Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): He's married and you have been seeing him behing his wifes back. What goes aroung comes around.
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I agree 100% with Wild Thaing.... you need to look within yourself and heal what is broken there. I really hope you can find yourself again - and happiness long term.
One comment though - re your post, so many "other women" use the excuse that you "can't help falling in love with someone - it just happens". I'd like to say that I personally do not accept that for one minute - and think it is a dangerous way to think...that you had no choice in any of this?? Even if you became involved before you knew he was married (which I doubt) - at some point you discovered the fact. You then had choices. If you truly do want to heal and move on - and if you truly don;t want to end up someone's mistress again you need to think about this - honestly. You need to confront the weaknesses you had - the selfishness, the desire to ignore your usual values and morals, your need to convince yourself that what you were doing wasn't really all that wrong. If you can't own that - and be honest with yourself about what went on to allow this "relationship" to happen - then you are in danger of ending up in a similar mess.
I am not saying this to be harsh - just to make you think...the time for excuses is over now.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 "How do you move on r get over loving a person?"
First, look for love within yourself. If you love yourself, you won't make choices that require deception, like sleeping with someone who can never be yours 100%.
Second, figure out why it is you chose to cross a boundary that leads only to the destruction of your self-respect. When you figure this out it will be much easier to do the first thing and love yourself.
Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to each and everyone who answered my question, you are all very right in your comments, but sometimes falling in love happens and it does matter who the person is, it just happens. I agree with all of you, why do I want to be third or fourth etc. if he does to his wife he most defenitely do it to me. But now the hard part is breaking it up and telling him he lied and move on. How do you move on r get over loving a person?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (5 August 2008):
Sloppy seconds, or is that thirds or fourths? How can you know possibly know where you are in the "pecking" order with a liar?
If he can disrespect his wife he can certainly be equally disrespectful to the likes of you who enable his cowardly behaviour. But you can console your ego with the knowledge that you belong to a harem of infidelity.
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female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Heheheheh....sigh. You are suprised? Upset? Hurt? Betrayed? Yeah, think of how his wife will feel when (not if, WHEN) she finds out about you!!! Ever consider dating a single man?
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Good grief! Such incredible stupidity . . .
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female
reader, loria +, writes (5 August 2008):
What did you expect for him to not cheat on his mistress hes a dog and you should be ashamed of yourself for sleeping with someones husband and you surely do deserve to have your own (husband)dont you think
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female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I'm not sure what you are expecting from him? He is cheating on his wife with you so why wouldn't he cheat on you too?
As hard as it may be, it sounds like it is time to let this one go. There are plenty of men out there who would love to be with you and are unattached.
Clear the airstrip of this bozo for the right guy to land.
Best wishes xo
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female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (5 August 2008):
The cheating nature of this guy aside (the other aunts have covered that), if you are certain he is lying to you about this - does it make you wonder what else he lies about?
You must have done alot of 'convincing' of yourself that this guy was worthy of commiting your time and ?heart to...but maybe it is only now that you are seeing the true nature of him AND your relationship and the lies that is is built upon...looking at it properly with rose coloured glasses off for the first time??? Is it a bit hard to face perhaps....I mean, in reality you walked right into this! Like the aunts said - what did you expect? I think you convinced yourself that "you were different" for this guy (I'm sure he fed you a good line too)...and it might turn out that you and his cheated on wife have more in common than you think right now...he's getting bored with you too!
Noone asks to be lied to and treated hurtfully - but people do it to others all the time. I'm sure you're a good person but you have been happy to be involved with some other poor woman's man...everyone can be vulnerable to behaving badly, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it in return. Take this opportunity to look at yourself, the life you want and what you need to do to get that...this guy has been using you for 6 years, don't waste anymore time on this.
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male
reader, Replacement +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I think you asked for this by carrying on with a married man in the first place. He's obviously a dog. Why would he be faithful to you?
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male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Hes cheating with you......and you expect him to be faithful?
Where did you get that idea
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Move on and realise that he will never change. If he could cheat on his wife with you for 6 years without actually leaving her then what is to stop him cheating on you??? You are wasting your time with him x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): What do you expect? I'm sorry if I sound harsh but you are harvesting what you seeded. And also if he was unfaithful to his wife What makes you think he wasn't going to do the same to you? Clearly this man is a Narcissitic Idiot. He'll need constant admiration from people and specially women for the rest of his life so he can feel good about himself. I had a fiance who was like that and it's all about them. They only care about their needs and manipulate their partners to accept what they want and their partners are always last in their list. They never change unless on therapy. But that doesn't happen often because none of them understand they have a problem. I think this is the moment God is saying to you Enough is enough. End the adulterous relationship already.
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