A
female
age
30-35,
*m/J.D\m/
writes:Ive decided to put myself out here after been severely infuriated by some 'adults' on this site who deem it appropriate for CHILDREN to be having sex from as young as 13! do you think its appropriate for a child of this age to be having sex?? they may have a good understanding of certain things but surely they should be having a childhood not doing things that most adults regret at the best of times? as a child who was groomed into believing i could go off doing what i wanted because it was 'my choici' i was taken advantage of in so many different ways, why on earth to ppl sit on here advising young children to go off and play such dangerous games?? not to mention the fact its ILLEGAL am i only here or do others agree with me?? its making me feel physically sick! and just for the record, i am not religious i do not think sex always has to be in commited relationships and what not. i just believe children should be just that! your input here would be hugely appricated. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, briana983  +, writes (23 August 2009):
i think it is inapropiat but i am a minor and i havehad it b4 and i didnt know what it was at first so it is unapropiate but kids experiment its natural
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): i know what you mean anon,the people on here really do need to open thier eyes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): oh yes i can defend myself. but it would be a waste of time as 95% of the people on dc are closed minded and age discriminant. good day
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Tisha, thanks for the article. long but makes sense. powerful message
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I read Tisha! Well said! Now, do you think this thread has been bashed enough? Especially as people are taking hits at firestorm when she can't defend herself. (even if the statements are true)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Age is NOT "just a number"; it is the measure of how many years you have been around and a rough indicator of maturity. There is a HUGE difference between an 8 year old and an 18 year old. What happens in those 10 years is the process of maturing, not only physically, but also mentally. It is an extremely rare 14 year old who has the reasoning skills and maturity level of a 24 year old.
Let's get to sexual activity and its effect on health. I have found a great article which provides actual statistics--shocking statistics--for the rates of STDs in teens. Are you ready? Prepare to be shocked.
-------------
"Sexually active teens and young adults
"Sexually active teenagers and young adults are at high risk for STDs because they have biological changes during the teen years that increase their risk for getting an STD and they may be more likely to:
Have unprotected sex.
Engage in high-risk sexual behaviors.
Have partners who have high-risk sexual behaviors.
Studies show:
Sexually active teens and young adults:
Ages 15 to 24 years old get over half of all new STDs each year.
Have the highest rates of Chlamydia.
Ages 15 to 19 years old, have the highest rates of gonorrhea.
About 1 in 4 teen girls gets an STD.
About 1 in 5 teens and adults gets genital herpes, and it is more common in women than in men.
As many as half of all sexually active men and women have been infected with genital types of human papillomavirus (HPV) at some time in their lives.
Syphilis rates have increased, and it is most common in men ages 35 to 39 years old.
New HIV infections have increased in people between 13 and 29 years old.
--------------previous was copied from: http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/tc/exposure-to-sexually-transmitted-diseases-topic-overview
I'm not even going to go into the long-term ramifications of sexual activity before a teen is emotionally ready to handle it. Well, maybe just a little:
From the Irish Study of Sexual Health and Relationships, Crisis Pregnancy Agency, 2006:
• An increasing minority of people are having first sex younger, with 22% of women under 25s having sex before 175.
• An unacceptably high level of men, 47% expressing regret at early (pre 15) sex
• Almost double that number of women, 78%, expressed regret at first sex that happened too early (under 15). This is an ever increasing majority.
• Women are also disproportionately represented as the less willing partner in first sex experiences.
-------------------
Yes, you can quibble about the specific age identified, but most countries have decided that children are to be protected from sexual exploitation by adults. The age chosen may seem somewhat arbitrary, but the fact remains that society has taken a look at this issue and has decided on an age of consent that should allow for most teens to have reached an appropriate level of maturity. Some people, for whatever reason, feel or felt ready at a younger age, this does not mean that encouraging others to ignore the law is their right. If you disagree with the age of consent laws in your country, it is your prerogative to attempt to change them through the legislative process (assuming democracies here, of course). Telling minors (under the age of consent) to ignore the law is in fact irresponsible. http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm
Now, educating these minors as to how their bodies are built and about pregnancy and STDs and how to prevent them, is appropriate, I believe. Sending children into the world without giving them these basic facts may lead to unwanted pregnancy, disease and potentially fatal infections. That is also irresponsible.
