A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m struggling to find motivation. I lost my job 9 months ago.I have been unable to find one, I found part time work, and that kept me going. I gave up my usual life to live frugally. I made some excuses to friends, as I cannot afford thier activities. I don’t think they realised, which is good as they have not questioned me and quite frankly I don’t think they care. What’s hit me, is I have lost my part time job (business is not doing well so they have told me they have to cut the job). I’m struggling, I couldn’t really find a lower job than what I was already doing part time, considering my background is as lawyer, I went from lawyer to cleaning dishes real quick. I didn’t really mind, I had a mindset of a successful person. Over time I have lost a lot of friends, which is okay I don’t blame them, they shouldn’t have to stop having fun jus because I can’t afford it. Biggest killer is I can’t support myself, yes I am able to live and feed myself but I’m finding myself in bed for 16hrs a day. Still with no wish to get up. I am extremely motivated individual but I have lost steam. My fridge is full of good food, meat, I dedicate to going gym, but I lose motivation. It’s been 9 months, I lost interest. Am I falling in depression? Please don’t advise doctors, in the U.K. we don’t have a very good system, it can take a month for an appointment for them to rush you, it’s difficult to be a nuisance and explain my stupid problems to them in space of rushed 7mins for them to say nothing really.I don’t know what answer I’m looking for, but I’m fed up of these 4 walls. I go for walks daily , still doesn’t help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2019): You have the education and credentials to be a lawyer; so you might consider a professional-placement service that specializes only in legal-placement. Sometimes ordinary temp agencies grapple through whatever leads they can find; but professional-placement services are where employers go to find candidates vetted and ready to go to work. The agency does the interview and background check. It could save you some time.
Drop-off your resume at various law offices to keep on file. They just might call you in for an interview.
Unemployment takes a toll on us emotionally, psychologically, and health-wise. It does a number on your self-esteem. After all the hard work and money you've invested in an education; and all the blood, sweat, and tears shed on the job. It's crushing to lose your job.
You have to remember, sooner or later; it happens to every working-professional out there. Few will work entirely through life without an interruption or change in employment. This may be your calling to become self-employed and start your own private-practice. Who knows?
First of all, there are times we have to put our pride and arrogance aside. We must humble ourselves. If we don't, or won't; life will surely present circumstances that will knock us down a few notches. That's to remind us when we get too big for our knickers. We get proud and boastful. We'll showoff, and choose people to call friends; who don't really care about us. We're only a part of their clique; because we represent a certain class or group that reveres itself above others. Like they're better than other people. Showing-off is what it's all about. They will abandon you when you need them. When you no longer represent their agenda. They're not for real. When the same fate comes their way; they'll remember you, and they'll be sorry for not being there for you.
Have no shame or fear, my young friend. You will survive this. Destiny is re-calibrating and resetting your future.
We have to have a sense of empathy and compassion. That is created by suffering like others we have snubbed or ignored. It also strengthens you; as you fight your way back.
I know the struggle; because I've been there and done that. I'm not talking out my backside. I know how you feel. You feel gutted, useless, ashamed, embarrassed, and frustrated. You have all that education and experience; and you just want to work and bring home a paycheck. It doesn't seem like it now, but this is a test. It's all about survival, and what you're made off. Don't give-up or give-in. Fight the depression and the hopelessness, don't stand-still. Keep moving! Keep your memory of the law sharp; get out those law books and read read read! Study during idle-time!
Don't lie in bed all day. That is surrendering to self-pity; and it will create bitterness. The devil is at work here, creating a sense of hopelessness; so you will submit to defeat. You're not defeated, you're just out of a job. Your ego was over-fed; which sometimes inflates it out of proportion. That can make us insensitive, self-centered, cocky, and full of ourselves to the point we're looking down on people. Thumbing our noses at the plight of others who suffer, or the under-privileged. Under-appreciating simple ordinary folk. Feeling far-removed, unable to relate, and disconnected. We become calloused and arrogant.
Sometimes divine-intervention steps-in to take you off that path; to make you realize you're human and vulnerable to suffering, and doing without. You'll learn to be more appreciative of what you have; and you'll learn to survive on much less. You will develop sympathy for people you never had before; because until now, you didn't know what rock-bottom feels like. Once you get there, the only way to go is back up. If you were ever in your life taught to pray, now is the time to do it. If mum ever made you go to church, mass, or Sunday School; use what you were taught. Even if you've written it off as total foolishness, and don't believe.
Seriously, what have you got to lose?
