A
male
age
,
*retender
writes:Hi I dated my class sweet heart in high school for 4 years, I went into the Army right after school, I broke up with her the day before school got out, because I was off to the Army the next day. 8 years later I got out, about six months later, I ran into a friend of hers, I was told she has been asking about me. On my brithday, I got a birthday card and had no idea who it was from, I'd get holiday cards and had no idea who they where from, I'd get messages on my answering machine, just saying hi, I could not tell who it was. I found out from a friend that she got married. My junior year in high school, I gave her a diamond ring and wanted to marry her after i got out of the Army, she went on to college. this was the big reason was we broke up, we really didn't talk about it, assumming that was the way it was going to be. it ended up that way. So from the time I got out of the Army right up today, she is very much in contact with me, I get phone calls, emails everyday. I'm very much excited to be in touch with her, but she is married. How do I know for sure she is still in love with me?For the past 3 years we have tried to have lunch, but for some reason or another she cancels. Is she affriad to meet me? or is she trying to get me back for all the pain she went thru over the break up? I don't understand, she still wears the ring and she still contacts me. Should I confront her or let her come around?She has lost her father and grandfather in the past two years. I get emails from her telling me her husband is a jerk or being a jerk, one year I get a very long email telling me her husband cheated on her and got the women pregnant. So again I don't understand, should I give her a choice and hang in there. I've loved her so much and still do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Hi
Your 100% correct.Her youngest is 21. This is the problem, I am starting to think about regreting wasting my life and waiting for her. This is the problem, I gut tells me to tell her to do something now or I need to hit the road and find myself a new life and hopefuly with someone, BUT my heart says no, don't be a fool. I'm going to try one more thing, since she has a few family things going on now thru January, I'm giving her until Febuary 14th 2010 to have lunch with me, if she does have lunch, then I'll confront her, if she cancels lunch dates up until Feb 14th. I'll send her a email and tell her I think we should stop talking, its not what I'm looking for, and I would like more, but if she can't, I need to try and put her out of my mine. Questions is should I be so blunt ~~~
A
male
reader, Pretender +, writes (6 December 2009):
Pretender is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Celiaaletta Your right, I believe she feels traped with her curent husband. I've told her how I felt about her and how I would like things to be, she said she was very much in love with me but could not give me any more than what she is giving me now, she wants to wait until her kids are out of school, this was alittle over a year ago. I feel she is conflicted by her husband and I, because for 3 years now, I've been trying to take her out to lunch, mine you lunch was her idea, But for some reason, something always comes up and she cancells.My love for her can't bring me to be too direct, I'm affraid of pushing her away, she a friend no one could afford to lose, BUT I need to do something, SO I KNOW, my gut say go at her pace. Only if you could read her emails to me, I don't believe she tells her husband what she tells me. I get at least one email a day from her. THANKS
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A
male
reader, Pretender +, writes (28 November 2009):
Pretender is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Kristena
from a guy'soint of view, your ex is using his grandmother to sway you and I believe his grandmother is all for it as she seems to like you a whole lot, probaly believe you arre the best thing for him. It's nice to hear to have someone else. Two things~~~ Your boyfriend is slow for one thing, he doesn't want to rush into thing and take the chance of ruining things or he has no plans on taking the next step, just go along for the ride as long as he can.
I feel thats what is going we me, her hubby knows he is in deep doo doo with her and just tries to play along. Every day things change. I'm still get emails and phone calls. Her grandfather passes away, she sends me a text message within minutes after he passed, not her huband, but me. Then she emails all the details of the wake and funeral, she emailed me about an hour before the wake and texted me on the way to the funeral, then on top of that, I get a few texts during Thankgiving day, asking how I'm doing. I just don't understand how a women with all she has on her plate finds the time and has such concern for a high school boyfriend. I know everything about her cause she tells me. I strongly believe she is like you, affraid to she me again because she'll fall in love with me all over again. I'm wondering if I should give her some more time, because of what has happened to her in the past few months, and then beg her to a point to meet and then confront her of what I feel is going on and how I feel OR should I just email her, I can't send her anything to her home(which sucks). I know I can't wait much longer, I don't want to be mean or rude to her and tell her to stop sending and emailing and all that. She needs to let go and forget me if she wants to be with him.
