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Is this ok? It’s meant to be a nice gesture!

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Question - (12 January 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2018)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Is this etiquette ok? Or. It acceptable?

In 6 weeks I am going interstate to see a live theater show I enjoy

It has a favorite stage actress of mine in it, in a smaller but important role.

She’s not the star.

I’m female and I admire her work.

She’s a talented actrsess, singer dancer and juggles family life , a small child and work.

I’d like to get her a small (say 3-4 flowers) bunch of flowers with a small note to say congrats!

Is this ok? it’s NOT meant to be sexual or creepy!

Just to say congratulations! And leave at stage door if it’s allowec (I’ll have to call and check)

Is this ok? from a supporter?

Why or why not?

I’m aware she will receive many flowers.

I won’t do it if it’s not appropriate, just want to wish her well, she won’t care.


View related questions: flowers

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 January 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, it's Ok- in fact , it's normal- most of the time performers , of both genders, get flowers from their admirers, it IS a nice gesture and an old, time- honoured tradition, why should it be sexual or creepy ??

Most probably , though, you won't be able to deliver your bunch of flowers in person- but you can check with theater , as you plan do to do, and ask where and when exactly you can bring your flowers for them to have them delivered to the actress right after the performance or before to her dressing room.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think you have asked this question a few times before?

Unless she has a protective order out on YOU to not contact her - I don't see what the big deal is? You want to leave some flowers and a nice card - then CALL the venue (like WiseOwlE suggested) and ask how they handle that.

I think MOST performers are used to receiving flowers and would NOT be offended to receive any after a performance. It's different if you try and hand carry them to her residence/home or have them delivered to her home.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (13 January 2018):

TylerSage agony auntI understand in this day and age many people are becoming more afraid of "approaching" people in fear of offending them in some shape or form.

You can enter a situation with the best of intentions and before you know it end up in a courtroom but you must also understand that some people can do the same things with the worst of intentions so caution of her part must be put into consideration. Nothing about giving flowers is inappropriate, especially in this context.

You're doing this because you want to, you fancy her work, you think she has talent, you go to her shows to support her, you want to see her go far, you wonder how she does it all, maybe she reminds you of someone, she inspires, you may even want to be her friend're a fan, and that's completely fine, normal even.

As @wiseowl said check with the venue to see what options they have in regards to providing gifts to the staff. In the meantime why not write her a letter to let her know how in awe you are of her work. You never know, she might think she's a horrible actress who will never make it anywhere and isn't noticed by a soul. For all you know she could be on the verge of quitting show-business.

Remember to do this because you want to, not because you're hoping to get something back in return.

Whenever you get the urge to do good in the world, do it, because it can help in ways greater that you can imagine.

All the best.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 January 2018):

Check with the venue where she'll be performing. Sometimes there is a an after-show mingle to meet the actors; and sometimes there are rules for security reason.

It's not inappropriate. Just check with the office at the theater; and they might arrange to get the note and flowers to the performer.

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