A
female
age
18-21,
lilly_lex
writes:Hello, My boyfriend and i have been together for about 10 months now, we fell in love, and totally trust each other.Now he promised me he doesnt email other girls on myspace and other social network sites, but the other day he had logged-on on my computer and the next day his email address/password were still typed in. I never thought i would snoop, but i just couldnt delete the pass word and instead logged in as him..There were several emails from girls- mainly from other countries. One in particualr which annoyed me saying that she had missed him. So i then have a look in his sent box. He had emailed all these girls back with such words as 'love hearing from you' 'i miss you too'When they have asked him what he did at the weekend, he had replied with - he spent it with friends. when he had not he had spent it with me.I also noticed he said to them he is saving for his holiday, which he is not, it is our holiday.Point is he lied about not emailing girls and fails to mention that he has a girlfriend here.Makes me wonder what oother girls he talks to while 'forgetting' he has a girl friend.Should i confront him? i know i shouldnt have looked in the first place.
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fell in love, has a girlfriend, myspace Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Well confront him if you're prepared for the relationship to end. I've learned from experience the focus seems to go to your dishonesty and not his. The guy I was with was so angry he never spoke to me again. Never again answered a call, email, or text. If you're willing to risk that then tell him otherwise find another way to voice your concerns.
They are from another country. Some guys just need the ego boost.
A
male
reader, caveman  +, writes (15 July 2008):
Its what SOME MEN do. You have a deciever on your hands, get rid of him. His lie is already undermining your relationship, things can only get worse. Hold out for a guy with integrity, may take a little longer to find but well worth the wait.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, saltwater + ♥, writes (15 July 2008):
 Some people on here are over-reacting. I wouldn't worry. It's what lads do (that's if he is a lad...)
Especially now with e-mails and instant chat programs etc. it's easy to chat and talk to people miles away, and like you say all these girls are in other Countries...so unless he needs to take a single flight business trip to Hawaii I don't you should think about over-reacting just yet.
"love hearing from you", "miss you too" Come on, these aren't exactly the worlds most incriminating statements are they? "What an amazing night of steamy hot passion we had" would be something more incriminating.
You should just tell him you accidentally accessed his e-mail and discovered these e-mails and that they have upset you. Don't go in steaming or losing your temper; just talk to him about them.
He is keeping messages from girls secret; you looked at his e-mails; you're both in the wrong. No-one can then take the moral high ground.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Well if you want complete honesty, you are going to have to do it from your end as well. You are going to have to tell him that it was because you didn't trust him that you used his password to hack into his account. On these sites, they timeout and your password doesn't just stay on there for anyone to just log on, especially after 24 hrs. And if for a freak chance it did, it wouldn't show you what it was. You'd have to copy and past the invisible characters onto each site and usually they are encrypted so that probably wouldn't work. What I'm suggesting is that don't bring more dishonesty into a situation where you are expecting honesty from him or it just looks like you are trying to 'bust' him. That's no way to have a relationship. If you can't do this, then let it go. You can always ask him if he talks to other girls on myspace and see what he says and you'll know by his response if he's lying to you or not, right? Then you have to decide for yourself if you really want to be with someone you can't trust.
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (15 July 2008):
 well at least you know that you shouldn't have snooped, trust and respect of privacy is very important. i think that you should be honest with him and explain to him that he was still signed in on your computer and you saw his emails. apologise for reading them but you want to know wat is going on. ask him why he's emailing these girls and why he kept it from you.
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A
female
reader, DEAD-0N +, writes (15 July 2008):
I think you should confront him bird! he's a liar & you have been truthful 100% throughout the relationship. Just tell him you went to go on the computer and he was already signed in and the messages were there so you could'nt help but read them. It doesn't matter if you were snooping or not, he should not be hiding things from you and especially.. he should not be emailing other girls :S. He obviously is not satisfied with you. Sorry to break it to you but he has obviously met them if he's saying he misses them and you should confront him and talk to see what the problem is. If he hasn't got a good enough answer.. you should let him go, if you love him and forgive him then you should stick with him. Its not a crime to snoop.. you were just curious! =]
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers + ♥, writes (15 July 2008):
Oooh this is always a tough one.
How you do it is very much down to yours and his personalities.
Personally I would play the innocent approach. I would go to him and apologise that when you logged on to myspace, his was still signed in that you clicked on his inbox because the curiosity was too much.
From there his reaction should tell you how to go next. If he's feeling guilty he may either kick off and start yelling at you and make it all your fault so he doesn't get blamed for anything. Or he might realise he's been caught out and start saying how sorry he is and coming up with excuses.
To be honest though, if he's going off flirting with other girls online and pretending to be single then I wouldn't stand for that. I'd tell him that he can go off and be single if he wants, and dump him. Its not a big thing but it's a very bad sign and if you want this to be a long term relationship then it could be a sign of more serious cheating later on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Jen86 +, writes (15 July 2008):
Ask him again if he has emailed other girls. If he says no then confront him as he can't even be bothered to be honest. Don't say that you logged him in but that the computer automatically did it (it does happen). That way he can't have a go for snooping. If he still denies it leave him as he sounds like a rat.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Well you should of not look at it, but you did ... so what now?Hm ... you should definetely talk to him. Does he have you on myspace as "in a relationship" if not, ask him why is that ... if there is a reason. You should not tell him, you went through his email, cause than he wont trust you no more, and it maigh have a bad effect on your realtionship. I understand he was lying, but you had no bussines getting into his stuff.His emails sound really wierd, But! He is not talking to a girl next door, these girls are from different countries he have never met right? So its pretty safe. Unless he will tell you he is going for voccation to China (or wherever)than you dont really have to worry too much. Maybehe just likes to play around on the internet and pretend to be someone he is not (yeah he needs to grow up, but thats besides the point). You def need to talk a lil to him,but dont mantion the myspace email check!good luck
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