A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling real low today and i'd like some advice. I've been through a lot of crap over the last few years, and even though things are looking up I can't help but feel they are just going to go the same way as they always do. I've always found it hard to make friends, and its not because I don't get a long with people, as I am well liked, its just people don't deem me important enough to bother with me or even hang out with me. Over the last couple of years, i've been making it a long with just 3 friends, and now i'm kinda just down to 2 as one of them has done the same thing which almost everyone does. I have fallen out with one of these 3 friends because he just decided to stop bothering with me. I brought it up with him but he couldn't care less, because something better had came a long. My other 2 friends are now very busy, one has recently got a job and the other is preparing for her older sister to go to uni, so they don't have time for me atm, which is fine, but its got me thinking. I have always been the kid who everyone wanted to sit next to in a test or the one who everyone asks for answers, it seems that throughout my life people have only ever talked to me when they wanted something, be it advice, food, bus fair anything. And me being a good person has always given it to them, and then I just haven't heard off them again. I joined college last year, I was so happy and optimistic that I was gonna make new friends it was unreal. However I made no friends, people liked me, had a joke with me, but they only truely acted like friends when they wanted something. I spent most of my time alone and when I left that college not one person decided to get in contact with me. I am joining a new college in September, and I am pretty sure that things are gonna go the same way, I don't want to get my hopes up, or feel hopeful I am going to make new friends because a part of me knows I probably won't. I am thinking of going into this college differently, and instead of being kind, I should just be quiet, keep myself to myself, not tell anyone anything and simply get on with my work and go home. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): I know who you are, what you've been through and I know that college is actually like that. At college, most people get by doing what they have to do to get whatever they want. Friends in college are just that most of the time: only friends when you're IN the college. Unfortunately, that leaves people like us with negative experiences because we do want genuine friends, but you'll have to just see how it goes and be as optimistic (while realistic - NOT pessimistic) as possible and do just focus on your work, get through the year and any friends are a bonus. Don't go out of your way for them unless they also do it for you. Having people who are nice to you and don't use you are better than having "friends" who use you because you bend over backwards for them when they don't bother to do the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love how this website lets people reply as harshly as they want to but don't let the question asker defend themselves! Sir, honestly, you didn't really answer my question. So as far as it goes you being on an ADVICE website you ain't doing a very good job. I grew up a long time ago, I had no choice in fact, the world doesn't revolve around me, nor do I want it too. And I don't want people to be all about me, I would like someone who doesn't use me because i'm smart and am willing to help someone out who is in need. I guess I should just go from being a nice kind person, to being an inconsiderate bitch, because lets be honest. Being nice doesn't seem to get many people far does it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am pretty grown up for my age thank you, and I know the world doesn't revolve around me. I don't want it to.
Pretty obvious that the "father" in you isn't a great one :L
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 The "Father" in me wants to say this:
I think you have missed a step in "growing up." As it happens, when children become about 6, 7, 8 years of age, or so, they find out that THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND THEM. From your submittal, I'm guessing that you are not there, yet....
For Heaven's sake!!!! You make it sound like you're prepared to spend the rest of your life in misery, because you have yet to find those people/friends who are "all about you." Believe me.... there's a lot more to life than that....
Barring that, I think your musing that you "...should just be quiet, keep myself to myself, not tell anyone anything and simply get on with my work and go home." is a plausible way to approach this next year....
Good luck, .... and STUDY HARD.....
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