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I've been sort of dating a man whose mum just died. How should I proceed from here?

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 March 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone,

I hope you guys can help. I was kind of dating this guy for the last 2 months - but i wasn't sure it was dating because we met through a friend and he took me out in the evenings about twice a week, if not more, hed pick me up, drop me off - but nothing ever happened (no even a kiss or a compliment etc), yet we would message almost every day. I was patient though because his situation was that his mum was really ill and thus i understood and assumed he wanted to take it slow as can't really commit to anything now (he would take care of her).

His mum has now passed away. It really hurt me that he's hurting, as now i care about him. I sent him a condolences message and he replied, but my question is what to do now? I want him to know im here for him - as a friend or more - but i don't want to put pressure on him or message him too much etc. Basically I don't know exactly how to balance being there for him (like checking how he is every day) and giving him space at the same time.

I'm willing to be really patient and definitely will not start asking questions about us, but i guess i just need help as to how to behave. I don't know where he lives, so can't send anything etc, i only really have his number.

Its hard because we weren't just friends, but at the same time we're not together, and even though we got a bit close and got to know each other, we're not that close either.

Any advice would be great. thanks everyone :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015):

Yes, I agree - just let him know, maybe by text, that you are there for him but you understand he may need space. When someone dies, especially a parent, life can feel oddly 'fake' and 'inauthentic' because the grief is so deep, nothing feels real for a long time after. He may not be able to talk about it and may need a LOT of time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015):

I would just say that you are there for him if he needs you and leave it at that. You are wise to give him space. I lost my brother a year ago and I still am reeling from it.

At first when people who cared about me tried to get me to talk about it, thinking it would help, it didnt and I shut down. Everyone is different though...sounds like you are already doing the right thing to me.

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