A
male
age
41-50,
*opeless guy
writes:hi all,Got a few questions to ask all..1) how to let go of hatred and sorrow to a person that you once loved deeply?(especially for a no life, no social activities,not much friends, no confidence, no self esteem, feel humiliated when facing cheating issues, bank left with just few hundreds dollars)2) does love and hate co-exist in a relationship?3) If you really love a person so much that you declared, does it mean you condone the person to do anything that he/she wants even when u hate it completely? (e.g like knowing he/she love another person and having sex with another person)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 1. How do you let go of hatred and sorrow? You just tell yourself that the person did the best THEY could do. YOU forgive them but don’t forget their actions. Clearly their actions were the actions of a deeply troubled person. You have pity for them. Their actions do not reflect on YOU but rather on them.
2. Love and hate are two sides of the same emotion: PASSION. They are opposite ends of the same spectrum. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is ambivalence.
3. Loving a person does not give them carte blanche to do anything they want. IF you love someone you respect them and honor them. They have to love you back to do the same to you, So while you may have loved your partner they didn’t love you. But it does not give them the right to cheat or lie. And you have every right to end the relationship.
A
male
reader, joeyb67p +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Hi:You already know the answers to your questions. You fell into a user type of relationship. It is not easy to let go especially when the object of your desire somehow manages to keep you on the back burner as their fall back guy.I have been in a relationship that was on and off again. I vacillated between the front and back burner. She would leave me for no good reason, but then kept in contact when she was with the other guy and offered reasons why she thought she had to be there. But she lead me to believe that she loved me best and wanted to be with me.The best advice is to cease all contact and pick the pieces of your life. Find someone that appreciates your affections and has the capacity and respect to return them.The only way to let go and to learn from it and forget her.True love and hate cannot co-exist. If you truly love, then you would move heaven and earth to be with that person. You forsake all others - even yourself to some extent. If you have to forsake yourself to be with someone, that's when bad things start to happen.I have learned that it is not possible to have unconditional love for an intimate person. You can forgive mistakes. But when they keep doing it over and over, then they don't really love you. They are selfish and only love themselves. They have a stunted emotional growth and lack compassion.Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Let's answer your questions in the order that you posed them:
1. You decide that hatred and sorrow are non-productive thoughts and feelings,... and find more-positive subjects to occupy your mind....
2. Love and hate are "kissin' cousin" feelings. It's almost impossible to HATE someone until/unless you darn-near love them!!!! Both are strong feelings... and they are oh-so-close to the same thing....
3. Declaring love for someone doesn't give them carte blanche to behave badly....
OK?
Good luck...
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