A
female
age
36-40,
*ackielynn
writes:I am not sure what's happened. Between yesterday and today the only thing that's changed is I texted a group text "Hey guys, are you going to the party?" No response. Then today I find myself defriended by a person I had a connection with. Sure we have both been in committed relationships in the past two years. It's one of those things where there never is and now that we are moving to different cities, there never will be. Sure, I am not a big fan of his girlfriend and judging from what I gathered from his reactions, he is not exactly the most in awe with my partner. There was a lot of chemistry but we never crossed the line. I am not sure if she could tell a little. Already grieving the loss of proximity, now I find myself bewildered. A really relaxed guy and who friended me first. After a text, he randomly defriends me. Now do I grieve over the loss of even keeping in touch using social media? My first reaction was well she probably did it or made him. Feeling a little sad. How do I process this?
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female
reader, jackielynn +, writes (20 June 2014):
jackielynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Tisha! Your kind words are so helpful. Yes I do practice yoga. It's been a couple of months since I have gone for a class. The peace and serenity that one can find in yoga practice is exactly what I need right now.
It is hard to say good bye. I am pretty poor at it. But all relationships begin and end for a reason. I think the best thing to do is just to leave things exactly the way they are. Sometimes it takes effort to be at peace with not knowing what exactly happened. :) It may be better that way anyway.
Thanking for helping me process all this!
This totally caught me off guard. ;)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 June 2014):
 And just to be clear, I didn't write that piece about friends coming into your life. I have heard it many times and for some reason your question pulled it out of my memory banks. I tried to find the author but obviously didn't get very far in my google search, ha.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2014):
Ah, yes, the wondering why the change would be a bit of a puzzle. How about this idea, contemplate how this situation right here right now will feel in a year's time. Then in five years time.
Does that change your perception of it at all?
I think he was your friend for a reason, and you verbalized it when you said "I felt like I had a best kept secret that I was dealing with quite well." So you were nurturing the secret and felt good about how well you were handling it.
Are you feeling pulled in a lot of directions and asked to do a lot and just want something just for yourself that no one else knows about?
Jackielynn, do you practice yoga at all? Or meditation? If you do, then spend some time on the mat or sitting quietly and I am sure you will accept what happened.
If you do not, I would really recommend you give them a try. I think you'd really benefit from some compassionate self-awareness. :)
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A
female
reader, jackielynn +, writes (19 June 2014):
jackielynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the bewilderment part was just the main part.
I was always very careful that I didn't let on anything. In fact, I probably ignored him and minimized the talking for a couple of months now. We barely saw each other. I was very mindful whenever the gf is around as well. I thought whatever there was between us was strictly unspoken of and completely between us. And was ready to leave it behind as we all move on forward.
It's not facebook really. Nor is it social media alone. I guess I felt like I had a best kept secret that I was dealing with quite well. Then this whole defriending business threatens my view of it and makes me feel like this is no longer private. Either him or her, this makes me feel vulnerable. Does that make any sense?
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A
female
reader, jackielynn +, writes (19 June 2014):
jackielynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. That was such a well written and perfect answer to my question Tisha!
I already know what to do. We are just caught in a career transition phase and both of us are moving on to different positions in different cities. There is no opportunity to discuss this and that window will be closed soon enough.
It is for the best. Thanks for putting this into better perspective for me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 June 2014):
 It's Facebook.
YOU say you have a connection with this guy, so I would presume you talk to him outside of Facebook? If you do, why not just ask him?
If you don't talk outside of Facebook, then I don't see the big deal.
There are "facebook-friends" and then there are REAL friends.
It kind of sounds like you have a bit of a crush on him, and that is the biggest reason you are upset about not being Facebook friends. Like Tisha said, maybe FOCUS on your BF and your relationship then on a Facebook status....
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A
male
reader, Malcontent  +, writes (19 June 2014):
Be straight up. Ask him what happened and why. He may be frank and tell you that he did it, or any other variation of truthful reasoning, or bullshit and deny all responsibility. His girlfriend might have done it, but if she did, it should be apparent in the way he says it. Otherwise, you can be fairly sure that he would be placing his girlfriend in the line of fire before him to remove all accountability.After you've done that, decipher as to whether or not you want to hang around with this guy, whilst he has a girlfriend, or just stay with your current partner. I would suggest the latter, as the former doesn't sound particularly enticing. You'd ought to just keep things at an arm's length between you two after you've talked, since he is in a relationship with someone else, as are you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2014):
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person...
"When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
"Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
"Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
"LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
— Unknown
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Which category does this friendship fall into? Maybe that will help you decide. Perhaps he defriended because you were growing too attached and he didn't want to lead you on. You talk about chemistry and not crossing the line, so he just removed the temptation.
Perhaps this is what your current relationship with your partner needs now. You may have been too focused on this friendship and it was time for that to end.
Good luck!
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