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I've developed feelings for a friend

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Question - (30 December 2014) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2014)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My situation is quite complicated..

When I was 19 this girl really liked me a lot but I didn't like her at all.. I was very shallow when I was young and I regret it. As time passed rby we remained friends.. Eventually she became my best friend. The problem was that recently now that I'm 22 I started seeing her differently.. I'm starting to have feelings for her as more than a friend but I know she only sees me as a friend. She really likes this other guys but they aren't really talking at this moment, she's confused in her love life.. And it bothers me on what action I should do. She's leaving in 9 months but I want to date her but I feel if I tell her how I feel it will change our friendship and it won't be the same. Can someone give me advice in this situation, I really like her but worried that it will never become anything for than a friendship.. And another problem is that she is getting kicked out of her apartment and needs a place to stay and I offered for her to Tay with me but I feel it will place an emotional burden on me..

What would you suggest,

Thank you to anyone that answers :)

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 December 2014):

If she has not shown any change in feelings toward you, I think telling her your feelings could complicate things.

I don't think it's a good idea to share an apartment. Maybe for a couple of weeks until she gets on her feet. If you allow her to live there longer than a couple of weeks; you will only reinforce your romantic feelings, and make her feel trapped. There is no way you would let her move-in, and be able to contain your feelings. If you could, you wouldn't have written DC about it.

Most people who develop romantic-feelings for a friend aren't dating regularly. They concentrate all their time and feelings on that friend. Then they get too comfortable with that friend, and never venture to date other people.

They get jealous with other people who show romantic interest for their friend, and sometimes cause trouble. It's just easier to fall for a friend. You don't have to face rejection, and you can trust that friend.

Don't allow her to stay with you too long. You have the wrong kind of feelings, and things might get very awkward.

You need to date other women. You mention nothing about her flirting with you, or showing you any signs of interest apart from friendship. I think having romantic-feelings for a friend is setting yourself up for frustration. If she doesn't feel the same for you, you'll be upset with her.

I also think if you let her move-in; and made a move on her, she would feel it was a setup. You'd be tempted to take advantage of the fact that she relies on you for a place to live. Then if she rejects you, you'll want to kick her out.

Date other women. Let a friend, stay a friend.

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