A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I met my husband I fell madly in love with him, I was still a Virgin he was my first love. Life was good.....two years later I realized my husband LOVES attention from females, we fought and fought about it so he called me names.....I'm jealous and insecure and I need to grow up. He was having an emotional affair with one in particular I told him he's cheating on me emotionally but he said that there is no such thing as emotional cheating or emotional affair. He called me crazy and I'm reading something that someone made up for attention. This all started after he created his Facebook page he start to spend more time chatting with them than with me and our 3 kids. He gave them his email and phone number....they Skype a lot.....I explained to him how I feel. He immediately defended these women and himself. When I met my husband I had 2 very close male friends that he absolutely didn't like. We used to argue a lot about them and to save my relationship I cut them off from my life. Because my husband and kids come first.Yet my husband is doing the opposite of what I did and it's making me angry. There are no boundaries between him and these women they would call very late 11pm to 3am to talk and he will always answer. One of them text him around 10:45pm he went outside to call her. She wants to talk so I answer it back "this is is wife, I'm trying to sleep he will call you tomorrow" This girl called him 40 minutes later and told my husband I'm rude and jealous of her. We got into a argument over it cause he did not defend me instead he just laughed it out. My love for him slowly start to fade over this, he was deployed to Afghanistan when I gave birth to our 4th baby when logged in to an email we share (email for our bills) I saw he's been emailing with these women instead of calling me and the kids. I saw he got time to Skype with this girl.He emotionally cheated on me with and that was the last straw for me. When I saw that I called a lawyer file for divorce and have the papers mailed to him I wanted it done before he got out.My love for him now has completely gone and I'm tired of being second to these women. He called me 2 days later and I told him I don't love him anymore I want a divorce he was so shocked begging me to think about the kids, he was so devastated that they let him come home 3 months early. He's a completely different person now he cut all his female friends....delete his Facebook, changed his emails and number. I suffer from anxiety over the stress he puts me through in the past and I have panic attacks. I used to love this man with all of my heart but now I'm sick to my stomach when I see him, we went to a marriage counselor he admitted he take me for granted since we were married and I'm trapped with him since we have kids together, he never thought I have it in me to divorce him. He's making me seek help with him but I don't want to stay married anymore, our family members advised me to work it out for the kids and now I'm taking medication for my anxiety to help me try to love him again. I need some advise if this marriage is worth saving. we were together to 11 years but been married for 8 years.
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affair, cheated on me, divorce, facebook, insecure, jealous, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2016):
 It is clear you do not want to be with him any more, and who would blame you after the way that he has treated you, he is only making an effort now because he sees you actually would divorce him, it seems he feels that you where a door mat that was not going any where, you proved him wrong.
Sweetie I can understand where your family is coming from, and him as well. But you need to look after yourself, and your children, the children do not need you both to be together, they just need you to be happy and healthy and to put them first. If you stay with him you will be unhappy and children can pick up on this, so be brave and leave him.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 August 2016):
 I may sound like an asshole here, but that man absolutely does NOT deserve you. People like to say "stay together for the kids," but let me tell you, as someone who's parents were miserable, that staying together for my brother and me was not in our best interest.
He completely steam rolled over you for years and didn't care to be a good husband. He cheated, regardless of what he says, and he laughed it off with these women at your expense. Give him what he deserves. A nice, fat divorce. Let it be a lesson to him to not take people for granted.
Good for you, and I say leave him. You've been through enough already.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 August 2016):
 I think you have EVERY right to not want to stay married to him.
Take the advantage of being married to a military personnel and contact MilitaryOneSource.mil and find yourself a GOOD counselor, NOT to fix the marriage but to give you tool to deal with being a single mom of 4 soon.
And also decide WHERE you want to live with your kids, I would suggest somewhere near family and good friends so you HAVE a social and safety net to help with the kids. And... find work. No matter his rank you will NOT get enough child support to take care of yourself and 4 kids on that, nor should you.
Time for you to make plans to be INDEPENDENT.
I can see why family is telling you to work on it. They hope that it will "spare" you having to deal with a divorce and being a single mom.
Anxiety meds are not going to "make" you love him again.
Make a plan to exit the marriage IF that is what you want.
Go talk to the Chaplain and call Family Advocacy and find a therapist through MilitaryOneSource.mil
He can't MAKE you stay married to him. And it might just BE too late to fix things. Only YOU can decide that.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 August 2016):
 You don't want to stay married, already you have your answer. Is any amount of knee jerk grovelling from him going to change for the long run, hardly I don't think. His 'epiphany' is not bought about by your suffering more about his sorry arse being kicked rightfully to the curb. From what you post I cant help but think he will do and say all that he needs to keep you from leaving. Staying, after he has treated you with such distain, reiterates his belief that you just don't have it in you. Thats when old behaviours may flare up again. How dare he suggest you need to be thinking about your kids. Is he so arrogant to think that his behaviour would not evidently end up hurting them? That is just him emotionally blackmailing you. Im no therapist or doctor but i don't believe there is any pill to make you want to love him and why should you mask what your mind, heart and soul is telling you. If you are over it and him, then so be it. Parenting is separate from marriage problems so there is no reason for you to feel obligated to a life of misery for the sake of the kids. As for family, let them live their life to the beat of their own drum and you do whats right for YOU. Stay strong and true to yourself. All the best
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A
female
reader, Denada846 +, writes (21 August 2016):
Unfortunately this man - your husband - the man you think you love is trying to take advantage of you and YOUR EMOTIONS - first of all you have this man way too many chances - I was in a relationship with a man like this for 6 years and there comes a time when enough is enough and it's not even about love or emotions at that point- when u reach this point u will see the river has dried up and you can see what's at the bottom which is sadly nothing- it will be hard and leaving with be the toughest thing you will face - BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel- one with love - peace and balance - I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2016): Hi So sorry you have been through this. His mind set is what worries me. He thought that you were trapped because you'd married him and so he could behave how he liked????What a ??@@@!!...I'm so glad you proved him wrong, that you have got it in you to divorce him and now the shoe's on the other foot. I'm not normally revengeful, but the fact that he didn't care what he put you through and didn't care how upset and hurt his behaviour was making you, must make you think that he doesn't really care for you at all. It would make me feel that way. Why on earth would he think that you wouldn't have it in you to divorce him? Arrogant so and so.If I was you I really couldn't feel anything other than contempt for this man and the fact that you're now having to take medication for anxiety just shows what negative effects knowing him has had on your life. Your children I believe would be better off if you were happy and I can't conceive you being happy with someone who has shown that he holds you in no regard whatsoever. Not until you're going to divorce him anyway. But a decent person doesn't have to have the threat of divorce hanging over them to make them behave with a modicum of decency. The only way I would stay with him if I was you, was if I could conceive a way to make him as unhappy as he has made you. This story has me feeling so angry. I can't believe he actually said basically that he thought he could treat you like shit cos you were stuck with him!!!As you say that you are no longer in love with him and who can blame you, then it's a foregone conclusion in my mind. Get rid of him and your revenge is being happy without him. And you will be once you are rid of him. And when you tell him to get stuffed, can I come and watch and cheer you on from the sidelines?I think your feelings are perfectly normal given how he has treated you and that you have every justification in divorcing him and claiming back your happiness.Go girl :-) good luck to you and I'm with you all the way xx
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