A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone :)I think I am only now realizing that maybe I like my friend more than just a friend.I have a friend (call him B) who I have known for around 5 years. He was one of my first friends when I moved to USA. We met in a community college, but we transferred to different universities that are in different cities but withing the same state. We still kept in touch though.Back in the days when we were in community college, there was a time when I knew I liked B more than just a friend, but I thought he might have a girlfriend (he didn't) and I decided to forget about the feelings, suppressed them and treated him only as a friend. Though around the same time, we had a classmate who told me once that he thought B liked me. I told him it was impossible. B is really different, he has very high standards, he is very intelligent and kind, he is a really great guy, strives to always better himself and works very-very hard. So I never thought he could ever like me. B is the only person that makes me want to be a better person. He has had huge influence on how far I have come in life.I got to know one of his friends who also was friends with my other friends 3 years ago. I developed feelings for him and we dated for 3 months, however, none of our friends, including B, knew about it. They just noticed we got super close and maybe had doubts. The guy I was dating once told me, that B asked him whether we were dating, the guy answered him no, and B told him that he would be happy for us if we did, cause two of us were the smartest people he knew. Anyways, it turned out that this guy wasn't serious about me and only wanted to have fun. I stopped dating him and stopped initiating any contact. However, I made a stupid thing that I am not proud of. While dating this guy, I started pushing B away, any time we would chat on some social media or meet in school, I would quickly tell him that I have to study and have to leave. He of course noticed that. :(Me and him are in different cities now. After I left that guy, I never pushed B away again. He has always been so kind towards me. Last year when I was applying to grad schools, he checked my draft of statement of purpose 7 times, send it to his mom for the final check and all of this during his finals week when he himself had to study. I got into a PhD program and am leaving for another state very far from where we live in less than 2 months.During Christmas some of our community college friends got together. B was there, of course the guy I dated was there as well since we were all friends. Me and the guy I dated were acting normal like nothing happened between us. We started taking group pictures, and I don't know why, me and the guy I dated ended up standing next to each other for a picture, he put his hand around my shoulder, and another friend was taking the picture, then I saw B's face, he was smiling but it seemed sad (at least to me), then he got inside the house. B always compliments me out of nowhere, once he told me "I must say [my name], I have been in school for about 5 years now, and you are still one of the most amazing people I have yet met. You strike a balance between curiosity, intellect and compassion that is truly unique" (I asked how to answer his compliment here awhile ago, because I was left speechless), then recently we were texting, we were talking that I get excited and want to do everything at the same time, and he said 'I like your excitement, it's one of your qualities I like the most, makes you who you are', and I told him I'll miss him when I leave for grad school, and he said 'awwww, we'll get together this summer, go for a hike' and I told him as long as he comes back before I leave, and he said he'll plan accordingly, then he said (implying grad school)'I am glad everything worked out for you so well, you deserve it, you truly are an amazing person', he said not to let school take my all time though and enjoy life and have fun and that he is proud of me. Do guys usually say things like this to their girl friends? I have other guy friends, some maybe said once that I am great, or am cute, or that I am kind and care about others but no one else says things like B. After this I have been feeling weird. Especially, that I am leaving for grad school which will last at least 5 years, of course I'll be back to visit my family, but he might not be in the city, cause he is applying for Med school next year, though he is planning to stay within our state, but who knows where he'll go.My grad school is the most important thing for me, and I want B to go to the best med school because he deserves it.But I still feel sad, I keep thinking what if he likes me (maybe just a wish), and what if I am losing a great guy. Should I suppress my feeling again? I guess there is no other choice left. Sorry for this being so long. I just needed to tell this someone and it seemed like telling to strangers online, who help people like me figure out stuff, was a good choice :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (16 June 2015):
 My gut feeling is that his words to you are a very thoughtful and profound thing to say to someone you see only as a friend.
Whether or not circumstances allow anything to happen between you in the future is a separate issue entirely, but I'm guessing he does have feelings for you.
In your shoes? I'd tell him how you feel about him. It may not change anything about the directions you head in life, but at the very least it will save you from playing "what if..." for years (if not decades) to come.
I hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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