A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for almost four years now. My husband stopped having sex with me since the first few months of our marriage. Since then, we have sex once or twice (a year), literally. We have a twenty month old (apparently we're both very fertile - as I got pregnant from only the second and last time we had sex in 2009). I know, it's pathetic).In 2010, we had sex 2 times, none in 2011 so far. Last time we had sex was in July 2010. What do you think I did? Correct, I started an affair. I lied to the man I've been going out with and told him I'm divorced. I just wanted to fulfill my sexual needs without being judged or get serious with anyone. But I ended up falling in love with him. He fell in love with me too and proposed to me thinking I'm freakin single. I had to create a lie telling him that I'm remarrying my ex-husband for my daughter's sake, and supposedly he knows now i'm remarried since March this year (last month). Please note that I never really got a divorce in the first place, but I had to come up with an excuse to stop the guy I'm having an affair with to think I'm available.Also, he got hold of my husband's work number (they both work in the same company - different sites). He knows where I live. My husband knows NOTHING Of this affair and I'm freaking out that he knows. Why? I don't know. I just don't want to be judged by his family and him. And I honestly care about him as a person I don't want him to feel hurt.I know this is messed up. And I don't know why I got myself to this point.I don't want to come clean with either my husband, or the guy I'm having an affair with.now here's the messed up part - oh yes, there's more. I am now madly in love with the guy whom I have an affair with. But he is saying he can't love me coz I 'remarraied' my husband. I have been deceiving him all along. I actually made him believe that I got pregnant with his child last year and that I had a stillbirth 6 months later. I gained weight deliberately so he'd fall to the fact that I'm pregnant. Yes I'm evil!! I'm so messed up...And now, I want to be with him, so bad.. But I don't want my husband to find out..... Help?Please don't be sarcastic and judgmental. I know I'm a messed up person. I know that what I've done is horrible, and what I am doing is horrible too. Please note that I've only been with my husband and that man. I married my husband as a virgin. I need mature answers, please tell me what the heck is going on and what should I do :(
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female
reader, amber jarvey  +, writes (26 April 2011):
dont get a divorce, i have been in this situation, i fell for someone else and him me, i am engaged. It was amazing, i felt like i had met mysoul mate but now he hasnt contacted me for 4 months, he risked alot to see me, a hell of alot but after the 4th time of nearly getting caught he cut contact and i havent heard from him since. im pretty sure he will come back when dust settles but you know what, it really isnt worth it. Unless you are both completely certain that you are 100 percent inlove then i would never say dont, if there is no doubt in either of your minds that you want to be together then get a divorce but you have to be certain, how long have you been seeing this other man?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): You are seriously ill with issues that are to serious to fully discuss here.You must get medical and psychological help, and you must tell them everything.I know that seems like a tall order, but everything you are saying sounds like "Borderline Personality Disorder", which is actually not so much a disorder as it is a reaction to traumatic events in life. It is believed that somewhat around 70% of people with this disorder have been sexually or physically abused, neglected, or traumatized in some manner. They don't tell those they engage in social, medical or employment activities with, and become entrenched in situations like you are in and can't get out of them because of the "perceived impossibility" of doing so.I put that in quotations because it is a perception, not a reality, and the reality is that they can be helped, and can pull out of this kind of situation, but they must begin telling the truth and working constructively with counselors and doctors and their "constructive" relationships. They must also terminate destructive relationships. All this is very hard for them to do, and they often don't do it until all hell has come to visit.You are not evil.You are in a mess, it is possible to get out of it.You have to be honest, open, willing, and really open up about your entire life with a good counselor.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 April 2011):
My advice to you is get a divorce, and spend a lot of time alone working out what you want from life. Your husband isn't the man for you, and this other guy won't come back. You need to be alone, and you need to start over elsewhere with a new job, new people, new life.At least that way, you don't have to come clean and there's a chance your reputation will be saved.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Well you can't do this without hurting your husband.
You can't do this without being judged by him and his family.
You can't have both of them, you tried, but it just made a big mess and trying to do it all again would be utterly stupid.
I hate to oversimplify, but why can't you just get a divorce? The guy you've been having an affair with may not want you right now, but that could change if you actually got a divorce... Just my 2 cents... minus the sarcasm.
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