So there’s a difference balance between imparting information and encouraging underage sexual activity. I think it’s possible to do, and it is our responsibility as a individuals within our community here and in real life, to find a way to do it without encouraging violation of the law.
Whew, did anyone actually read this all the way through? Thanks for listening.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Firesorm, without judging you, you sometimes post irresponsible statements.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Firestorm, you seem to be very uninterested in the welfare of the young people you are talking about. So the sexual consent is lowered to 14 - what then? Kids become sexualised even earlier? 9, 10, 11? That will just encourage them into this much earlier than they are already, and at that age they really are still children. They have NO idea of the consequences. How exactly will it lower the teen pregnancy rate? Just because they are "legal" doesnt mean they are responsible enough to use contraception. What about the 14 year olds? I dont know if you have met any recently, but I work with them, and I have to say, most of them are not mature enough to deal with all the issues of growing up, let alone with all the things that come with sex. They are not dumb by any means, but they walk around in their own little worlds at that age, and are very selfinvolved. They are impressionable, they are easily led, and want to be seen as "cool", so very easily pressured into doing things they shouldnt. How do you stop a 18 year old hormonal boy taking advantage of a timid 14 year old girl, who wants to please? She is legal - so he cant be punished, she says yes, because she wants to seem cool/like an adult/doesnt want to lose him, but really she isnt mentally or physically ready. The majority of 14 year old girls I know wouldnt be able to put up a fight. Situations like that can scar people emotionally for a long time. The laws are put in place to PROTECT these young people, and that is all we are trying to do here, make these impressionable young people realise, that maybe what their friends and peers are telling them, isnt actually the right thing to do. If I told my pupils "go ahead, have sex at 13, get pregnant by 15 - its great - you are mature enough" Im sorry, but I would be failing them, by letting them ruin their lives, and encouraging them into a position of emotional,mental and physical pain and danger. I am not prepared to do that, so you may think I am being harsh, but sometimes these children need a big dose of reality.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): sorry about my spelling i sometimes mistype.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): "Hi Tisha, thanks for the response, confirming you are one of the MODS. Always wondered why you guys are."
finger error "always wondered WHO you guys are"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): if anthing thye consent laws should be lowered for numerous reasons rifraf but to name a couple.
1:it will keep over 16's and over 14's content,as teens are sexual,and deserve a right.
2:they wont have to worry about doing something wrong or illegal,and it will prevent many unwanted pregnancies,as they wont have to fear sneaking around,worried of going to a family planning clinic,talking of sex etc.
and i notice you treat all teens as dumb.not true.do remember there are those out there who know how to and can protect themselves.and whilst i dont like under 25's(ever since i was 5)i stand up for them as i used to be one,and know how i felt about all this,and know they deserve a choice and a chance.also some help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Hi Tisha, thanks for the response, confirming you are one of the MODS. Always wondered why you guys are.
...............................
A
female
reader, BadderzGirl +, writes (18 August 2009):
No offense but this is kinda a pointless question but anyways...
Underage is NOT RIGHT AT ALL. It's just...ugh.
I know people say it's just an age but the age limit is there for a reason. And as much as I hate our government at the moment, this is probs one thing they've got right
...............................
A
female
reader, jstdunno +, writes (18 August 2009):
All human beings are sexual. Sex has been around long before marriage or love or commited relationships.
Do I think it's right for a 13 year old to do it? No I don't. I think parents need to talk about sex with their kids and teach them that embracing their sexuality doesn't mean having sex so soon.
But most of all at any age the biggest factor for me is not a commited relationships but respect. It's respect that's missing these days (arguable always). Young people are going to want sex it's natural and if two young people over the age of consent respect and trust each other , be it for a night , a week or a year than that's fantastic. We can't all commit to people so easily. I for one hope to only ever commit to one man fully and I haven't met him yet but I'm still going to get my freak on!
But you are right about 13 year olds , they are still children and I find it sad that childhood is getting shorter and shorter. I saw a girl maybe 11 yesterday with hair extensions. false tan and a 'Playboy' shirt. I think it sums up what is wrong nowadays.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 August 2009):
I am one of the volunteer moderators here.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): "and as for the law well.will they find out if you do it in private?"
They will if an irresponsible 13 year old is having sex with an irresponsible 18 year old and gets pregnant. Laws are there to protect people, like a 13 year old having sex. As I heard one person say recently, "Why is it that we get dumber as we get older? I wish I was as smart as when I was a teen."
