A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm with my bf for 2 years, currently we are in LDR due to his work. Its been days since he contacted me, he talks to me only once a week for few mins. I call him once everyday he never picks, if he does always finds reason to cut the call in few secs. Says he calls me back, never does. Don't respond back to my text. Says he loves me, but never shows that in action. I know for sure he is not cheating on me. I begged him last night to show me in action he cares about me even if its minimal. No response till now, didn't respond back to text nor called me back. I don't know what I feel anymore, confused, angry, sad. I don't want him to leave me but I don't want him to treat me this way either.Even tried not calling him for a week. That time he called me in 4 days then again went back to his old ways. He was not like this 1 yr back. What should I do now? Pls help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): The indifference your boyfriend is showing, may be an indication that he is getting used to his freedom. You have to initiate contact, and his response is short and unenthusiastic.
Why did you say you don't want him to leave you?
By all evidence in your post, one gets the impression he already has. He's out of town on business; but not happy to hear from you nor seems to miss you. There is still the question of how many hours he works? Is he a laborer or white collar worker? Is he usually an avid text messenger and social media user? Has he gone on long business-trips before, and behaved this way? Did you fight before he left?
Has your relationship been rocky up to now?
Assess his actions and decide on whether this is acceptable and dismissible behavior on his part. Look back on the overall quality of your relationship. Have you been in denial, because you just can't let go? Just overlooking every sign and clue he gives that he wants out? Something tells me that you have and you are.
It's just hard to write this off to him just being tired or busy. You didn't mention if there is a time difference; but after a few weeks you start to miss your boo. I can't determine if you're overreacting, being hypersensitive.
All the evidence points to: "he's just not that into you."
How long is he supposed to be away? Was his departure and separation mandatory, or voluntary? Just because it was job-related doesn't mean he had to do it. My job has given me the option to work out of town, and I've also volunteered and switched places to allow a married colleague the option to remain with their family. I'm single, but dating.
You even went for days without contact. This is a sign to me that someone doesn't care to hear from me.
You're asking what should you do? I think it's best that you come to that decision on your own. You need a little more time to see how distant he is. Not geographically; but emotionally. We can tell you to dump him, which is my suggestion; but you already said you don't want him to leave you. So you have to reach this decision on your own.
He's sending you silent but blaring signals to let you know that he doesn't miss you; and seems to be happy with the distance between you. Your post seems eerily familiar.
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Something has changed. You say he did not act like this a year ago. Then how did he act? Are you sure he hasn't always been emotionally distant to you? Has perhaps the physical distance just deepened the emotional? Or is this entirely new, as you say? Did he start acting this way when the relationship became long-distance? Does he not want to maintain a long-distance relationship? Is something else diverting his attention? Work? Family? Perhaps another woman? My point is that you need to ASK. Only he knows. Instead of just demanding he be less distant, ask him to explain what's changed. Ask him why. Ask him what he is feeling, and say nothing in return. Just LISTEN. If he still puts up a wall, then I think it is reasonable to suspect that he either a.) no longer wishes to continue the relationship, or b.) has in fact found someone/something else, whether you want to believe it or not. Relationships are about connection, communication, dedication, and time. There are only so many times you can cast a line without a bite before you decide to go fish in another pond. If after a meaningful attempt at communication and reconciliation you still have made no progress, I think it is time to move onto another pond.
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A
female
reader, Katie-Lynn +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I know that you do not want to leave him, I totally get it cause of the feelings I had when put in this situation, but please understand that if he is not at least showing you love in action that his words mean nothing. The texting and calling thing I know sounds like an issue, but even my bf of 3 years isn't very good with this but he at least treats me like a princess in person and you should have that too. Men tend to lose touch a bit when it comes to texting and calling after being solid in a relationship because he trusts you and that you love him and him to you. He's comfortable basically cause the relationship is out of the constant praise stage and is now able to know that you don't need that anymore. Guys see this as needy if he feels he has to continue to reassure you that he loves you cause you two have been together long enough to know this already. If a friend doesn't contact you daily, does that mean he/she doesn't care for you anymore? Of course not! You trust that you two are still friends through thick and thin and this goes for relationships too. Although, he should be picking up the phone for you more than he does not picking up and if he's not showing you the undying love that you diserve in person to make up for not seeing or commuicating with you then he isn't all that into you. He is probably checking up on you on rare occasions because he is using it as a cover up for lack of interest and guilt. Maybe even cause he's cheating but this doesn't sound good regardless. A relationship is respect and love and this man doesn't show it so....there are plenty of men that would love to have a good thing with you. Not all men are the same like I used to think before I met a man that 'acts' like a man. You can't make a guy grow up to be one because men like that just don't want one right now or even ever. If you want to seriously salvage this though, then tell him all of this and see which direction he leans towards. If he really loves you he'll try to fix this but if he doesn't show a single care in the world then it's time to say that you are leaving for a man that 'will' be a man and love you the right way. Sorry for this and best of luck to you.
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