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It's been 3 weeks and HE hasn't called..should I wait for him to come back?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 September 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2008)
A female New Zealand age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a single mother of 2 and I met a younger man aged 25 who seemed very sweet and loving towards my children.

I wasn't looking for anything too serious at the start and told him so but he is very assertive and within a week, he was suggesting marriage and babies and within 2 weeks, we were living together.

He's from a wealthy family in the Philippines but left the family business to pursue his own "dreams". He arrived in my country on a Visitor's Permit due to expire this coming October.

He asked his parents for money to study - they agreed, then somehow, things changed and they withdrew their support. He was pretty messed up about it so in the end, decided he would go back there and take out a mortgage against his OWN properties to fund his tuition and residency.

We parted on good terms at the airport, he was sooo reluctant to go but PROMISED he would come back. He also made me promise not to see anyone else while he was away; I asked him to do the same.

Well, it's been 3 weeks since he went back to the Philippines to sort out his residency and find money (he needs $20K as International Student) for his tuition. He phoned me the day after he arrived in the Philippines, we talked briefly but then we got cut-off. The cellphone number I have for him is only good in my country so I can't reach him.

He hasn't contacted me since and now I'm starting to worry. His course starts at the end of the month. I miss him terribly, so do the kids. So should I wait for him or is it time to move on? Thanks to all :-)

View related questions: hasn't called, money, move on

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A female reader, down_underdiva New Zealand +, writes (2 September 2008):

Some fantastic answers here, thank you! Yes, Epifanatical, you are right, the situation is "very" complicated as his parents want him back there to run their business and he just wants to live his own life. He said he wouldn't be away more than a month, I gave him 6 weeks! But after 3 weeks, I'm feeling rather disheartened, hence my question, I guess only time will tell, cheers :-)

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A female reader, Aunty Em United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2008):

Aunty Em agony auntLike the other Aunts have said; move on! It appears you have been taken for a ride. If this person was a genuine soul (genuine, ie - as he was when he lived with you), he would've definately been in touch by now. Focus on your children and not him.

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A female reader, epifanatical Australia +, writes (1 September 2008):

epifanatical agony aunthmmmm.. this is a complicated one.. the guy sounds as if he has domestic issues with his family.. perhaps he is having trouble raising the funds quickly and is trying to sort out this??.. is there another way to contact him?.. perhaps at his home?.. or via IM like yahoo or MSN? you can always get an international calling card to make calls specifically to certain countries.. it would work out much cheaper than calling from a mobile.. and you wouldnt have any troubles with access

long distance romances are always difficult to maintain.. and it must of been a big joke when he said not to see anyone while he's gone.. esp if he has second thoughts.. isnt it obvious that if he did care he would be attempting to call?.. or if he cant manage that at least write?.. you shouldnt be waiting around and putting your life on hold for this guy.. life doesnt stop just because we are in love.. so get out there and have fun.. the more you wait around believe me the more it will get to you.. so stop!! your kids look up to you too so dont project a negative image.. if he truly wants you he will come back.. or get in touch.. but dont wait for that to happen.. get on with things !! i wish you all the best sweetee :)

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A female reader, down_underdiva New Zealand +, writes (1 September 2008):

Just because he's from the Philippines doesn't mean he's a poor-begger. Like anywhere, you have rich and poor. In fact, an independent source confirmed his family's status, of that, I have no doubt.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2008):

Wow, I'm sorry to tell you this sweetie but I think you just won the gullible woman of the year award.

"I have rich parents and many properties... oh no wait for some bizarre reason they won't help me get an education, I must return home because I have to sell one of my own properties, by hand, I can't use a lawyer or anything..."

You knew him for 2 weeks and had him living with your children! That is just a bit silly in my opinion, he could have been a psycho and was obviously "assertive" enough to weasel his way into your home.

Son's of millionaires don't act like this.

Hope for the best but expect the worst.

And next time don't introduce a guy to your kids till you have been seeing him for a long time. Do you want them to remember the long stream of "daddies" that came through their home? Is that really the model you want them to follow when they grow up?

Good Luck!! xx

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