A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been living with an ex girlfriend of mine for 4 years. We are both lonely, and don't have families or friends. I sometimes think is this my life now, we are both nearly 60 years old and are going nowhere. I know I am not as happy as I used to be. I used to work but can't because I have a lung disease. Only 20 years ago my life was completely different. I was working, had a car and went out in the evenings to parties etc. We both have no social life and I know it would be a big gamble to leave her and change my life as she is my only friend and companion. Please can you advise me how to improve my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies, much appreciated and helpful.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 January 2018):
 As the saying goes, the show isn't over until the fat lady sings ....here is my later years story, I was aged early 50s my life was quite crap, health issues, money issues, social issues, family issues ... I was in effect just getting through each day and I thought that was how it was going to be until the day I died.
At my mother's insistence I applied for a job in my home town, despite being very qualified for the position (it dealt with finances etc) I didn't get it, somebody who drove a school bus and made hamburgers did. BUT, another job was advertised same town, same entity, I applied, I wasn't comfortable throughout the process, based on the previous application and also not sure I matched the selection criteria. I got the job, on a three year contract. I packed up the cat and the dog and the furniture and said goodbye to my unexciting but very safe life and travelled 400kms out into a remote rural area.
The position and department I was now in charge of had been permitted to run down ... providing a minimum of services and there were concerns the dept would close.
I picked it up and ran with it, learning much of it on the job. It included providing a variety of community based services. Having no previous experience in that sort of thing some of what I did had a degree of wackiness about it, which wasn't deliberate and sometimes I didn't realise it was wacky until somebody commented. It got to the point people were waiting for the next big fun - party thing to come up. Every crappy job, every unhappy workplace prior, all my previous work history was able to be applied in the new position. Experience with a variety of government and commercial enterprises meant my range of knowledge was extensive .... I had the best job in town, not the best paid mind, but certainly the most satisfying.
I was there for 10 years, at my third annual review I enquired if my contract would be extended, the boss said you're not on contract, I said I was so he checked his computer and when he realised I was correct he deleted the contract clause from the job description, I was now a bona fide full time permanent employee, with all the benefits that entails.
The job got a bit stale, I was burnt out, management changed, my mother died, I quit, and moved 700kms south to where one of the kids lives, with his family. Still not old enough for the OAP I had to do something, the past 10 years have shown I am capable of thinking out the box and getting on with it. I'm establishing a small business, I hope it works, for at least the next 18 months
You may be thinking what's all that got to do with me, I was where you are .... part time job, no money, no social life, health issues (minor but still affecting me), I could still be there if I hadn't taken a chance, if I hadn't been game enough to give up my secure government housing, it was a very scary decision, believe me, and after the furniture went and I handed in my keys I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid and sat and cried for about an hour before I could get on the road.
Take heart. Start looking at what may be available, get used to getting out of the house if finding work is not an option at this stage, volunteer, at the hospital, and the school helping kids learn to read, at the youth centre. Join low cost groups, see what your library is offering or your seniors centre ... if you don't know what to try or none of it rings your bell then make a pact with your self that you will give each activity 4 weeks trial without complaint. Your life isn't over, its there, waiting for you to live it.
Go on, get out, go get it ... its yours and yours only so use it!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 January 2018):
 Man, I feel for you. I too have a chronic condition that makes me fear that I have been cut down from the person I used to be in some areas, even though I know intellectually that this is not the case.
You are looking backwards at yourself as a young man, and living with someone or not living with someone will make no difference in that. That is only from within you that you can decide how you feel about yourself.
Your ex is your roommate now. That will hinder you if you are seeking other companionship, but otherwise, people are social creatures. She understands you, and the fact that she's still living with you means that she accepts you even if you don't or can't accept yourself.
You need to look to your future possibilities. You're in your 50's. You're NOT dead. I had a friend get her law degree in her 70's! She wanted it. She pursued it. She didn't waste time by wasting time, and she believed in herself.