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Tisha, are you one of the MODS?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I don't agree with people advising teens that underage sex is OK, and that they should 'go for it', but it IS down to judgement on what Mods think is and isn't appropriate. The OP (regarding underage sex) is usually asking what people THINK, not what is right and wrong legally, so this is where different opinions come into it. It would be wrong for the Mods on this site to only allow things they agree with through, and therefor the OP would only get one viewpoint, even if it is legally the right thing to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2009):
This site gets blocked by the 'net nanny' kind of software protection available out there. If parents implemented that kind of monitoring and blocking, we might not have so many underage users here.
I do think teens are very interested in learning about sex as they are in the middle of their bodies' transformations from child to adult. To have access to accurate information about how their bodies work and preventing pregnancy and STIs is a good thing, I think.
I agree that we shouldn't condone underage sexual activity--but as other aunts have pointed out, the age of consent, a legal concept, varies from state to state and from country to country. How would you manage that?
For the most part, underage posters asking about sex seem to be told to WAIT by the vast majority of aunts here. Do you have some specific instances where this is not the case? Could you please provide the links to those here? There is a "voting" button for unhelpful or hurtful answers, for those of you who are logged in. Use it if you disagree with an answer; it may not get the post removed, but enough votes will get an answer scrutinized again.
Mods here are all volunteers and do the best they can to sort through the hundreds of questions and answers that come through here every day. Some questions and answers require judgment calls; you may not agree with every one of them, sometimes something slips by that shouldn't have been put through, it is not a perfect system.
If you have specific concerns, there is a "site feedback" area in the forums page; you may post there to alert the mods to a potential problem. You are also free to use that voting link for those answers you deem inappropriate.
Again, if you have some specific threads that need a mod's attention, please feel free to post them here and they will be looked at, I promise.
There are sites out there devoted to providing safe and accurate information for teens in this area, I have found a number of them. If you feel strongly about this issue, why not do some legwork and provide the links you find useful and acceptable?
Here are two I found:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/index.htm
http://www.scarleteen.com/
As to the specific suggestions that could be implemented, perhaps you could do us the favor of compiling those for ease of reading? Thanks!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): ".........yes, some 13 year olds are emotionally and physically mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship" (Anon, 16 August ) Now this is an irresponsible statement. condoning underage sex is a NO.Perhaps then the MODS should view what they post selectively just as they block other "irresponsible/harsh advice". so if it against the law to consent to sex / giving sexual advice to 13 year olds, then maybe our MODS should just also block our irresponsible advise given.i actually do not know how we are going to contain this or even manage this. yes, we are all up in arms but lets then be constructive and refrain from advising the younger kids on sexual activities. I hear the concern raised by all, J.D you did good by raising this issue and the healthy 'debate" that has followed. Where to from here? Lets just no sweep this concern and put it out there to the MODS. What are the alternatives. Good suggestions have been given. What do we implement?
...............................
A
female
reader, silly sue +, writes (17 August 2009):
The message I was receiving from teenage magazines in my own teenage years was "do it when you feel ready, don't rush": some of the stories talked about girls losing virginity at the age of 16, 17 (the age of consent in my home country is 15, I am originally not from the UK). The truth is young people are sexual, even at the age of 12, 13. But they are also very easily influenced by what they see around. I lost my virginity at the age of nearly 18, because that was the age that was socially acceptable to do it. I lost it to a guy, because in my country I was presented with a straight sexuality, even though later I came to realise I am as gay as they come. It was very clear to me that even though I was sexual and had sexual feelings when I was 14, it was something outside of my reach, it was a complete taboo for me then. People were kissing maybe, but that was it.If young people are given the message that it is o.k. to have sex at the age of 13 they will do it.There need be clear boundaries what is appropriate for children, it will not be achieved through denying that young people can have sexual feelings, but by making it clear that acting upon them is not appropriate for someone under the age of consent. What puzzles me though is that someone who is 14 and commits a serious crime will be responsible for it, but if a 18 year old has sex with a 15 year old then only the older one will be responsible for it: the younger one will be treated as someone who was not able to consent because of their age, purely as a victim even when they consented. In my opinion both of the parties who have underage sex should be responsible and should carry the consequences of their actions. Nothing will be achieved by "telling" young people not to do something. The have to be taught how to take responsibility of their bodies.