A
female
age
41-50,
*ikkiNikole
writes:Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018): In house? Totally fine. In front of guests? Not okay. Her dad is the problem though. Dads will not see their daughter in a bra and see anything but their daughter, most likely looking away, unless they are perverts and the biology of men being visual doesnt change that fact.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 November 2018):
 Honeypie’s response is precisely what I’ve been trying to express, but couldn’t find clear enough words, as I’m not a parent, but it really is no big deal unless you make it one - IF it’s your daughter. When it’s NOT your daughter, then yeah, it’s inappropriate, but not your place to do anything about it. Why are you there?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 November 2018):
 I have teenage daughters who DO occasionally run around in shorts and a sports-bra in the house and yes, around my husband. In summer our house got as hot as Hades. No one cares.
There is in no way anything sexual undertones about it.
In the mornings, I get up to wake the girls up, make them breakfast and drive them to school and YES they might run around in their underwear while getting ready for school which MIGHT include running downstairs for a shirt/pants/whatever that got washed/folded the night before.
In our house this is just not a big deal.
However, if ANYONE is over (friend who is sleeping over, family visiting, any kind of guests and no, they do NOT run around without being fully clothed.
I think this teenager is doing it to provoke. Not sexually, but a "I can do what I want" thing.
She isn't your daughter. If you are uncomfortable I'd leave.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 November 2018):
If it’s a sports bra, it’s not really any different than a crop top. Does it make a difference if she’s wearing a sheer top over it? Lots of woman and teen girls are wearing sheer tops with their bras visible - does that change it, even though you can still see the bra? A white top with a bright bra under it? Where do we draw the line with what a teen girl can wear in her own house?
I don’t have an issue with her walking around her house in a bra, if her lower half is covered. That said, it IS odd if she’s doing it when guests are round. Why are you there? What’s your relation to her and her dad?
What really concerns me are your comments about her dad possibly not controlling himself when drunk. THAT is worrying - not what she’s wearing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2018):
 That's a curious question, I wonder what made you think of it, something creepy in this man's behaviour, which you have seen, or heard of ?...
Personally, I am not fond of heavy drinkers , in fact I think they are a nuisance and a disgrace ( there , I said it ! ) BUT I knew and know quite a few of them and never knew or felt that any of them was not safe to be around their own daughters ( or sisters, or mothers ) because prone to molest them when under the influence. I don't believe that just drinking can make you commit incest. Unless you are a type of person who already has incestuous leaning and impulses, and no power or desire to control them, - and in this case your daughter ( or sister , or mother ) is not safe around you, no matter what she wears, a bikini or a burqa.
You must not have a great opinion at all of this guy for thinking him capable of something so horrific as trying to screw his own daughter once he's had a few drinks !, and in this case I wonder why you choose to be around him , and to stay at his place..
As for the girl's attire, I have to agree with you, it is inappropriate, but not because by lounging around in her bra she is inevitably going to arouse sexually her male relatives and drive them over the edge,as you seem to think, simply because it is shabby and slobby, and downright disrespectful if you have company or guests , as it is the case right now with you. There is a proper time and place for every attire and clothing item, at the beach you dress for the beach, at work for work, etc.etc…; underwear and lingerie are thought and made to be worn UNDER other clothes and not shown off to all and sundry , unless you are some rockstar who makes a living also out of her sartorial shenanigans.
(Btw : " If guy teens can walk around in their underwear …" No, they can't ! Surely not in my home, nor in any of my friends' or relatives ' houses :). Same rule for boys and girls.)
Then again, she is in HER house, and if the rule that she has been taught in her house is that she CAN walk around in bra and underwear, as a guest there's not much you can do . Trying to impose, or even suggest, your rule, even if you are convinced in good faith that your rule is much better , could be seen as controlling and interfering.
Of course, if you really believe that this young girl is at risk of being sexually assaulted by her own father, WHAT she wears , bra or school uniform, is not relevant and it should be the least of anybody's worries. The main worry should be to contact the proper authorities ( child protection services or whatever they are called ) so that they can investigate and take the proper steps to protect her and / or remove her from the situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 November 2018):
 If anyone around here has read Genesis 19 from the bible, it's a story that definitely DOESN'T get featured in all the spiritually corny statements and platitudes, trust me! Genesis 19 tells the story about two daughters who had lost their husbands when Sodom and Gammorrah were torched to the ground. They devised a plan to get their father blackout drunk TWICE, have sex with him TWICE, and get pregnant just so they could have children. Long story short, it worked.
