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Is this the end to our marriage? He loves porn more than he loves me

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Pornography, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 May 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

We have been married for two and a half years and the sex life has become boring af. I feel like it’s all about his pleasure. When he wakes up at night his reaction is : babe want to suck my dick? Like I’m some kind of sex slave that enjoys only pleasuring him.

I have made the wrong impression in him and in my ex that I Like giving blow jobs like it’s not a Job at all. Because I believe in giving and receiving But now it’s getting old and I’m tired and he just wants to penetrate me without any foreplay or the foreplay is I give him a blow job

. I have tried talking to him but he gets offended like I am overeacting. This has been since the first year together that the spark is off and of course I’ve seen that my husband uses porn. I even tried watching with him a long time ago and it was fun but he never said to watch together so I guess he prefers to do it behind my back and I feel like that is why our sex is so off.

He just doesn’t put an effort anymore. I confronted and told him a million times that the next I catch him I will consider this cheating. Because he doesn’t make love to me and I feel unsatisfied while he is watching other ladies.

The other time I found out he was on a porn marathon I went on and watched to get back at him (stupid me) and regretted it very much because I got off but the images stayed in my mind and when we engaged in sex I felt disgusting and I didn’t even get horny at all, I faked everything and not even thinking about the porn made me wet. I was dry. He didn’t even care. It was a fail.

Now what? I told him if he keeps having this porn addiction I would cheat on him because I need attention too! And I don’t even feel like he likes me anymore. I want other man who can keep up to me but actually doing it is very scary and I don’t even get horny anymore (I don’t find him sexy at all that’s why I want other man) but We are married and divorce is not an option. I know this is so wrong in so many ways but don’t judge me please

View related questions: blow-job, divorce, engaged, foreplay, horny, my ex, porn, sex life, spark

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2018):

Thanks to all the dear people that answered, your thoughts are appreciated. I don´t know what to do because he lacks a lot of values and he lies a lot. He says that he doesn´t watch porn and even gets mad that I suggest that but I have evidence. I want to keep myself from having sex with him because I´m so easy for him that It takes him nothing to start the action but inmediatly it all relays on me. It´s frustrating and I´ve tried talking slowly, peacefully, quietly. He just gets offended and rolls his eyes like I´m making things up and I feel so Betrayed because he does it over and over again. I am so unhappy right now. It´s like we got married yesterday I want to leave but I love him and I know he will replace me inmediatly and It will hurt like hell. Thanks for everything

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (15 May 2018):

janniepeg agony auntYou both went into marriage when he didn't know how to behave in order to sustain a long term relationship. Maybe he thought all he needed was to ensure he stays hard, no matter what it takes. Porn is the quickest way for a man to get hard but the bad side to it is that he has to depend on it like a drug addiction.

Sex frequency slows down in a marriage and people have to accept that. You should only have sex when natural needs call for it. When you force yourself to adhere to a certain standard, like 3-4 times a week, that's when you get bored and turned off.

If he's the same age as you, he probably has no idea what you mean when you want emotional connection. This is hard in a society with an entitlement mindset. When a person grows up and cares for society and the world such as doing charity, that's when he knows the value of compassion and empathy. If he has none of this and has had no religious introduction as background, maybe that is why he doesn't know how to maintain a relationship.

A young person's mind is still malleable. Divorce is a option, instead of this you need to renew your vows and to rediscover what marriage is really about. It's certainly not just about getting his rocks off.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2018):

I literally could have written this question myself, 2 years married to the blow job stuff, to the never receiving anything, to the porn ruining our sex life. I have only learned that threatening to cheat gets you nowhere. Explaoining calmly how it makes you feel and maybe asking why (without whingeing or nagging) is another way to approach it. If you find out the answer, please let me know!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2018):

Men ( and some women ) unfortunately have no idea of the damage porn can do to relationships

The vast majority of porn treats women extremely disrespectfully , simply as pieces of meat that need to look a certain way and focus solely on the pleasure of men

Womens needs emotions sexuality and true beauty is totally ignored or worse , denegrated in the majority of pirn which is why many sensitive women have such an issue with it

With so much porn out there and society promoting it as somehow healthy to treat women as second class sex slaves many women are seeing the results in behaviour like you are describing

It seems therapy is the best possible hope at this stage of there's hope to save your marriage . Also being married does not mean you are locked in for life to a man who treats you badly . You are still an individual and yoh still have choices . If he refuses therapy one of those choices can still be to leave if that's what you decide . Never feel trapped and ne we let your personal power being taken away . The word 'no ' is your to use and your happiness is ultimately based on your decisions about what you will tolerate . I'm sorry your in this position and I hope this gets better for you

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