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Also i do believe that questions from minors should have their own section on this site other than being mingled in with adult questions, in which some content or subject might offend, or even give them ideas of their own about having sexual relations!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Dear reader anonymous. You are exactly the kind of person j.d is refering to, so if you haven't got anything constructive to say to children/teens on this matter, then don't say anything!! Dear Firestorm. You as an adult should know that it doesn't take much to twist the arm of a teenager into doing something they may already be looking for approval of doing. Your advice would be seen as encouragement to have sex, the way you put it across the table!! The laws of concent are not only there to protect children from adults taking advantage, they're also there to protect children from doing something which they don't fully understand, their bodies are not ready for, and if done incorrectly, could potentially ruin their childhood! I understand that children and teens are going to do what they want anyway regardless, but what would happen if a child or teen got pregnant and has absolutly not enough life experience to guide another human being in the right direction??? None of us should take on the irresponsible attitude that i TOO have noticed coming from a fair amount of readers. It would sicken me to think that someone took advice from me and then posted another question later down the road saying, "i took your advice rifraf to follow my heart but now i'm pregnant, what should i do?" it just isn't cleaver. I personally think the age of concent should be raised to 18, since that is when people are officially declared adults! Does anybody else think it looks strange to see a 24 year old holding hands down the street with a 16 year old, even though the teen has reached the age of concent??? I'm with you all the way on this one J.D.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (17 August 2009):
 No the age of consent is there for a reason. There are far too many under age girls getting pregnant, or having catching STD. Physically and emotionally they not ready for such relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): i totally agree with the issue about teacher pupil relationships and something has to be done to protect these kids from prying teachers.
teachers having sex with underaged girls or young girls need to be named and shamed on a register. now getting the young girls to realise the severity of their actions with their teachers are something else.
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (17 August 2009):
\m/J.D\m/ is verified as being by the original poster of the question I would like to thank all of you for your input on this topic, even tho i have my own beliefs and do not agree with some of your statements im glad ive got so may different angles on the subject :) i definately agree that children need to be aware of practicing safe sex, and by that i dont just mean being protected from sti's i mean been protected from adults who are abusing their trust by taking advantage of someone so young physically and emotionally. again thank you to everyone, i think now that some light has been shed on the subject more aunts and uncles will perhaps think more responsibily when consulting a 13yr old on how perform sexual acts on her 19yr old boyfriend or following their hearts with their manipulative teacher whos abusing their trust and taking advantage.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Okay, put it this way. Not many kids come from the perfect background, so there's going to be some issues. So either a parent cramps down on one behaviour at a time and selects the important ones, or cramps down on them all. If they cramp down on them all together, fighting could be so bad, a kid unsupported could eventuate with mental breakdowns. But the answer is no it is not okay, but due to other issues, life is very, very confusing and complicated. Some-times there are exceptions. And all families are good and bad in different ways. Some-times too hard means the kid wanders off and if there is other family that's ok, so where are they wandering off too.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (17 August 2009):
Something else I think that should be discouraged is the trend for having relationships with teachers. I always discourage and say that this is both wrong and illegal on many levels, but there are Aunts and Uncles who condone this, basically telling the young and impressionable to follow their hearts - implying that yes, its ok to sleep with your teacher, even tho they are underage and it would be rape/child abuse/professional miscounduct.
How would they feel if their 14 yr old started having sex with a 25yr + teacher?
We should all be more responsible in our advice to the younger posters, not just give out the romantic ideal.
Poster - Thank you for raising this topic.
Tiger x
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (17 August 2009):
I have to say I totally agree with you. I am horrified that certain adults do condone underage sex. But I am equally horrified at the number of underage children who seem to be doing things that would make even experienced adults blush.
I had quite a heated debate with a 13 year old a while back, who wanted to know what she could do with her boyfriend, as she had done everything including anal (I mean, come on now - when i was 13, i wouldnt even have known what that was!) and she got quite bolshy and rude to me, when I actually commented that she was underage and what she was doing was both illegal and wrong, and probably doing her no end of damage. Her response was "its my body and my life, and I can do whatever it is I please so F**** off" ..... I find this a very depressing sign as to where our society is heading, but sadly that is the attitude that most of these young teenagers have. They WILL NOT listen to anything that adults have to say.
