest. I'm glad to hear it from someone else!
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A
male
reader, rcn  + ♥, writes (14 October 2007):
 Flirting can lead to other things.
The reason I assumed this would be the reason. The reasons you have that he told you are not really believable. He said he wanted to see what it would be like to be single, then he said you didn't show enough affections. Which one is it. They are completely different reasons.
The bad thing that happens too often is not being truthful. If someone smells funny, tell them you smell funny, don't say "sorry I haven't called lately, I've just had so much going on." When reasons are given that don't make sense it's because they don't. What's worse, telling the truth that you really don't want to be with them, or telling a lie that makes them wonder what your real reasons are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry i think i caused a wee bit of misunderstanding. He flirted with these young girls but didn't actually kiss any of them and he didn't break up with me beause he wanted to find someone younger. Thank you for your advice and opinions though! They're very helpful!
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (14 October 2007):
So you're saying, he left you trying to get together with girls that are 11 years old? Sure you can still be friends, that's up to you. I would be shocked if someone broke up with me because they were a bit more interested in jail bait.
You are absolutely right to believe you were mistreated and he is a jerk. I wouldn't listen to his reasons for ending it. He's trying to place the blame on you when the fact is he just likes extremely underdeveloped girls. I don't know if it's a physical attraction or if their closer with their mentalities, but his trying to get with girls that young is not good.
You seem like a nice girl, and just be glad it's not going to be you. You don't want to be waiting at home and wondering why he all of a sudden is taking on some babysitting jobs on the side.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (14 October 2007):
 I think his behaviour is a bit immature, kissing girls when he knows how you feel about him is so mean, when i broke up with one of my exes after 3 years after living together we thought we could be friends but we just drifted apart in the ends its what happens sometimes, but then again my brother is very close to one of his exes it just depends what happens in the future, if you feel his actions where wrong and you want to tell him then just tell him how your feeling and if he doesnt understand or doesnt change then maybe your friendship isnt meant to be if you think you can be friends without your feelings being hurt then try if not then you can live without him. Relationships come and go boys will break you heart but the pain doesnt last forever eventually you will fnd some0one worthy of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): I think he's being completely unfair to you and its quite a common theme for people to have their ex hanging on, i know! All i can suggest and it worked for me is to completely step away, let him know that friends is great but only if hes respecting your feelings, after all friends are supposed to do that. Because he hasnt then you need to walk away and stay away for awhile. He'll soon see that acting this way has drove you away, he cant break up with you, treat you like you were never his girlfriend then keep you where he wants incase he changes his mind. its not fair on you, soon he will end up with one of these younger girls, they usually do! and while he goes about making his own mistakes you have to stand by and watch and it hurts. if you can walk away it saves some of the pain and when he realises what he has done, he'll treat you either as a good friend he respects as well as an ex and you never know he may realise what he has lost and may reconsider getting back together. best of luck x
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