Gross. As an aside, the Bible is 10x more gruesome than books that get banned by schools regularly, but that's neither her nor there!
I'm with Wiseowle on this one. Women's equality can't mask away biological imperative, and a girl shouldn't wear a bra around the male members of her household, sober or drunk. Her mother and sisters? Sure! But men are visually stimulated, and dressing in a bra or less can make them uncomfortable whether they are attracted or not.
I know guys walk around in their underwear around the house, and I've often thought that it's just not fair that we don't get to do the same, but we women don't have that biological response that guys do, as evidenced by the massive imbalance on who consumes porn or who is in more trouble with ogling.
As for the father who drinks?? That depends on how much he drinks. 95% of fathers wouldn't dream of touching their daughters even if they were walking around naked in front of them. If the guy gets blackout drunk every night, then he needs to get some help, and your focus should be on his help, not his daughter's attire. Otherwise, she should wear a minimum wardrobe at home as long as guys are there, drinking or sober. Wearing a T-shirt and a light pair of shorts is every bit as comfortable as a bra, and to be honest, why run around the house in a BRA?! They're not the most comfortable attire anyways!! I can't wait to take mine off when I get home and out of professional clothes!! Huh, maybe I need a new bra...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018): I agree with Andie if the lower part of her body is covered approperately I don't see it a problem although unusual. Where is the mother? I am sure if she was around she would have warned her. I think you shouldn't get involved in this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 November 2018):
With respect, I disagree, WiseOwlE. Plenty of teen guys can walk around their house in their underwear, so a girl should be able to as well - at least her top half, if it's a typical bra and not a sexy one. It's often more covering than a bikini and the public could see her in that!
No need to make her feel that she should hide her body at home, as long as she's not naked or not covering her knickers. Plenty of bras mimic crop tops too, or should she not wear those in her home either?
My point is, if her father is unable to control himself around his daughter, you need to tell him to leave. Drinking is no excuse for her not to be safe.
As long as she is not trying to be seductive by walking around occasionally in her bra for a minute or two, then it's not a problem. If teen guys can lay around in their underwear, a girl should be able to walk around her house with a bra and shorts on. If she wasn't wearing anything on her lower half except knickers, then yes, I'd consider it inappropriate, but a bra is covering enough perfectly well, unless it's lacy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 November 2018):
 And to follow up, if you believe this is a man who will not be able to control his judgement around his own daughter when he has been drinking heavily why would you even want to be involved with a man like that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 November 2018):
With respect. Your assumption men who drink cant be trusted to not sexually abuse their daughters is way off limits. If a man is inclined to have inappropriate thoughts or to have sex with hi teenage daughter he will do it if she is wearing a bra or a neck to knee pinafore.
In some houses there is not a problem wearing a bra and nothing else, this girl is in her own home, not out on the beach or even in a nightclub or at a gala event where exposure of as much skin as possible is not only acceptable but encouraged.
Who are you, what is your relationship to this girl? An aunt? A valued family friend?
From the way you have worded your question it seems you are very new on the scene, possibly in a relationship with her father?
While I agree you could ask her to cover up while you are there because it makes you feel uncomfortable be aware she may, depending how the request is worded, comply with your request in an attempt to make a guest in her home feel welcome or she might take a different view and see it as an attempt to control her or make changes in the status quo which she is currently happy with.
Step lightly, you will be inserting yourself into a parent / child relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018): She apparently has no guidance from an older female, that it's inappropriate for her to walk around the house in her bra no matter what! She should be covered in-front of her father, drunk or sober. She is no longer a little girl. When she's an adult living in her own place; she can walk around with no clothes at all if she pleases!
If a man would be so inclined as to touch his daughter inappropriately; never-mind whether he drinks or not, he would cross that line regardless. She hasn't been taught she shouldn't runaround all parts of the house in her underwear. That's what tee-shirts, tops, and robes are for.
Say something. Maybe she doesn't know any better. Even if she does, tell her anyway. YOU'RE uncomfortable about it! It's tacky and doesn't show any class.
She's a teenager, and she'll do it anyway when you're not there. At least make her behave in your presence. You're a guest and an adult. You deserve the respect, that includes even her drunken father. She's too old to prance around in her underwear in her parent's house.
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