I am a teacher, and I see the sexualization of children every single day. 12 year olds snogging boys and on a few occasions getting caught in compromising situations. These are girls who may not have even hit puberty yet! It makes me so angry and upset that our children - and that is what they are - are being forced to become adults far too soon. Its not cool to be a child any more. All the teen magazines, disney films, even kids programmes are all tailored to make it seem cool to have BF's/GF's. I also think that introducing sex education so early actually encourages underage sex. (I will probably get shot down for that). I think that sometimes, ignorence is bliss - unless they have older brothers/sisters who are blatant and obvious about sex, then the gorey details should remain a mystery until they are of an age where they can comprehend exactly what is going on, not just the physical but also the emotional side of it. Having sex ed lessons for 5 yr olds to me is just plain ridiculous.
I dont think that underage sex is taken seriously enough - how many of them are actually prosecuted by the law? MAYBE if they actually got punished for it, they might think twice about it being so cool. I am a hard liner, and I know that some people think saying NO just encourages it - but we have to do something because its getting out of control.
I am only 25, but even when I was 13, 14, 15 - we were still very innocent. Yes there was the class bike, who had slept about and eventually got pregnant underage, but most of the girls of my age knew right from wrong, and would have had more respect for ourselves.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): I personally feel the issue has to be treated on a case-by-case basis - yes, some 13 year olds are emotionally and physically mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship. And as for the laws which make this taboo, we should not always blindly put our faith in government - 100 years ago it was perfectly legal for children much younger than 13 to do incredibly dangerous work for longer hours than some adults do now. This law seems absurd and abusive to us now, just as the age of consent will vary from country to country and will likely change in years to come - how can it be determined that 16 is the minimum age that people are ready for sex?
As long as two 13 year olds are both ready for sex, aware of its possible ramifications, educated about protection and are, of course, consentual, i see absolutely no problem with them entering into this kind of relationship.
(and yes of course i think that age-of-consent laws are practically valid when used to protect young people from abusive adults, before anybody attempts to twist my above statement.)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): I get where you are coming from. If I ran the site, I would not allow questions from 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 year olds on "how to" do a sexual act.....questions about anal sex abound and whether or not that is losing your virginity. It is in an appalling state of affairs globally that our children are becoming sexually active before they are physically mature and of course emotionally equipped to handle sex as well as not being educated on how to avoid pregnancy, STD's and the like.
I don't feel that this forum is the appropriate place to be talking to kids about sex or trying to educate them on sex, but most of us try to do the best in discouraging them from abusing their bodies and disrespecting themselves. I am mostly concerned that these young girls are so motivated to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that they feel they have no self esteem without such when they should be enjoying just being a kid and learning something in school.
I feel the parents of our young people are falling down on the job of educating their own children, they are leaving them to raise themselves while the parents sit on their cell phones texting, or talking constantly to their friends and ignoring the kids. So it is no wonder they turn to this forum, but it still doesn't make it right, nor is it our responsibility to save one kid at a time, because they are resistant to adult imput on this site telling them anything they do not want to hear.
We can't possibly sit accross a computer screen from a child and effectively teach them anything about sex and the virtues of waiting....they think they are invincible and they are heavily influenced by what their friends say and think and what the media crams down their throats, the sexualization of children.....it makes me angry.....but what are you going to do....
I tell them they would be best to open a dialogue with their parents and I point them to a document they can copy and print and hand to their parents to help the parents organize themselves to answer the questions that their kids may have. After all it is a family's job to instill their own values on their own children and to protect them first and foremost from harm, not ours on dearcupid.
But like I said, I would disallow the questions on this topic from children if I were running the site.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jen, +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Teenage people just don't understand that having sex at a young age can have an emotional side.
You can't really stop young teens from having sex. Whether they have sex in a bush at the park or in their own rooms you can't stop them.
I think it's better to have sex after 16. The amount of people who regret having sex under 16 is increasing all the time. But who asked them to have sex in the first place?
When i hear that people are having sex as young as 11/12 I just think to myself why? what's the need to lose your virginity so quick. Why can't you just wait til your a bit older and can trust the guy you plan to have sex with.
