A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay im confused. I have this friend named chris. I have been friends with him for 6 years. He is gay. But i have had sex with him twice. I see him more then a friend. Like a husband, cus i can always tell him everything.I don't know if i'm in love with him. Anyways, I think i love him. I just cant see myself having sex with him. It feels weird having sex with him because we are so close. I can only mess around with guys i dont know. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Okay. It seems like there are a lot of issues here.
The first one is that you can only have sex with guys you don't know. Are you afraid of commitment? Have you been hurt in the past?
My best guess is that the answer is "yes" because you are in love with someone who is totally unobtainable (a gay man). He's your best friend, and you know he can't ever break up with you because he's only a friend and can't ever be more.
You all should not have had sex. Again, YOU know it won't go anywhere, and he shouldn't have done it either, but I understand that your relationship has crossed some boundaries and you both were probably very confused at the time.
You're not letting yourself get close to other men, and you also say that this man is like a husband without the intimacy.
I think you need to seek counseling because you have placed yourself in a safety bubble and have thrown away the key.
You have to break out of this cycle with Chris, and stop thinking of him as a husband. No more sex.
He can be your best friend, but keep it at that. When you start to think of him like a husband, spend some time away from him.
As for meeting a new guy, I think you need to work through your issues before even entertaining that thought.
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