Have faith. Unemployment is a temporary condition. It has happened to everyone who will read your post, and those of us taking the time to answer your post. I have complete compassion for your situation; therefore, I shall pray for you. Even if you're a nonbeliever, I can still do that out of compassion and my love for humanity.
Continue job-searching, accept temporary employment when you can find it; to keep food on the table. Keep your dress-shirts and suits dry-cleaned and pressed. Subscribe to online job-search engines; and keep the format of your resume updated. Network with your old university and law school buddies who might help you find job-leads. Networking is a perfect way to find job-leads; because you also have someone who will vouch for you, and offer a reference if required.
Say a little prayer each day. Go to a place of worship and ask the minister, pastor, priest,imam, or rabbi; whatever faith you're familiar with, to counsel and pray with you.
Losing hope is self-defeat. The spirit starves, and depression will overtake you. You are young and gifted; and there is no reason to give-up so easily. God sees, and knows. You are not alone. Even if you're a nonbeliever, use every resource at your disposal. You'll be surprised!
Hang in there. Keep-up the fight. This is just the darkness before the dawn. Go to the law library and study. You might even run into some legal-assistant or attorney there doing research, and looking for some help. God is with you.
I will say a prayer over your post. Don't give-up! Read all our posts for inspiration and motivation. Comeback as often as you like and keep us updated.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 February 2019):
 Oh and I forgot to mention, look into Temp services.
I was out of work for a couple of months and contacted a Temp Agency, all of a sudden I got offered job after job after job, just by having been a temp for 2-3 weeks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2019):
Like Code Warrior so wisely said,
DO NOT have any ZERO days. So do SOMETHING EVERY day. Spending 16 hours in bed will get you nowhere, and you know it.
Life isn't going to show up at your doorstep and give you a job you want, success or make you fit. YOU know this too.
If you worked as a lawyer, what happened to make you lose your job? Maybe you are not living in a place where you can really GROW in your field. You might HAVE to look to cast WIDER net. Having a 9 months GAP in your employment is not the worst, but if you don't start finding SOMETHING to PAD your resume with, it might make it even HARDER to get a job you want. Again, laying in your bed 16 hours a day is NOT really something ANYONE would be impressed with, career-wise.
So, what can you do? Besides being a lawyer? One thing that I did for years (while in college and a while AFTER getting a job) was tend bar. You not only MEET a lot of people but you are sort of "forced to socialize" and get off your ass while making SOME money. Sure it's a step or 5 down from being a lawyer, but here is the secret... no one cares. Take it as a LATERAL sidestep, get a job to SAVE UP some money... in case you see job opportunities where you will need SOME saving to perhaps move to another area.
Same with working out. Good that you go for a walk... but you can do better than that. And you know it. Working out can be done at home, it can be free. You don't need a fancy gym. Find some workout videos on YouTube and get at it. Nothing CRAZY, start with a 30 min. a day.
Lists, is another thing I can suggest. I make lists for just about everything. Because I'm not a super organized person. But I like routines. And I like thing just JUST so.
So EVERY day you have to LOOK for jobs - make this a Mon-Friday thing. You might not FIND something you REALLY want to do EVERY day, but if you think it's better than laying in bed... then you send out an application.
WORK on your resume too. The resume is your "face" until you can get an interview, and "sell" yourself in person. So you want it to be good. Not full of lies, not boring but a GOOD representation of you and YOUR skills.
So, NO more ZERO days.
Start there, and get off your ass.
YOU CAN do it... no one can do it FOR you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2019): Were you laid off and there were others laid off with you when you lost your job? If so, reach out to them for support and for networking.
Another suggestion: I live in the US, so I’m not sure if it’s the same in the U.K. (I used to be an attorney too), but can you find a non profit legal organization and do volunteer legal work? It’ll get you back into doing something similar to what you used to do, it’ll keep you occupied, but it’ll also give you some networking opportunities in the long term. Non profits here are usually happy to get an experienced attorney volunteer, maybe it’s the same there?
I’m sorry my suggestion doesn’t give you a financial solution but it might help with keeping you occupied and benefit you in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2019): Yes you are in depression which I went through myself I would sleep in bed all day and night and I had lost hope in life. I ended up in hospital but an old lady in there would talk to me and I promised her to never do that to myself again. I saw every doctor going but no one could help really. I sat down and realised what was needed in my life was a partner and I set about finding
them and I began to enjoy life again and then I found the one and have literally turned my life around. I am amazed at myself.
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