Teens only do as the please, so you can't stop them but can only advise them exactly why you shouldn't have sex at such a young age. At least if you give the right info they'll have sex without getting pregnant or contracting Sexually transmitted diseases.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): What does a parent do? If their kids say no, they run off with the boy. Big no's can make them more rebellious. Some parents want to monitor what is under their own roof. And parents take into account situations. A boy may be nice and make her happy, where her father just abandoned and rejected her. And look she's actually happy. Happiness may get them through their school work. If a girl was molestered and slept around a lot, big hard no's would not be understanding and make her feel worse, depression. You've learnt about the world young. Use it to your advantage. Get out of the victim mentality now. I'm saying all of this because you need to achieve a balance in your mind. There's a lot about law that I don't like. There's no hard and fast rules about anything in life. You know how you can get 4 different people all with different opinions on a topic. It all depends really. On what works.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I would never personally advise someone to do something illegal, just as I would never advise someone to have sex with a sibling (as we get asked so often on here!).
But in my opinion, having a legal age for sex is quite outdated. How can the government dictate we are all ready for sex aged 16? Some people may be ready at 14, others may not be ready until they are 30! So how can there be a rule that governs 60 million people which claims we will all be ready for sex at 16? I understand the need to protect children from adults who take advantage of children, but for two 15 year olds who are in love, where is the problem?
I prefer to advise based on the individual circumstances. If the poster feels they are ready for sex, they are going to be safe and they have been in a relationship for a while then I personally believe that they might as well go ahead. I will always say the whole "its illegal" bit, especially if one person in the relationship is above the legal age and the other is not.
I think under 14 is a little too young for sex, and some posters on this site do shock me with their questions about sex aged 13, but you must know that this site never allows questions from those under 13 so we never actually advise any real "children". They are all at least teenagers - I know that doesnt make it any better but kids are starting puberty younger these days, some even from the age of 6! So hormones and things like that are making these teenagers want sex, and the over exposure of sex in the media is contributing too.
While it doesnt make it right, you have to see that everyone matures at different ages so we havent really got the right to advise all posters that they are not ready for sex based on a number.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): My personal opinion, from an older guy, is that 16 should be the minimum age that anyone would have sex and preferably 18 years old. My wife and I both had sex for the first time at the ages of 21 and we are still going strong in our mid 60s, so waiting didn't seem to hurt us.
I think that telling someone who is 13 or 14 how to have sex is wrong, but talking to them about birth control and the risks of STIs and pregnancy is good. I think a lot of people answer a question without looking at the age. I know that I have done that before I started to be more careful about it. I would not want to tell them how to do anal sex or something like that. Hopefully, I have never accidentally done that. Of course, all then have to do is search for a question by a 20 year old to find info like that.
\m/J.D\m/, it is also impossible to open your page. That is probably why you cannot send a PM and no one can send you a PM. I'm guessing it has something to do with the \ in your screen name.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): hmmm topic post...cool...maybe the forum would be a better place for this? My Two'penneth....
I agree that underage sex is very wrong.
This is a global site, so keep in mind the age of consent varies from country to country (by about 6 years or so), also just because the law says on the stoke of midnight you are leagly allowed to have sex, what actually changes at midnight? the mind? the body? -actually its just the law.
i can't recall any posts that have actively encouraged it - that i have seen - (i could have been sheltered i guess) If there are posts that concern you then report it to a moderator.
we give advice about STI's, Conctraception, Emotional blackmail etc. If that advice comes over as encouragement, then i suspect its not meant that way. We can't stop them here, only guide them when they have wandered off the path, hopefully back on to it.
Star.x.
...............................