You may not be as physical as you were, but that doesn't mean your mind is weaker. Innovation starts in the mind, not the body. Oftentimes, people's greatest ideas stem from their weaknesses. Christopher Reeve's paralysis ended up working wonders for stem cell research. Many hair replacement business owners were clients. The founder of Netflix tells the story about how he was pissed off at the massive Blockbuster late fees. (that's not exactly true, but his story hit a chord). Howard Hughes was severely injured in an aviation accident, and he created a new design for a hospital bed that is still in use to this day! It was Paul Winchell, the ventriloquist/voice of Tigger and a lot of other voices who created the artificial heart along with Henry Heimlich (who himself created a special Maneuver we all know about).
You DO NOT GIVE UP. Life is worth living until you draw your LAST breath. That song by John Cougar Mellencamp called Jack and Diane is bullshit to the max. It was fun being a teenager, but being an adult takes guts and can be even more rewarding.
Make your decisions regarding your living situations, and if you're feeling depressed, see a doctor and find out if it might be clinical/medication related. But do not give up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2018): I think WiseOwlE has given you some excellent advice.
I'd only add that I don't agree that people only end up alone when they haven't given of themselves; it is possible to keep giving and giving all one's life and receive little or nothing in return and only be used by people - repeated exploitation by others can cause one to withdraw and freeze, not knowing how to proceed, and can even begin in one's original family. It is also possible for whole families to 'disappear' if an original family was small to begin with and then the members all die off. If either of these are true in your case, seek counselling and / or educate yourself through online articles about this and maybe other things that might have caused you to become isolated and co-dependent on an ex partner.
Also - remember there will be plenty of other people in situations that are similar to yours - maybe search for online forums and communities to join, besides following any of WiseOwlE's advice that may apply. You've already reached out to people on this forum, and you can reach out to others - people will value you, you just have to find ways to make contact. Don't devalue what you have with the ex-partner. Yes, you both need to make new friends and contacts but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to completely reject one another in the process.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2018): People with time on their hands and empty-schedules should do volunteer-work to help those in need.
Friends may abandon you and family may scatter to the winds; so you have to change who you are from within. You only get that lonely and isolated; when you haven't given of yourself, or shown kindness to others.
People try to live like hermits, ignoring their neighbors, they alienate their children, sour their marriages, and turn family against them. Through stubbornness, cruelty, bigotry, and closed-mindedness. We have to always forgive, bearing in-mind; we're going to get old someday. We need people!
Is your question about your relationship or loneliness? Why do you live with an ex-girlfriend? Are you financially-dependent on her? Did every single member of your family die-off?
Unless you are home-bound and unable to leave the house; I guess you have to get out into world.
Seek some counseling and assistance from organizations for the disabled. They sometimes may provide group-homes, visiting-companions, and social support-groups for lonely isolated people. Take up hobbies that you can earn money on the side. You can sell things at swap meets and fairs.
You're aging now, so physical-activities are limited by your disease.
All this may mean you have to swallow your pride, mend fences, rebuild burnt bridges, and try to reconnect with people you've left behind; or those who have lost touch.
No sir, very few people are left as the sole-survivor of their clan. You need to pick up that phone, search the internet, and find those you once knew and make amends. Rekindle old friendships, and make up with those with whom you owe long overdue apologies. Life has a way of catching-up with us, and forcing us to do right by others.
If you ever had a spiritual-faith, revisit it. Worship is often left behind or discarded. There are good people out there; who will see your loneliness and despair. They will embrace you and accept you; if you simply spend some time and open your heart. What have you got to lose?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 January 2018):
 Why are you living together if you're not in a relationship?
What are your hobbies and interests? Do they have local clubs you can join? Are there any pubs or similar local that you can visit to get out the house? Have you tried online dating?
You need to put yourself out there to reclaim your life back, you need to change things and put yourself out of your comfort zone. The world won't stop spinning whilst you're feeling down, so get out there and stop the slump.
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