A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found my boyfriends phone bill hidden and after looking through it i noticed that just weeks after our baby was born he was constantly texting a number whilst he was at work. The were 41 texts to this number and lasted for 6 days then nothing again.I rang the number and it was a girl, i confronted her and she denyed knowing him saying she bought the phone from somebody she knew... another woman, i told her my situation and she said she would try and find out if this woman had been messing round, i dont know but something just didnt seem right.Looking further through his bill i also found another number which he had been also texting loads whilst at work a few weeks later, all texts stopped when he came home and started when he returned to work, in total this time there were 38 texts in 2 days the bill was a week old. I rang the number and again a girl answered and she too denyed knowing him but she panicked and threw the phone down.I confronted him and he denyed everything, i didnt think he had done anything physical coz he never left my side apart from to go to work (he works alone painter) and i thought things were great we seemed inseperable since the baby, all loved up again. Finally he admitted to the last texts saying she contacted him saying she was given his number by a friend and she really liked him, he says he loved the attention but then got guilty and ended it, that i'll never know as shes changed her number since.I class this as emotional cheating does anyone else? when i thought we were so happy it seems like he was texting others im so hurt i dont know how he gets these numbers. Am i right in thinking this is worse than physically cheating?
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female
reader, neverguesswho  +, writes (18 June 2008):
tricky. guess it depends on the content of the message but either way it's at least in the grey area.
I'm in a simular situation.... I caught him texting his ex-fiance. (The broke up almost 2 yrs before him and I got toghether and although they would 'catch up' once in a while I never felt threatened)
One day she text him while I was there and he acted strange... he said she was needing her locks changed b/c her bf got violent. Okay.... but still I was bothered that she contacted my man for her relationship problem.
I even asked, have the two of you been talking more often... the answer was just these last few days....
Although he said everything to reassure me nothing was going on.... stuff like never worry about her... I would never go down that road again, ect... something wasn't right
Long story short... I uncovered that they had been talking for a few weeks.... more and more often. Mostly texts. The messages didn't convey that anything happened really but I they were more nostalgic as far as feelings go and a little flirtatious.
The thing that hurt me is that I gave him the opportunity to tell me the truth that day when she text him while I was around. He was being honest about the situation but failed to tell me they had been talking more often for a few weeks, blah blah blah AND that it started when they ran into eachother .... he never even told me that he saw her.
Anyways, when I confronted him with all my feelings and what not... he said that nothing happened. He said that he would have told me but I was insecure (which was somewhat true)and he didnt want to worry me.
He told me that when he got that text from her while I was around he made the decision right them to end 5talking to her. He felt it was innocent but he said he could see that it hurt me. He even had her call me and she confirmed everything.
Still I wonder if there were feelings or if it was nostalgia. I wonder if I'm in the dark about anything else. I wonder If I should trust him.... after all anyone can screw up. But then I wonder how.
I hate that I was hurt in this way. It's not black/white or cut and dry.... its grey.
The question is still for me should I get over it... which I do believe I should. It's how.
If you ever need to talk. Message me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Yes, I believe texting can be cheating! My live in boyfriend has been texting a "friend" of mine every time I go out of town on business. It never happens when I am in town, but as soon as I am on the road, the messages start flying. Sometimes as many as 40 a day. And they go on until 1 or 2 in the morning. I know there is nothing physical going on, but it hurts almost as much as if it were physical.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): im also in a similiar situation, except I know the other girl. She used to be a good friend! Both say they are "just friends" and he says there is no attraction but why the secrets? I busted him only texting never calling but I almost feel like thats worst? I feel like its easier to be flirtacious? There was 40 texts in one day! Only a few days though? I dont know what to do because this isn't the first time in our 3 year relationship and its only this one person? He says hes done this time and hes ready to start being honest and serious about moving forward with our relationship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Thanks everyone for your advice, i am the original sender.
It seems like it is just lies after more lies with him so he can cover up the truth.
He is adamant he doesnt know who the first number is (yeah ok 41 texts say you do) and this last girl he claims she text him saying she knew him and was given his number by a friend. I really dont know how he got the numbers as after the baby was born he hardly went out unless it was with me, the only explanation is like egghead says and it has something to do with work as he is self employed and could be sneaking off, that i'll never know.
I've made excuses for him in the past as hes 10 yrs younger and where i want to settle hes only in his early twenties and still wants to act like a carefree single 20 something so i've let him get on with it.
Its been hard walking away as i do love him dearly and have a beautiful baby thats a constant reminder of what we once had but i know the trust has gone and for it to work i'd need to know his every move and not allow him to have a phone, thats no life for either of us.
I'm gutted as i know he never loved me anywhere near as much as i loved him and that hurts but hopefully i'll find someone who gives me and the baby the love and respect we both deserve.
Thanks guys xxx
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A
female
reader, electronica +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Hello there,
Yes, emotional cheating is even harder than physical cheating. When you find out that the person you gave all your feelings to, have shared some of his with another person is devastating.
One alarming sign about what happened with you, is that he lied the first time you asked him, and when he came clean with it, he blamed it on her, which typically means he is not being honest with you . "38" text messages sent by him mean that he got carried away.
Well, believe me, you won't be able to carry on normally with your life, unless he has been honest totally with you. I suggest that you both sit down, and you tell him that you need to know what really happened and that it's essential for your relationship to work out. Then you go from there.
Please update us if you can.
Best of luck,
Electronica
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A
female
reader, superdopah +, writes (27 October 2007):
yes i would count that as a form of cheating, i understand what you mean about worse then physical cheating coz a lot of the time that isnt premeditated where this was.
its horrible for you to think that you were so happy together, that is particularly cruel. i dont want to sound like i am making excuses for him, but do you think maybe after your child was born he began wondering what if he had of stayed single an all the rest of it?
i would say to him unless you know exactly when and where he recieved these numbers you cannot moved on, and im sure thats the truth to. i really do hope everything works out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): hi im 35 and yeah I reckon this is emotional cheating. can't say if its worse than physical cheating but its definitely not the behaviour of someone who is 100% devoted to you. you poor thing, I know it hurts like hell as i found out the other day, 2 months after my boyfriend of 4 years( who I thought was my soulmate)dumped me out of the blue by a text of all things, that he had been registered on myspace since at least feb 2007 as a single guy who was on myspace for dating/serious relationships and who was undecided as to whether he wanted kids in the future. he didnt meet anybody while he was with me but even so it still feels like a betrayal of sorts as there i was, enjoying our great relationship and making future plans whilst being totally unaware he was on myspace pretending to be everything he wasn't! it really hurts and i think you have every right to be very angry. you just had his baby for goodness sake! what he has done to you is not right. wishing you luck whatever happens in your future.
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