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Children can die they bleed and feel lonely they need love just like adults. 13 is considered consentual in some places and in others 8 yrs olds are routinely married off.Whats so bad about a 13 yr old having sex i agree there should be limits as to who she or he could do it with defiantly not a 56 yr old, its the parents job of determining weather there child is cabable of handling this.Millions of adult women and men are stuck in thankless unfulfilling mariages and millions divorce. even adults rarely make the rte choices when it comes to sex or we wouldnt have orphanges full of unwanted kids and an aids epidemic spreading across good portions of the 3rd world and a serious problem with it in the developed world.grown adult women routinely run back to abusive men till there practically killed they have child after child with a man that doesnt support them.sex is a natural and normal part of life by 13 you should kno about it and understand the risk. 13 yr and 14 yr olds that want to have sex will regardless of the law because at that age most dont care unless they live in a country they can be beheaded for it. It the parents job to teach there children about sex to determine if there child is ready and ultimatly give them permission im sure the parents say will be more powerful and effective then any law. Consent laws are to protect children form adults not from other children what sentence would you impose on two 13 yr olds getting it on beneath the sheets should they now register as sex offenders.if the parent thinks there child is ready then there ready bottom line because if they have a baby or get an std its going to be the parents responsibility. Now some will say well what if the parent lets her 9 year old have sex thats child neglect in my book because a prepubescent child is not sexually developed. from a religious point of view Mary was 13 when she was betrothed to Joseph and conceived jesus.And i wont even begin to get started on Joan of Arch.I once read a story of a 14 yr old girl that gave birth in her bed room chucked the baby out the window then jumped to her death her self her bf said she was afraid her mother had tolde her that she would kill her if she got pregnant and send the guy to jail.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Its complicated. It's an issue that is not simple. If you say to a kid, NO, you cannot do that, they can become worse. They can go off the rails. It depends on the kid, the family and the circumstances. My son was 14 when he admitted he was smoking cigarettes. Because he had no money to fund an addiction. He begged and begged for 1. I told him I was in shock. That I was going though the violence of adaption to this issue. That this issue struck me like violence. I was screaming out to him academic literature and he was debating hard and threatening. I was like, look at what you've done to me son. At the same time, factors in his childhood were not his fault. We had not been perfect ourselves and his behaviour was part and parcel of an imperfect environment for him. I felt he started smoking not because he intentionally did it to himself. I saw him suffering. I made it quite clear to him that I was very sad, that I loved him. And of the suffering I gave him a cigarette. As of my response and one of his mates, he realised this was no good for him. He started asking questions, and I'd say as long as no more a day. Then boundaries were placed, only smoking with his friends outside the house, for him to use up all his pocket money. He was soon working hard with no pocket money to spend when he went out, so went out nowhere with his mates. One day on his own accord, addicted, he said I've had enough of this smoking! I've got no money and I'm standing out in the cold. So he gave it up. It was his own decision. Now if I had said NO when he wasn't ready and suffering when he wasn't ready, but I manipulated it to be his choice. Later he said, what kind of mother are you to have given me one! He still doesn't realise we were playing a game for him to realise consequences himself and give up by his choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (16 August 2009):
\m/J.D\m/ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanonymous first of all you sound like you have some shall we say experties in your answer, such a shame you wasnt willing to show yourself, so you obviously kno its wrong! secondly, so if its ok for a 13yr old who wants to go off and have sex to do it would it be ok for say a 10yr old because they act mature enough?? sex is not a toy!! its a huge responsibility for a CHILD to take on EMOTIONALLY, if i at age 13 i wanted to go out and snort coke and came looking for advise on here what would you advise me? yes go and do it? if i wanted to steal a car? rob a house? steal from my nan? shoot someone? get real.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Nor do I, and I can now see why you brought up this topic, I think. I've just read a post encouraging an underager to have sex. Some people here aren't responsible in the advice they give, but hopefully the OP can make better judgement of the comments posted on their thread (and I am speaking in general here, not just the topic of underage sex)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): i dont think anyone does encourage them to do so.i dont i merely state it is thier choice,and if they feel ready then its up to them,and should not feel as though they are doing something wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): if teens want sex and they are mature enough to protect themselves etc then no 13,14,15 is not too young.i believe if adults can enjoy sexual stuff then teens should too.i mean who doesnt enjoy an orgasm(other than masturbation)and with another person it feels all the more better.and as for the law well.will they find out if you do it in private?
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (16 August 2009):
\m/J.D\m/ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can fully appricate that regardless of advice given they will do it anyway if they choose to. that is some thing i am very aware of. i however do not and will not ever agree to any agony aunt/uncle on this site to encourage a child to actually go ahead and DO IT..
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I get what you're saying but I don't think there are many people on here that agree with kids of that age having sex.The thing is, when you get a question about sex posted by someone that young, they're going to do what they like no matter how many times people tell them they shouldn't. So i tend to find that most of the advice is aimed at letting them know the importance of contraception and the dangers of STI's. If they're gonna have a sexual relationship regardless then the least you can do is to advise them to be careful, better than leaving them clueless.But like I said, I totally get what you're saying and as a parent myself I wouldn't be happy if my daughter was having sex at such an early age.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): I don't know what adults you are referring to on here, but most registered and responsible people on this site don't encourage underage teens to have sex.
From what I've seen it's usually anonymous posters who are probably teenages themselves that encourage them to have sex.
Personally I think 13, 14 and for most 15 year olds they are too young to be engaging in sex, but it also depends on the cirumstances and how responsible and mature they are.
