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It's not an affair, right?

Tagged as: Forbidden love, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I found out my partner has been in contact with her ex saying that she misses him. We've been together two years. I don't think they have met up just exchanging calls and messages.

Should I be concerned? It's one thing to say you miss someone but it's not an affair?

View related questions: affair, her ex

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A male reader, froglegs France +, writes (16 July 2017):

there is no extra info in your new posts,

I see that you are to her just a nice guy, you don't turn her on,

Your just a sex friend, a human sex toy, Two friends that share an house, have sex because it is something to do,

But her heart is with the ex, for all you know ever time you have sex she is thinking of making love with him,

She sends him the odd message hoping he will take her back, but he does not want her back, She would send more only it would look like stalking and he could or would have to get the cops to talk to her, Every time you go to bed it is like having a 3some,

She is running after what she can't have and does not see what she has, Your in what they call friend zone with extras,

You need to move out to theach her that she cant have you as just a spare wheel, that if she does not put him in her past that yu are not going to be the guy that just fills in the space while her love is with another, if is you or him but not the 2,

You need to respect your self you love her but you can't make her love you and she does not see what she has and what she is doing,

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just a follow up,tomthatnlast reaponse. It's like she's got me because her relationship didn't work out. We don't live near her ex and we have a completely new life the other side of the country in our own home. She messages her ex every few months saying she misses him but he won't take her back. In the meantime she acts like life is normal with me (not realising I know).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

But from the message I read she is perusing him. He's said he's not interested ( it sounds like he moved on) and that she had two many chances to put the relationship right before they split up. It seems all quite one sided which is even more confusing.

The thing is she's acting like nothing is going on. The messages have been sent late at night whilst i was in bed. He told her that she shouldn't be sending the messages and that she was behaving badly towards me. Is that good of him or am I being naive? I genuinely believe he's not up for an affair.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017):

To be honest it's how affairs start she misses him he misses her ..shall we meet up and it goes from there

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A female reader, holeymoley Australia + , writes (14 July 2017):

holeymoley agony auntInnocent or not it most certainly is not something most partners would like to hear. 'Finding out' is all so secretive and thats a problem. Does she know you know, if not ask her. No point mucking about, you want to know and have a right to. I think that's where you need to start before assuming the worst.

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A female reader, Miss.Cupid United States + , writes (14 July 2017):

Miss.Cupid agony auntHow exactly do you know this?

I wouldn't necessary be concerned. But you're here asking for advise meaning you need help. I don't know if you have anyone close you can speak to regarding this if not its okay. Let me be your cyber friend.

Leave.

Why be with someone who isn't happy where they are with you. They're wasting your time and their own. Why try to make things work when they aren't?

She's telling him she misses him means she's not over him, and she's probably just waiting for him to want her back and she'll leave you in a heartbreak.

I think you know the answer to your own question.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your thoughts. She didn't tell me, I accidentally saw some of the messages but she doesn't know yet. I just wanted to get some other opinions to see if I'm over reacting before i bring it up with her. They had a bad relationship and I understand her ex has moved on and is with someone else now but my partner can't seem to let it go after all this time.nindont think he's encouraging her.

I feel like second best and it's really hurtful. Especially as she's sending the messages when I'm asleep (she normally stays up later than me). This hasn't just started happening - I think it's been going on the whole time we have been together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2017):

Did she tell you she misses him, and why? Or did she tell him and kept it a secret from you? I think this makes all the difference. It's okay, I think, to still occasionally talk to an ex and be friendly. It's also okay to admit that you miss the friendship. What's not okay, and what constitutes an affair, is going behind your back. If she misses him in a romantic context, not purely a friendship one, and she told him this, and she went behind your back doing so - then I would say it might not be an affair just yet, but she's attempting to start one.

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A male reader, froglegs France +, writes (13 July 2017):

She is with you until she can find something better. Her heart is with the other guy if he takes her back she is gone out of your life. You at least need time away from each other until she gets her head straight, and if you ever want her back, to her you're just a second. Don't you think more of your self then to be wasting your time with a woman that is still in love with her ex'.

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