A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wanted to message in as its been so long since I have dated or looked into starting a new relationship that im just so unsure if things im not feeling so happy about, could be in fact be me with my ways and that I will have to look at changing.I have not had much look relationship wise going from cheaters to wanting to transition to a women, to my last relationship of an alcoholic. These were all long term relationships as I stuck at them hopeing to try and make each of them work. but realised it was the impossible in the end.Ive registered with internet dating, met someone about 6 times now, the living distance between the two of us is about an hours driving. first 2 times he drove to me and we met during a day time to walk my dog and a drink. The 3rd time I invited him round. was having a great night, then as it was getting late and I was working the next day, I said I need to get ready for bed, and he asked where he was sleeping, so he presumed he was staying. I wasn't happy at all, he knew this, I made it clear I was less than happy, but he said he couldn't drive as would be over the limit, so I had no choice but to let him stay. he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again and he is happy to take things slowly. He then invited me over to his, when I arrived I told him I was only staying about 3 hours as needed to get back, it was very clear he wasn't happy and he seemed quite mardy. when it was getting towards the end of the evening he said, I know you have to drop your friends birthday present off so im thinking, how about I drive you home and then bring you back here, and you stay over. He had to be at work for 5am in the morning and also me for 9, so I said well that's crazy, but also, he already knew I wasn't comfortable with it from before so why would he even suggest this again. So of course I left he apologised for seeming moody and said he was hopeing that he was going to get to spend more time with me hence he seemed a bit mardy. So that was that, we have now arranged another meet for tomorrow night, he said how about Thursday I come to you and then Friday you to me as he is off work now the rest of the week. I said well to be honest I would quite like to go out maybe a meal or something. he said okay, then asked is he coming over to mine and staying. I said well I was thinking as I have work the next day I cant have a late one so was thinking, we could maybe meet some where half way for a meal. He replied and said, don't worry then we can arrange another time as he wanted to have a drink, then said he thinks driving half way is silly. So I said, oh I see so basically options are then you don't want to go for a meal, unless either you stay at mine so you can drink, or I drive over to your end? I said well you must really love your beer. He then changed his tune and said, okay lets meet half way then. Im thinking to myself are there signs here of something not good, or is it me, should I be thinking yeah come and stay over, no problem. Not sure if its me or not. Or am I wasting my time, he he gonna be pushing all the time ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): Maybe it's me, but I see nothing but inconvenience due to driving-distance. I also see a lot of moodiness and complaining.
If it's such an inconvenient and you're both so annoyed, why carry on?
People who truly like each other and have made any sort of romantic-connection, would not be making such a fuss.
He's an adult, a man, and he's human. Why wouldn't he want sex, if he finds you attractive? That doesn't mean he's going to get it.
All I gather from this post is bickering about who drives the distance; and no one has time, because they have to work.
What about weekends, and meeting for a date someplace in the middle? Taking turns, and using your own vehicles?
If you can't compromise, you're incompatible and neither up for a long-distance relationship. You don't even seem to like each other.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 December 2016):
 Is this how it HAS to be?
Well, no. I don't think so. I think he genuinely WANTS to spend time with you but doesn't seem to comprehend that YOU are not quite comfortable with "at home dates" yet. Which I think is OK. Personally, I see someone you have only met a handful of times and talked to a little on the Internet IS still a stranger.
And for him to want to spend the night so he can drink? WTF? He has to be toasted to spend time with you? I DO think that was an excuse for NOT having to drive home, but... it can also be a red flag that he LIKES his drink. Acting moody when you don't want to do what HE wants to do is a RED flag for me. It screams manipulation and controlling behavior at me.
It seems to me like you are unsure if you want to continue or not. And I think you need to figure that out fast.
I think it's PERFECTLY reasonable that you two have quite a few dates in PUBLIC and meeting halfway is a good idea. Just like going 50/50 would be.
Maybe he is not really a good match for you?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 December 2016):
 He definitely seems keen on sex and is pushing for it while you are very rigid about boundaries and rightly so. It's way too early to be sleeping over and sleeping together.
If he genuinely likes you then he'll respect your boundaries and will never ever push you for physical intimacy until you're ready for it yourself. If he continues to badger you then you know what he's after and you can wish him goodbye.
Your approach towards this entire thing is absolutely right. By standing firm on your beliefs and not giving in to him, you can get to see the real him and where things stand.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 December 2016):
 He wants sex and you're not ready yet. I think you need to talk about that now, so you know if you're on the same page or need a new date.
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