A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,It all started with a kiss last April, thus began the most intense, loving relationship I ever had. After dating an abusive, horrible man this was a welcome change. My new man told me he would one day make me his wife, and was so, so in love with me, and I him.This year, it is a little bit of a different story. Late last year he was very depressed about his work so I showed him a music degree as he is a very skilled musician. He applied for it and got in, and got the news this January. It means moving out of the family home for the first time to a new place, and living with me in September. Until then, he is stuck in a dead-end job he despises 5 days a week and goes in each day with a big, black cloud over his head. He deals with it worse than he ever did before and has told me that everything - absolutely everything - in his life is stressing him out. He seems really quite depressed, on self-destruct, and he craves a LOT of alone time. If I tell him my worries or ask him big questions about our relationship he doesn't know what to say, and says "I don't know!" to a lot of the questions. Yet, he has said he does not want to break up with me or see other people, and that he is excited about September. He told me recently he got rid of all his condoms as we don't use them and I'm on the pill. That to me tells me he does not even envisage sex with anyone else any time soon, that he is with me, committed. Yet, the affection has reduced to minimal and he NEVER says "I love you" first any more. I often feel like I'm not getting the full story when I ask him what's eating him but then again, how can someone that doesn't know give you the full story? I feel so helpless as I am well and truly on the outside of this. I don't know how best to comfort him and I am scared I am going to lose him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): It's clear:
He is stressed, unhappy in his present job situation, and depressed about it.
Don't put any more pressure on him about you and where the relationship is going. You have September ahead of you, wait until then.
In the meantime, be supportive, and somewhere safe he can come to, away from the doom and gloom of what is work right now.
However, you also have needs - emotional, etc and he needs to be there for you too. Otherwise it's all about him. So once in a while, when he is feeling a little better on a given day, that is when you can ask some of the more pressing things you want clarity about, or security on.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I think the most important phrase in your entire submittal is this one: "...and I am scared I am going to lose him."
Consider to STOP reacting to FEAR and, instead, reconcile to yourself that it IS possible that you and he might (ever) go your separate ways.... but that you needn't react to it (that separation) with FEAR.....
Good luck....
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