A
male
age
30-35,
*91
writes:Thanks for taking the time to read this question.Basically, my fwb came around the other day and after we had gotten into bed and started kissing and what not she told me we wouldn't be having sex that evening.Obviously I was kinda like whatever, and just roll over and go to sleep. I can't work out a reason when she knows that's what this arrangement is. She would of told me if she was on her period so I don't think that's it and I don't think it's anything to do with 'changing feelings' either because I tried to make things official but she didn't want to yet as she had not long broke from her bf when we hooked up. My question is why would my FWB come to my house to not have sex, when that is the specific arrangement?
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 March 2015):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Cindy, as ever that was an interesting insight which I seem to have overlooked.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 March 2015):
 Eh N91, that must mean that you never cease to surprise me,lol.
As for the anon female reader : it's not that I want to convince you, anon, you are surely entitled to your opinion !, as for mine,FWIW is this :what is REALLY weird is the way people takes FWB for the same as booty call - it's not, or, it should not be - and even more takes sexuality for just strictly " genitality ".
The girl has been hanging out with the OP for the last 6 months, he likes her , she likes him, they have a superficial, recreational yet HUMAN relationship. What's so strange if, once in a blue moon, maybe she does not feel very horny YET thinks " Yeah I am gonna say hi to old N91 and have a cuddle or whatever ". And what's so strange if once in a blue moon she wants to skip intercourse, is it so really weird ?. She did not sign a contract with the OP with the obligation to perform specific sexual acts !, she may not feel sexual some times yet feeling SENSUAL.Because of natural hormonal fluctuations, for instance. She may still have a hunker for physical contact, fondling , sleeping spooning with another naked body etc.etc.. Now if this were so all the time, I guess it would be a raw deal for the OP , :) but they are also sort of friends, for once he can oblige without the need for many explanations and justifications, right ?
In fact, N91, I suggest that maybe if it should happen again, .. rather than saying " bummer " and rolling over and falling fast asleep.... you can try and ask / see if your talents / attentions may be required in other ways than intercourse ? .... A generous friend ( with benefits ) is one who is rewarded when it's his turn of feeling lazy....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): For me its a bit weird also. Why would she even come in a first place if she didnt feel well? She knew you expected sex, then why no, and also without explanation.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 March 2015):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha not the first time I've had that greeting from you Cindy!
I do tend to overthink things a bit which is a tad annoying. I'll just let this slide and see if the behaviour continues or not. Like you guys said probably just an off night.
Just for context, we've been in this arrangement for almost 6 months.
Thank you
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 March 2015):
Sigh ... I remember you N91... couple years ago you used to be such a romantic kid... And now, look at him :) he says whatever, rolls over and goes to sleep (:.Lol.
I feel you are a tad overthinking this . If it had happened a few times it would be weird, but so far it just happened once. People are people, not machines. And it is Friends with Benefits, not with penetration. She did not want to break your date because she was in the mood for some sensuality and intimacy ( kissing touching whatnot ) BUT, due to whatever physical ( vaginal itch / burn, an upset stomach, tiredness, lack of sleep, a headache, anything ) or mental condition, she wasn't up for full sexual intercourse. She still wanted a piece of yummy you :)- just not THAT piece THAT night.
Is it a convincing scenario ? Or , you only accept a full service 24/7 FWB ?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 March 2015):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah we've both been tested recently. I don't think it's anything to do with her past bf, we've been having sex for months now, this isn't the first time.
She doesn't strike me as a girl to see multiple people at once and she told me at the start she wasn't interested in meeting other people whilst talking to me.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2015):
 She was still thinking about her ex bf and she was worried that by being intimate thoughts of him would come back. That's what happened to me. She wants to move on from him by getting with someone new but just lying in bed was all she could handle that night. You like her enough to want to make things official. I would worry if you develop feelings for her she still views you as FWB in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): Wow, some men are...well,weird.Women have sexual needs too,btw, being FWB is very,very far from what you implied,male anon.To the original poster: FWB is NOT a contract that guarantees you SEX every night. Hell, nothing does that (even marriage...)I know you think that this is the "agreement" but hey sometimes, you start it off but then you just don't feel like it etc. etc.I think what she wants (if I'm reading her right) is what I wanted once. FWB with the little things thrown in for good measure.Little things=coffee together (here and there,nothing "expected" but I personally feel rude if someone wakes at my place and I don't offer at least coffee/breakfast. Yes, it's an agreement for sex, but "FRIENDS with benefits". I.e. I prefer to remain friendly with him. And have good manners.I think that confused the guy a bit at the time...But if I wanted "fuck buddy",I'd have said "fuck buddy", not "FWB" and yes, for me,there is a difference between the two).It could be any number of things, Chigirl may be right, also if she came over to your place, she might have just been thinking:"Oh,I have so much work tomorrow, if I do this now,I'd be so exhausted tomorrow,I won't be able to perform well."That happened to me too once-he wanted to watch a movie together first. Ok, fair enough.Hugs, kisses=very nice.But by the time the movie was done it was already midnight and I was already thinking "Oh,I have to get up really early tomorrow+ so much work at the office. I don't want to be tired the whole day." (It was a Tuesday)So I preferred sleep to sex at that time (not that I did not like him, I did! I was just very tired). That simple.That said, I think you should end it with her-I was in the same place and if it has been a long relationship her thinking won't be getting any "clearer" for a while. Not that this is a problem- the problem is you seem to like her (as you've already mentioned you'd rather like a relationship).She might not know what she wants for a while...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 March 2015):
 There could be any number of things, but for most part when a girl doesn't want to tell you why there'll be no sex, it's because of something she considers private and not a topic for discussion. So my guess is she was afraid she'd fart, or maybe she recently got tested for STI's and wants to wait for the result, or maybe she wasn't horny for some reason or other.
Have you been tested, btw? Do you know she's not seeing anyone else?
There could be something that just happened to turn her off sex, could be nothing related to you at all. I wouldn't worry too much about it, if there's something you need to know then she'll tell you eventually.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 March 2015):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anon,
SHE was the one that didn't want anything serious and reminded me that this was only casual. I wouldn't say that me following a fwb as expected would be me treating her as an 'unpaid prostitute'
Thanks for the input chi girl, I didn't think of it like that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 March 2015):
Maybe she got a sudden belly ache. That would be my guess. Sometimes, if I ate the wrong thing, if I have sex I just end up farting because of the pressure on my belly. As farting is considered a turn off, it's better then to just say "not in the mood tonight, hun".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): Maybe she came to her senses that she is your unpaid prostitute and since she isn't one wanted to send you a message that it is over for you. At least I hope so.
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