A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been really looking forward to xmas but now im feeling depressed.The plan was to go to my mums for lunch like i do most years, the only difference being this year my sister has moved out and now lives with my mum and she has invited her boyfriend to dinner. I used to go to school with this guy (her latest conquest!!) and i didnt like him so i dont really want to sit there and have xmas dinner with him. xmas has always been just family - my mum knows that i dont like her bf and thinks its best that i dont go! Its gonna be a lonely xmas :( Any Advice
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Diplomacy is what is called for here. That's where people who don't really like each other or have much in common sit and talk about items of mutual interest without firing any warheads at each other. It's excruciating for some, but generally only lasts a few hours, and then it's over and you get the satisfaction of not having shown how much you dislike the other party.
Forgiveness, generosity of spirit, grace; these are hallmarks of the season, and together they are the gift that you would give to your mother.
I'm sorry you don't like him, I understand, I'm not crazy about all my relatives. But I manage to be cordial and I have learned to ignore any stupid comments or hurtful remarks. I think to myself "Duck Duck Duck" and that the comments are "water water water" of this duck's back. Or maybe a spaceship type power shield would be another way of looking at it.
You could also suggest two meals. One for you and your mum and they have another one. That way everyone's happy, fatter, but happy.
Good luck, you'll be fine.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Ditto what CD said. I had a brother-in -law that drove me crazy but I had to get over it or stay away from family get togethers. Not an option. Go to the dinner, it will get easier the more you do meet up at Mom's.
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A
female
reader, Corine +, writes (19 December 2008):
Hey, why be depressed over someone elses stupid behaviour? Go! Enjoy your "mum"! Have a happy day with your mom, and family. If your sister feels the need to pull stupid shit . . . That's all she gets! You go and enjoy for you, your mom, family. Don't play her "hurt you" game. Merry Christmas!!!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 December 2008):
 It depends what's more important to you, being with your family at christmas or continuing to dislike this guy. Maybe he'a changed since school and even if he hasn't, you need to make an effort to get along with him because your sister likes him. What if they got married? Would you stay away from your family for the rest of your life? Maybe now is the time to make an effort with him and sort out your relationship
CD
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Be mature about the situation, and go to xmas, even if she brings her boyfriend.
Just be an adult about it. Your going to come across MANY people you don't like in this life, and you won't be able to always run from it. Don't let a silly little spat with her bf ruin YOUR xmas.
No one said you have to like him. But in the end, if he is your sisters boyfriend, you will have to deal with him from time to time, and every now and then, have to be in his presence.
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