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I've fallen for my best friend FWB.... again!

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Please help me!

I've fallen for my FWB again and I don't know what to do!

Back story: I met him three years ago. We were pretty much instantly best friends. There was/is no awkwardness, and we're always COMPLETELY honest with each other (except this one thing.)

After two months of knowing him, we became friends with benefits... and it was great. He did have a girlfriend (they were in an open relationship, she knew about me).

after a month of being friends with benefits I started dating someone, I told him straight away and we stopped having sex, sexual conversations etc (i'm an exclusive type) and reverted to being best friends. I dated the other guy for 2 1/2 years and we split up two months ago (he cheated!). During the time I was dating this guy, me and my EX-FWB remained best friends and spoke everyday and became FWB again about 2 weeks after the BU (he is single now).

So here's the problem, a month ago, my fwb admitted he had feelings for me when we were fwb the first time, i also admitted the same thing because I did. But neither of us said anything because of his ex-GF.

We both said this was probably because we were young (17) at the time and naive.

The problem is, I've fallen for him all over again. It never really went, but I kept it in the back of my mind because he had a gf.

I don't know what to do about it, we've always been (sometimes brutally) honest with each other. But I feel like he may think I'm weird or something. I don't know if he feels the same way. We're older now (20), alot more mature and both have our heads screwed on (for the most part haha).

I keep saying goofy things by accident then laugh it off, he does too.

Do I continue to be FWB and put this to the back of my mind or tell him how I feel?

Thank you for your answers in advance.

View related questions: best friend, friend with benefits, his ex, my ex, split up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answers :)

The thing is I don't know what I want. I mean I like FWB, it's not stressful. But I also have feelings, I'm not sure if he likes me like that.

He is an ''exclusive type of person'' now, it was a complicated situation back then, he and I are both more mature now. And I think one of the things with us is that we are exclusive in the sense of sex, and neither of us are seeing anyone.

We both have each others Facebook passwords because we used to mess around with it alot. He isn't speaking to anyone else, neither am I.

Our FWB situation is a little different, most are just sex.But with us being best friends aswell, we cuddle, stay the night, go out for meals and movies like normal best friends except we have sex aswell.

Sometimes just wish someone else could tell me what to do and what's best, because I don't know.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015):

Depends on what you want from him. If you want more than a FWB then yeah, you need to tell him. If you want things to stay the way they are, then don't tell him.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2015):

I sometimes wonder if people will ever learn when it comes to FWB. IT simply doesn’t work because it is very difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with no emotions or feelings involved. I think the best thing to do is be honest with him about how you feel if you would want to try a relationship with him. That way, he’ll either tell you that he feels the same or that he doesn’t. IF he does, stop having sex, try dating and take your time to build up a relationship which will be exclusive. If he doesn’t, it’s also time to end the FWB and put some distance between you both. That will hurt and be hard, but it’ll be better than being stuck in a FWB situation and being reminded of the pain of knowing that he doesn’t feel the same for you. If he doesn’t, distance will help you move on. The other thing he might do is say that he wants an open relationship with you. It sounds like this guy has never been a one-woman man. Well, you’ve labelled it FWB, but you have really had an open relationship for the last few years. What you are talking about is exclusivity and, although I think you should tell him how you feel, I’d prepare yourself for the fact that he won’t want that.

I wish you all the very best.

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