Of course that doesn't mean I encourage them to, but even after reading our advice, a lot of people will probably go ahead and do what they think is best anyway, even if it usually isn't the right thing to do. All we can do is advise what to do, and it's there for them to take it or leave it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Dear OP
Please realise that most of the advisers here are so called liberal in their outlook in life. They advise perhaps based on their own sexual experience, their own value system and perhaps their own family oientation.
Your statement is generalised.but it has many elements of truth. maybe we should look at the meaning of "child" a 13 year old is a child, a minor legally. are we irresponsible in advising a child to have sex. me, personally, would advise safe sex to anyone, be it a 13 years old or a 90 year old. why? because no matter what we say, we have no other means of assisting the young ones. yes, we may tell them not to have sex but lets be realisitc. they are going to indulge anyway, perhaps they do not have any family or friends to discuss with, they seek the advise or way forward from us here. in the ideal world we shouldn't expect 13 eyars old to be sexually active but with peer pressure, that horrible saying "everyone is doing it, why must i be different" , and jut the way society is moving dysfunctionally, advocating responsible advise is more appropriate than saying don't be sexually active. Yes we do not want these kids to be sleeping with their teachers, with their friends, family members. We know that these kids are being "abused' taken advantage of, but we are POWERLESS to advise any different. no matter of saying don't do it will make any difference. Yes we might say, you are too young, wait for that someone special, but at the same time educating them about safe sex and taking care of themselves is of utmost importance.
I here your concerns, i see the value in you posting your comments. I agree with those concerns. They are mine as well BUT it is a reality that the kids are starting at a much younger age. Hey some of the kids are more sexually experienced than i am and that is scary. I think we are never going to win this battle of the kids being sexually active. Our dysfunctional society/families make it a breeding ground for the young to experiment. Single families is a norm, broken families is a norm, devastating divorces is the norm. Either mother or father abondoning the kid is a reality. Lets not forget the evil PEER PRESSURE. It is sad that kids are all these things.Instead of sweeping it under the carpet, lets get it in the open and lets eliminate unwanted pregancies & health risks. I believe most of the time we are RESPONSIBLE in the manner we give the advise. the suggestions and recommendations given are given keeping in mind all of the challenges facing the kids of today.
Your comments are noted, it is valid. But some are out of our hands. It is going to happen anyway .All we can do is to make the experience less painful, less humiliating, less traumatic. Older men (especially) take advantage of the kids and i think the peopl on this site do a remarkable job warning off the kids. Whether the kid takes the advise is upo to them. My major major red flag are mostly MALE TEACHERS "raping" these girls all in the name of love. We have predators in schools and these girls do not heed any warning. They beleve they know better, they believe that they are in love with their married teachers and there is nothing we can do. The very people hired to protect our kids are "raping" them, grooming them , all in th sick name of love. Now that is atopic we should also discuss.
Food for thought, dear cupid readers. Food for thought. To all the aunts /uncles here, I believe most of the time we give out good solid advise. Lets continue whether we are liberal or not. Its vital the kids have a "voice" and a place to turn to during these challenges they face.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): You are right, kids grow up way to fast in our society. I don't personally feel that 13 year olds are emotionally mature enough for sex. I didn't become sexually active until I was 17. But I also know friends who became sexually active at a much younger age and it doesn't seem to have seriously negatively effected them in a major way. I mean, the paradox here is mother nature is giving humans sexual desires and function anytime between the ages of 12 and 16.I'm not sure which adults you are referring to - most of the posts that I see from 13 year olds considering sex the adults strongly urge them to reconsider or wait. As for illegal, I think it's only illegal for adults to have sex with minors. I don't know that it's illegal for minors to have sex with minors. Also depends on the country/culture you live in. I think teenagers are going to do what they want to do... and it's natural for them to be curious. When they post on these boards it's an opportunity for the adults to share wisdom with them, and hopefully we do our best.
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (16 August 2009):
\m/J.D\m/ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionkarl, i cant send you mail for some reason it wont let me, but i wrote this to get some feedback and reassure myself we are not the only two ppl on the planet who dont agree with underage sex!
...............................
A
female
reader, haley92 +, writes (16 August 2009):
i do think its wrong for children to be having sex but they still do! advise or not they will do what they want. i dont recomend having that kind of responsibility at that age but there are alot of children that do it regardless of what we tell them. outside opinions have little to do with a young person's want and physical need for sex.
...............................
|
