A
female
age
26-29,
*TheAlmightyDuckx
writes:I was with my first ever boyfriend, and the person who i lost my virginity too for six months and it all ended today. Even though i'm being strong and trying my best to convince myself i deserve better i just want someones else opinion on if i done the right thing. My boyfriend cheated on me about 2 weeks ago, he went missing for a whole day and night and made everyone worry about him, When i found him he was at a beach party with some of his nothing but trouble friends. When i brought it up with him, he simply told me he could do whatever he wanted and failed to understand how worried everyone had been. Because i have a severe anxiety disorder, i can't do normal things like others and it takes me alot to even go out. He made my anxiety very bad because he went missing, so much so that when i found him i had a panic attack and hyperventilated in the middle of town. When this happened all he could do was laugh at me and make jokes about my anxiety and how i couldn't do normal things. I then found out a day after he had cheated on me when he was drunk by kissing another girl. He said he was sorry and that he still loved me, but i also found out that when he was sober he had asked to meet up with her and carry it on. I stupidly gave him another chance. In the space of time between now and then he got kicked out and ended up living at mine for a week, my family did everything for him we bought him clothes and helped him through everything. But today he came round after moving into his new accomdation, and it seeemed like all he was interested in was having fun with his new friends, and in some ways i felt a little bit like it was fine for him to go out with his friends, yet i was the one who had to sit at home and worry. I brought this up with him, and mentioned how things weren't going to good, somehow we got back on the subject of him cheating. You see i can't understand why someone whould cheat on you if they loved you? So ever since he cheated of always been prying for an answer of why he did it, and he has never been able to give me one. Things escalated a little and i asked him to give me a reason as to why he loved me or what he even liked about me, he couldn't give me one. I then stared once more prying for an answer of why he cheated, after i had done nothing but be there for him. One of the reaons he said when he acutally admitted he cheated was because he wanted to be the girls friend and that she was an alrite girl. I brought this reason up with him, and all he replied was "yeah,she is an alrite girl" to me this just seemed like the last chance, after everything he discussed, he still thinks that the girl is a nice person and is alrite, when she blatenly cheated with my bf fall knowing he had a girlfriend. I told him to get out and he insinuated before he left that he was now going to cheat on me. Were over now for good, i've packed his stuff up for him to come and collect, but now all i want to know is did i make the right decsion? Ive tryed so hard to help him through everything and when it was my turn he wasn't there. It still sounds to me like he doesn't know what he has done wrong. Hes also manulaptive, selfish, and greedy, and he has messed with my head alot, by making me stay with him, by using my anxiety to control me and make me almost dependent on him. I just want to know have i made the right decsion? Will i ever find someone else to make me happy? Do i deserve better or am i being dramatic? Should i just try to move on ? Feedback needed and welcome :)
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cheated on me, drunk, kissing, lost my virginity, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 Hi
I am so sorry I missed this post. I had incorrectly thought you were having a break from DearCupid.
Your first important relationship - your first love - because your first love is always so very very special. Even it the relationship suffers a few road-blocks along the way.
I am so very very sorry you had to face this. Though there are few people in the world who, after they have started dating, have not experienced a distressing break up.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. And you must surely know that is true. Maybe he is not yet mature enough to recognise what a lovely person you are. Your unique delightful honesty and your insight into so much. He may see the light, I hope he does see the light because he is important to you, even if he did go off the rails a little. But if he falters again then at 15 you have plenty of time to find a lovely guy.
Just remember there are 7 billion people in the world today. Half of them the opposite sex. Some are not the right age group for you. Some are in relationships. Some are not interested in a relationship. However that still leaves hundreds of thousands of potential many different potential partners who could become YOUR Mr Right. And where the feeling is mutual. There is never just one perfect person in the world, but many potential perfect guys out there who could become your Mr Right. Have faith, it will happen. Patience and time and more experience at spotting the signs of what is a Mr Right.
A Mr Right will treat you respectfully. He will notpush for sex too early. He will be respected by his peers. He will never lay a finger on you. He will speak to you respectfully. He will be reliable. He will do what he promised to do and he will turn up at the time he has said he will turn up. He will listen to you respectfully. He will treat you with empathy. His ACTIONS will define the man, not his Boasting of "when I ......" He will not Blame others for his own mistakes. He will be happy to introduce you to his friends and his family. He will never 'hide you, as a secret". He will be happy to say,'I love you', without needing any prompting.
And don't even start me on him being responsible with his finances!!!! And not living beyond his means.
Maybe time will tell with your boyfriend. Recently, it seems that he was not yet mature enough to settle down and treat a partner with consistent kindness and empathy. He may see the error of his ways. Or he may have a selfish streak that even his own family find distressing.
Fingers crossed that he will start to see what he might be losing if he does not treat you right. But if he falters you will find another good young man.
There is no rush. However I truly hope that things do work out well for you.
May you have many many good positive experiences in the future. Some days are not good days. But remember a Rainbow usually follows a rain shower.
My Best wishes to you
Abella
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (18 August 2012):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, basically, over the last 48 hours things have taking abit of a turn for me. I will admit i did write this based on anger, however i'm not going to take back or deny anything i said because it was all true.
But however, i know not everything is my fault and we both have a part to play, but i've done things wrong to, and i guess i've been spending to much time focussing on the bad parts about him, instead of the good ones.
Hes going through a hard time at the moment, just as i am, my aunt has cancer, my mum has to have spinal surgery, and i have an unbearable mental health condition. He on the other hand as been kicked out and made homeless, hes been sent to a random place to live that he doesn't feel homely in, and his own parents have turned on him.
We both agreed today that whats in the past is in the past, and we both need eachother and we do both love eachother alot, and one of the main reasons he thought things weren't working was because i wasn't happy. But infact i only feel happy when i'm with him.
He has all these thoughts about himself that aren't true, he feels worthless, and he feels like nobody loves him. And i must admit, i haven't realized how much he has tryed to change things, and i haven't realized that he was feeling like this.
It has changed everything since i posted this, as i guess the sad part kicked in and well i thought the only way i would ever know if things were gonnna work again is if i tryed just one more time.
So thats what we are doing and i will admit things feel better, now we have finially understood what both of us are feeling, and well i may be a fool but i love him, and i am afraid at the moment nothings going to change that :)
Thanks for all your kind words :) Thanks for everything, alot of you guys helped me look on the positive side, and i will survive anything thats thrown my way :)
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A
male
reader, hummm +, writes (17 August 2012):
no matter what the age when you are cheated on it hurts male or female yes leave him and move on with life and learn from the experience that is the smart bet or choice if you like.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): He cheated on you, this shows a lack of respect for you, and so does the other things you said too, so yes I'd say you did the right thing. I was once in a long distance relationship with someone for around two years until I found out that she was very likely cheating on me and so I ended the relationship, doing what she was likely doing is something hard to forgive, not impossible, just very hard.
It sounds to me like you really are far better off without him.
"Will i ever find someone else to make me happy?"
You're young, and surely have many many years ahead of you to perhaps find Mr. Right, and hopefully when you find them they'll respect you better than this jerk you've been talking/asking about.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (17 August 2012):
 What do your head and your heart tell you about this? My guess is that in your core you are pretty much OK with leaving him. If you are having such problems with him, chances are you would be better off alone. And that will always give you the chance to perhaps meet someone who will understand and appreciate you better than her has.
Oh, and about the anxiety. You probably should seek professional help in understanding and dealing with that. It can be a lifelong handicap if you let it grow, but it is something that, with work, you CAN overcome.
Good luck.
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