New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I've made it clear: monogamy is my preference. Am I over-reacting to his suggestion re a threesome?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 July 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 July 2014)
A female Australia age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Help my partner has told me he would participate in a threesome with me and another man if I ever wanted that . I told him that I would never ask for that and the fantasy is one thing but in real life a threesome is not something I'm interested in

He then asked if I would do the same for him with another woman and I said no . He replied that he would never ask me anyway as he doesn't want that but got upset that I wouldn't at least do it to make him happy

I can't help but feel that he really does want that and tried to manipulate me into agreeing to it .

I'm so hurt because I've made it very clear that I want a monogamous relationship and am not interested in threesomes or sharing .

Am I'm overreacting

View related questions: threesome

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (24 July 2014):

YouWish agony auntWhat a jerk. He caught himself in his own lie and tried emotional manipulation on you to try and soften you up for the idea of a threesome with another woman.

You said this:

"He replied that he would never ask me anyway as he doesn't want that but got upset that I wouldn't at least do it to make him happy"

If he would "never ask", then why would he get upset? Your partner needs to be kicked to the curb if he thinks for one second that your job is to "make HIM happy". His getting upset that you aren't interested in bringing other people sexually into your relationship with him is an insult to you.

You also saw through the BS of "If you wanted another man in a threesome, I'd do it" because that was only a grooming statement to worm his "Two women" thing into the mix. That guy's bad news, and if he has the gall to turn that whole thing around on you and get upset at you, then he'll think NOTHING of outright cheating on you and blaming you for it, whether it's some spat or a manufactured offense that makes him somehow come out the "good" guy and you the partner that "failed" him in some way.

I wouldn't drop a guy who asked me about threesomes as long as he respected how I feel about it and it was in the context of exploring fantasies. However, what he did in getting upset that it's your duty to give that to him to "make him happy" would be THE deal breaker for me. His manipulation exposed a huge red flag in your relationship.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 July 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntGood for you. Stick to your values, he apparently has none. A marraige is built for two not three, otherwise the best man would have honeymooned with you guys.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014):

No you're not overreacting at all. You have every right to want a monogamous relationship. Alternative lifestyles aren't for everyone. He's full of bullsh*t when he tried to turn it around on you. Angry you wouldn't do it for him, because he would do it for you? Seriously?!! Are you sure he isn't bisexual as well?

Madam, you've got yourself a swinger. If you want a monogamous relationship? You had better decide if his request is a deal-breaker. I'm reasonably sure his suggestion of a threesome will arise again; or he will decide to take matters into his own hands. He has clearly established that he is not monogamous.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I've made it clear: monogamy is my preference. Am I over-reacting to his suggestion re a threesome?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312670999992406!