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I've got such a great guy...so why do I want something more??

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 November 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 22 December 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm a 20 year old female and mother of a 4year old. I'm not with my son's father as we split when he was about two years old. Shortly after that I started dating someone else who my son sees as a father, well things didn't work out either, he went to the military and found more intriguing things to do. In Feburary of this year(2007) I started dating this guy....he is a great guy, he loves me like no other. I only have minor complaints about him, things that he and I are working on, such as finances and so on. We may have moved a bit fast as we now have an apartment together and are doing the whole couple thing now.

Originally when I started dating this guy all I wanted was a friend with benefits type thing, but it evolved into something more.

Well, just recently I found out that a Co-worker of mine has wanted to be with me since I started working there about 1year and a half ago. I had always been attracted to him, but remained quiet because I was with someone. Well, we started talking more about it and we kissed and touched for about 2hours the other day. Of course I'm not telling my bf about this, but what I want to know is why? Why I would have such a great guy on my hands and still want something else, just because I'm attracted to it?

I really love my bf, but I'm very much inclined on sleeping with my co-worker because I've wanted this for so long. Please help, before I do something that I will regret!

View related questions: co-worker, friend with benefits, military

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007):

A...G...A..I...N...you're not ready for a relationship. If you're attracted to someone at work and have "such a great guy", why do you want to sleep with your co-worker?

You have commitment issues.

No wonder why you got pregnant at such a young age.

Need help? You're the one on here asking for help.

THINK ABOUT IT!!

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (21 December 2007):

Hey don't get so emotional,just pick out the gems froms the answers.I truly hope,things are getting better for you.However,having had a girlfriend who cheated on me with a co-worker,i'd re-echo my last advice or maybe i paraphrase it.If you are not satisfied with your boyfriend,there's no use pretending.Go your seperate ways.However,you need to ask yourself what it is you look for in other men despite having a wonderful relationship with your current?Everyone can be tempted to sleep with someone they admire but the difference is self control.Others have,others don't.I'm tempted to think you don't love your boyfriend as much as he does and wouldn't mind just being friends with benefits.Think about your child as well.Just when he's getting comfortable with your boyfriend,do you wana change partners?Before we even talk of changing partners,do you just want a fling with your co-worker or wana develop something serious?

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

As to the comment below, I am and adult. You are obviously living under a rock because this happens in "adult" lives all the time. I am acting like an adult because I've taken care of my son and myself since the age of 15. I'm in college and I work, I beg to differ with your unresonable and rude remarks. You obviously need some help yourself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

First of all, you aren't ready for a relationship. Work on what's best for your child and yourself.

You're 20 years old with a 4 year old son, you're still a kid taking care of a kid. Although the law states your an adult however, you aren't acting like one.

You did move in too fast with your boyfriend. Your interests is now with your coworker and it may lead into sexual intercourse. Possibly pregnancy.

Think about it.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (27 November 2007):

It seems you have a phobia for serious commitent and no wonder even though you are with someone who loves you, you are still thinking of sleeping with your co-worker. I would suggest you cause your boyfriend no more anguish and call it off and do as you please with whoever you please. I really wonder if you love you boyfriend? If you do don't sleep with your co-worker. Suppress your sexual urge for him. Imagine if your boyfriend was doing the same, how would you feel?

All the best

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2007):

Sweet-thing agony auntI see that it happened for two reasons. Number one, you weren't really ready for a relationship when you met your b/f but things just sort of went there. I think you still had some wild oats to sow at that point, and this co-worker represents the very thing you wanted to experiment with before making another committment to anyone. Number two, I suspect there has always been a bit of chemistry lacking in your relationship with current beau, no matter how good he is to you, I question whether you're really that attracted to him. Therefore co-worker, that you were already attracted to but didn't realize he felt the same, is now looking very appealing. Realize of course, that the co-worker may be sexy and appealing, but could turn out to be a total jerk and you may regret giving up the stability guy for him. Is it worth the risk? Only you know the answer to that one. But if my number one assumption is correct, it would probably be a good idea, to break things off with your b/f and take some time to explore your freedom. You cannot create chemistry in a relationship where there is none, and he may be a great "comfort zone" but over time you will grow bored and be prone to affairs. If things don't work out between you and the guy at your job, at least you'll know (as opposed to always wondering) and you won't feel trapped into something before you're completely ready. I wish you the best.

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