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A
female
reader, Kristena +, writes (28 November 2009):
Well...You do have to follow your heart and if that's not possible then you need to move on and try to find happiness. You can't put your life on hold forever. Just like in my case I have tried to move on but just havent found anyone that has worked out.
Update to my story...My exes grandmother just called me the day before Thanksgiving left me a voice mail. I haven't felt like calling her back yet. In her voicemail she told me it looks like my ex will be out of prison this coming year. So, I wake up in the morning to listen to this voicemail on my phone. Boy how one message can ruin your day!! I instantly was crying and sad all day. It's as if I almost dont want him out of prison. I thought he still had a couple years left and I would hopefuly be married by the time he got out so I wouldn't be tempted to give him another chance. I know if I'm still single and I see him I'm going to fall in love with him all over again. Just really sucks. So, my current boyfriend knows I was upset and sad the other day but doesnt know why. I just want to start my life with whoever I'm going to end up marrying. My current boyfriend and me have only been together for 4 months and he moves so slow, I'm getting frustrated.
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A
male
reader, Pretender +, writes (21 November 2009):
Pretender is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKristena, I feel for you and I am in awe of what you had to say. I want to confront her, but also don't want to piss her off, at this point, I can't wait any longer. I've tried to move on many times, but find myself thinking of her 24/7. I think if you ever seen her emails to me you'd fall off your chair, she tells me everything, you can hear that schoolish gigle in her voice when we talk on the phone, its always I love and thinking of you when she sign'e her cards to me. It get seeing it, But need more from her and I know she is married, I feel its time to confront her, BUT I don't want her to leave her husband just for me, I need and want her to leave him, cause thats what she wants. I haven't been sleeping very much because she on my mine to much, I do worry about her. And yes I've seen the notebook,but don't remember much. Am I a fool for waiting for her and thinking something might happen with us. My gut says she is unhappy and affraid to leave. I also feel if she ever get face to face with me again, all thou high school feeling will come back to her and she won't know what to do or handle them. I don't know why its so hard to have lunch with and old friend, another things is she has lunch with an old boyfriend(one after me), but can't have lunch with me. OR is she waiting for me to put my foot down and tell her him or me, I have all these thoughts running through my head. I need to put an end to all this and move on, with or without her.
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A
female
reader, Kristena +, writes (21 November 2009):
Wow...It sounds like she was in love with you and you still have her heart. Seems that she might have settled for her now husband just because you weren't around but she always really loved you. Now that she is married you don't want to be the one to ruin her marriage, that is a choice she has to make on her own. If she isnt happy with her husband then she needs to make the choice to leave him. My advice would be to let her know you care about her but as long as she is married nothing can happen between you guys. If she decides to leave her husband then maybe there can be something with you both. I had a similiar situation happen in my life. I'm now 32 but back when I was in college I fell in love. It was love at first site we clicked from the moment we met and were inseparable. We moved in together and planned to eventually get married. It was something we knew for sure would happen because we both felt that we were each other soulmates. I was 24 at the time. One thing lead to another and he got involved with the wrong "friends" and ruined his life and at the time mine. He started using crystal meth to stay awake since we were in college and he was working construction at the same time. He got addicted and everything went down hill from there. 8 years later he is still sitting in prison. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I used to visit him for a couple years and then it got to be too hard for me. He wanted me to marry him in prison. I loved him so much but thats not the life I deserve. Anyways, my point is now at 32 I'm not married and haven't met anyone that I felt that way about since him. I have boyfriend after boyfriend and never seem to feel 100% happy. Any current boyfriends I have always ask me when he gets out I'm I going to go back to him? For me I hope I find my prince charming before that day comes so I'm not tempted to give him another chance. I'm sure he isn't the same person anymore and there are no guarantees that he will stay sober and out of trouble. My point is I almost feel like I have to settle because I can't have him anymore. I used to have a sparkle in my eyes and I know longer have that...I gave up on true love! Some people never find that love in their life! Now at 32 I want to settle down and have a family but still searching for the one...If it's meant to be things will work out...she will end things with her husband if she truly isnt happyHave you seen the movie the notebook???
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