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It's over. Is going no contact the best way forward?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend yelled at me.

In his words, not yell but was speaking curtly. He used expletives and went on about how he wants nothing to do with me.

I am a little unnerved and shocked. Right now, I don't want to have any contact with him. I am trying to calm down but my heart's pounding.

Is going no contact the best way forward? I don't want a future with him.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 March 2016):

CindyCares agony auntJust out of curiosity :

he said that he does not want anything to do with you ever. You say that you do not want to contact him and you do not want him in your future.

At this point, what other possible way forward there could be rather than going NC ?! What alternative could you be thinking of... ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2016):

Calm down. You are just very mad now. You're yelling and screaming. Calm down.

Let it sit for a few days. Once you're calm, think about what happened. What lead to the arguement and him yelling? What was your part in it? One person cannot start yelling for no reason. Think about the whole situation.

You need to realized that while he is wrong for yelling, you somehow domeway also played a little part in this arguement.

Then talk to him about what happened and try to resolve it. If at that time he is not listening to you and continues his yelling, then yes, it's time to break up.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 March 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF you have not told him that it's over and you have had this type of situation before then I suggest a text going "I am not going to take the type of abuse you heaped on me today ever again. consider this notice that we are done. DO NOT contact me in any way or it will be deemed harassment."

THEN block him on phone, social media and email.

IF this is the first time he's done it you can say "I will not be spoken to that way, goodbye"

THEN block him on phone, social media and email.

and stick to it. living with a verbal abuser is killing me.... i do not want to see others suffer.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (9 March 2016):

Ciar agony auntIf neither of you want anything to do with one another then 'no contact' would certainly be the way to go about it.

Block and delete.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (9 March 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf you don’t want a future with him, then let him fulfill his most earnest wish, as he put it, that he wants nothing to do with you.

If you share a home or some other expenses then you will need to see a solicitor to make sure your legal rights are represented in a formal split.

If you two have no shared assets then breathe a deep sigh of relief, get your besties on the line, all around you and supporting you! It’s breakup support time! You will no doubt have supported a friend through a similar split, so ask for help and you’ll get it!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (9 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYes if you don't want him in your future then block all contact. You don't need this in your life. Take time out to be happy by yourself.

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A male reader, Sam Wilson United States +, writes (9 March 2016):

Sam Wilson agony auntWell you said what you want...You dont want a future with him!

All that is left is the execution...

You clearly need to be away from him right now, with those hurtful words yes its right for no contact...you never even said that you love him once.

If he does make the effort to reach you...as a guy give him at least 1 chance but take it with grain of salt...because everything he says may be a plan just to have you back.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (9 March 2016):

Definitely. No contact. This could damage your self esteem and you don't need that in your life.

You are better than that! You deserve much better.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntOf course it is. Why would you even consider staying in contact with someone who thinks talking/yelling at you like that is OK?

I get that people can be heated and argue, but he has said he wants nothing to do with you - so give him what he wants (and what you NEED) and cut the contact 100%.

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