A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been seeing a married man for eight years and now he tells me he wants to leave home and move in with me. problem is i dont want him to i know if he cheated on his wife with me for years i cant expect anything but the worse from him but at the same time he treats me like a queen and has always been ther for me how do i turn him down without hurting his feelings. oh and another thing i think his wife is leaving him due to findings about other woman
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (3 June 2008):
 If his wife caught him cheating with other "women", not just you...I would hope you wouldn't let him move in with you and why are you concerned about his feelings? Sounds like all he wants to do is see other women, not just you. With you as the other woman, you would be the Queen, because he wants to keep you around...and because his wife is FINALLY leaving something that is not worthy of keeping. He would also need a place to stay...and he's hoping you'll take him in. 8yrs is a long time to be tied to someone that never thought highly of you, because if he wanted to REALLY be with you, he would have long ago. Your being used. Look for single men, there out there....why are you afriad of them? They actually could ask you to marry them.
Think seriously about this....he sounds like bad news and you need to RUN FAST! I could lie to you and tell you all the things you WANT to hear, but I can't do it, that's not me....I can only speak the truth, packed on with some wisdom years and experience. Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 I think that he was treating you like a Queen because he had time to when someone else was washing the skid marks out of his shorts! When his wife was his maid, he didn't appreciate her because she was acting like his wife, probably because she became his "mother". He also needed a mistress who he could treat as a sexual and romantic partner who DIDN'T remind him of any domestic restraints or bills! Well, I guess you probably have a valid cause to worry - Reality! He wasn't grown up enough to be in a real relationship.
"A man who marries his mistress creates a job opening!"
If you don't want to be the one washing his shorts, don't let him move in! He needs someone to take care of him now that his wife isn't! If you want to be treated like a Queen, don't bet on it happening after you become his domestic partner and I doubt that you would be up for poopy diapers. It doesn't sound like you want a grown up relationship either. If you want to keep dating guys who have character flaws, it would seem that you have gone to the right place by only dating married men. If your only requirement in a relationship is to be treated like a Queen, keep dating married guys or overthrow a small country.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Of course, you could give him something close to the truth... something like you're simply not ready for him to move in with you right now, which is the truth, but it doesn't say when you'd be ready.
Personally, I can understand your trepidation -- if he cheated on his wife for 8 years, what guarantee that it won't happen to you. Have you tried to pose this question to him as well? To me, it seems like a valid question if he's trying to step the affair to a more domestic environment, wouldn't you say?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): If you love him. Why the cold feet. Has he cheated with anyone after finding you, if so then yes...you should think twice. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Hurting his feelings? I doubt you should be so concerned with his feelings at the moment. Its cold, I know, but you know that he is a cheater, after all, you are the "other woman" and he could do the same to you.
Although it has been fun, you need to tell him that you never thought it would get this serious and although you care for him, you don't want it to go any further. Are you planning on ending things or would like it to stay as it is?
For future's sake, don't involve yourself with married men or men in a relationship. You know that they are hurting someone if they are cheating and shouldn't be trusted with your feelings either.
Take care!
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