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female
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anonymous
writes: Can a marriage survive without sex? My husband and me are totally not sexual anymore.. I feel,my sexuality is dead. He is impotent , not medical. He is healthy,was checked out.. And never looks at me as a man,looks at a woman. But he says he loves me.. We have 3 children and 24 years together. He is good ,he works, he is kind, not drinking ,or womanizing. but that's it. He is not really a help with our grown kids life, or anything else. His fav time is working.. Home business, so he is not away,but it is no help for me.. It is very sad,but I miss sex. Yet I dont want to compromise such a solid marriage otherwise. Please tell me, if you think its not gonna work. Or how can I make it work? Please dont tell about counseling or spice up ,its already done.. Thanks for reading.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): TELL HIM what you need! Do it in a loving, non-treating way, and NOT right before bedtime. Odds are good that he wants more of a connection as well, but feels bad about the way things have been. Get playful, connect... get naked and under the sheets and just be playful- even if it doesn't result in intercourse, touch each other, kiss and hold one another. Then see where it goes.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 If you can't have sex, you can always pleasure each other or use toys .That's a compromise and it is better than no sex at all.
You can have a marriage without sex as long as he showers all his attentions and love on you .
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Dear lady,
From what see ..
to answer your question - answer is yes , marriage can survive no sex. yes it can.. so no worry on that side.
How ever, do not worry much, you have great life in this world.
enjoy the family.
he may come back to sex again. do not worry much about it.
Any way there will be changes at your age and your DH's age and we all have to live with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): You don't say if he is affectionate or not. If he not as time goes on, you will miss the that, and you could start to look for it elsewhere. On the sexual side, you could satisfy yourself, which I know isn't the same as two warm bodies, but at least it would fill a need on some level.
Think back to when the sex stopped, can you think of anything that changed? Did it stop dead or was it a gradual thing? He is tired, stressed from work? From what you say it sounds work is the focus, and its finding a way to pull him back from that. If he is working from home, maybe he can't relax because he feels is always at work, he is not really getting any time to miss you either. Try and make sure you spend some time apart
You have to decide if you can make it work, is this enough for you?
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reader, Brunel  +, writes (18 April 2010):
If you want sex then No! it is going to get worse. You want sex as otherwise you would not have asked the question.
Why does he not want sex - you Madam are in your prime and its a fairly natural thing. Do not dismiss counselling or anything else as in the end you may seek sex elsewhere which will hurt everyone.
Suggest he leaves the house for a month and you have a separation - he will then ask why - tell him? Have the break anyway, you know that this situation is serious and will get worse?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): You know, hon, it's really up to you to decide. Everything else is good - he's working and providing, your kids are grown and thriving. All the things that a marriage is supposed to accomplish, really, are done. Except for your fulfillment.
I don't know what your chances are for finding fulfillment sexually outside of your marriage. Of course you want to find that within your marriage, but it sounds like he's just not there. So the question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to stay in the marriage, or do you want sexual fulfillment. Stay, and nothing changes. Leave, and maybe you can find a thrill before you're too old. It's a tough question.
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male
reader, LarryGalapagos  +, writes (18 April 2010):
I am only 26 and male, so I may not understand the situation. I guess I would recommend talking to him about it. You're certainly not the only couple out there with this issue.If he really cares, maybe you can get him to look into Viagra or Cialis. There's no shame in that.It's great to hear that you guys sound like you have a wonderful marriage, but just part is missing right now, and I'm sure you guys will be able to work it out :)
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reader, KiwiBina +, writes (18 April 2010):
First off... a marriage CAN and will survive without sex if it is cherished right.
The basis of a strong marriage is the chemistry and love that a couple has.
Sex is just a bonus, you know?
Perhaps you should try sitting down and discussing this with him. There is also the option of 'seducing' your husband again. That could end up rather fun.
Read his mood and everything and find the right moment to spark up the fire once more. (Sorry for mentioning to spice it up, but that IS one of the main things people are going to tell you.)
As for his favorite time being work, you can always incorporate some one-on-one time while he is working. Warm up to him a little; bring him food, heck, FEED him the food if you have to! That can start a little intimacy right there.
Build up the intimacy little by little and hopefully it'll reach the point that you want it to.
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