A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help me understand what's going on with a older (48) MARRIED man from Church? I used to really like him as a friend/ advisor kind of role to me. Lately I have wondered if he likes me more than he should. When we talk only always rubs my arm and back. When I am talking to someone else I have noticed him staring at me from a distance. Then last week I dyed my hair and he said to me, i didn't think you could get anymore beautiful, you look great." So the last week I took a step back and didn't reply to this E-mails or to Facebook messages through the week. Then I went and sat down with my 4 year old in Church today and he walked in with his wife and left her to come and sit with me and told me he missed me, and I told him I didn't have credit in my phone and said sorry. When, honestly, I wanted to say sorry but your creeping me out a little. I don't usually lie to him but I thought saying I had no credit was kinder than saying that especially if I'm wrong. Am I? Or do people think this man has feelings for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2016): Do not ever reply/answer his messages again. And in church just avoid him. Don't be sorry. He is married and he needs to respect his wife and you need to show him that he is not single and he has not right to flirt with you. He is trying to play smart ass but do not let him. You are a grown woman with a kid so show him that he can play but not with you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 April 2016):
 So even the wife is aware that HE is acting inappropriately? How long do you think it will be till the rest of the congregation knows? And guess who will be the one to get the dirty looks? *hint" it's you.
He isn't BEING a friend to you. He is being predatory and RUDE to his wife. When I say predatory I mean he is "pretending" to be a friend but he is trying to get on your pants.
DEFINITELY cut the contact and like I said, if you need guidance talk to your pastor/priest and the FEMALE members.
I like YouWish's way of telling him that you no longer think it's appropriate to have contact outside the church. BY making him "think" you are only interested in showing respect for his marriage.
If he keep hovering around you go stand with his wife to go talk to her. That way he can't really try and be all suave without looking like an idiot.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 April 2016):
 First thing's first:
DO NOT be his friend. NO! He is not interested in friendship, and you can't have his favors and then claim you only want friendship. He's acting inappropriately in touching you AND contacting you during the week one on one.
Stop communicating with him. No more answering emails and having any communication outside of the public church setting. ONLY at church. Only in public. All the private crap must stop. People can be friends with the opposite sex while being married, but once you know he's emotionally unfaithful to his wife with the appearance compliments and touching, that ALL ends.
If he starts reaching out by email, tell him that he may not have intended to make you feel this way (the "save face" comment) you're feeling like his closeness to you isn't fair to his wife, and that you need to keep a more professional distance physically and electronically. Tell him you owe it to his wife AND you're in church, for crying out loud! If you have to go into Christianese, quote him 1 Thessalonians 5:22 "Abstain from all appearance of evil." Adultery is certainly not acceptable in church in any way.
If he continues, delete him from your Facebook and block him from your phone. Tell his wife. I don't think it'll get that far, but you don't need to feel uncomfortable by this guy's attempts to GROOM you, and that's exactly what's happening with the favors, the compliments, and the touching. If you were his wife, how would you feel about a guy telling another woman he sees every week that he MISSES her? Calling her beautiful, stroking her back? He SHOULD be doing that to his wife, not another woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): At his age he should know better. Hes nearly 50 and old enough to be your dad. Sorry but he IS being a creepy old man. I would ignore him and if he continues threaten to tell someone if he doesn't stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Pardon me, but 48 isn't the same as 60! He's not an elderly man. So his sneaky little gestures aren't just the moves of a frisky old coot!
You can be tactful and politely say: I really like you AND your WIFE. I don't want her to get any idea that I'm being disrespectful of your marriage in any way. I'm sure you wouldn't either. I simply want to follow God's will, and I'm sure you do too! I really would prefer we spoke openly to one another in church, out of due respect for your wife. You know how people talk! Take no offense, but I don't like emails or Facebook messages from married men.
Don't get close enough to touch. It is a common thing for church-folk to be warm and embracing. When it goes beyond that, you handle it for what it is. Inappropriate advances under the guise of fellowship. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing, and he is totally aware of what he's doing.
Stop dilly-dallying around. Pull-away if he touches anything but the palm of your hand for a friendly appropriate handshake. Why do people assume because people go to church they're saintly? You have to call him out, if you want the advances to stop.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Hi it was me who posted this.
His wife used to be really friendly to me but lately I have seen a change in her, she's still pleasant but you can see it is forced and she dislikes me kinda vibe.
When he left her side to come and sit beside me I did look over at her though and she scowled at him but not me. So I think she knows there is no interest romantically from me, but I'm going on one look with that. He didn't move though he just kept chatting away to me.
I want to be his friend as he is a really nice man and has helped me a lot, but it has took a swift change to nnow stroking my back, arm when chatting, compliments then tells me he misses me through the week.
Made me think wow, no too much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2016):
It can be he is just being kind, it can be that he hopes to "catch" your eye. But it really doesn't matter, as he is married and you aren't interested.
Could be that he thinks he is being charming and helpful, and isn't aware that the creepometer hit high.
I think the best thing you can do is distance yourself and avoid situations were you are alone with him. And cut the texting, FB and e-mails. If you still need guidance, help or advice I think you should try talking to one of the women at the church.
And honestly, if he touches you again, just tell him straight out that it makes you uncomfortable. There is no need for him to touch you to give you advice or chat.
How does his wife react around you?
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (17 April 2016):
 Trust me girl!
This guy is trying to get in your knickers
No feelings here x
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