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Is this girl just playing games, and a liar?

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *toopid1975 writes:

This is a bit of a story, but please bear with me. I guess i probably know the answer anyway, but typing it out might be theraputic in itself. 4 weeeks ago I started chatting to a girl online, she approached me first. We chatted and really hit it off. Next thing is we were spending hours each day on the phone. I tried to be honest about my past, I have been cheated on in the past and find it hard to trust now. She told me about her past, she had been in a controling relationship where her partner at the time had refused to allow her to see her male friends, even though she claimed they were only friends and that was it.

So anyway I told her I would trust her. As the next couple weeks passes we got closer and she decided to travel to see me, she is in London I am in Aberdeen, and so the adventure was arranged and it was all fresh and exciting. She also told me she was falling for me, and I must admit I thought the same, but we agreed to try not to get too carried away, I told her I was only interested in her, she said the same, and she would never hurt me in any way. Then last week, 7 days before her visit she sent me a text telling me she had sex with one of her male friends that day, she was devastated, hated her self and wouldnt blame me if I never spoke to her again. I was very upset, and told her I needed time to think about things.

Then the phone calls and texts started telling me how much she loves me, needs me, misses me, and of course the crying, she would never hurt me a second time. Then her story started to change a bit, it happened because she never realised I had feelings for her, we were nothing to each other really, the sex was meaningless and over in no time, they never even kissed, and worst of all she said, and I think this is a pretty accurate quote 'it was practically rape because he just stuck it in and it was over in seconds'. She said I should just take her word that nothing like that would happen again. I told her maybe she should get some help because she seems willing to mess around on people she cares about (she had told me previously that she had sex with her best friend who is also the boyfriend of her sister), and maybe she has issues.

That conversation was thursday evening on Friday I recieved a text telling me that she had been to see a councellor and spent 2 hours talking about her life, I wish this to be true because that might lend me some hope, but I don't even think it is possible to get to see a therapist that quickly. There are more things I think might be lies, but then I am also concerned that my previous relationships may have made me suspicious and paranoid and I really wouldn't like to lose someone special just for a silly mistake which I could forgive, mostly though I think she is a bit of a compulsive liar and I will only end up even more hurt unless I sever all ties now.

View related questions: best friend, her past, liar, text

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntYou've never even met this woman and only known her a month, and she is already bringing all this drama? Drop her. Drop her like a hot rock!

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A female reader, meshelle88 United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

meshelle88 agony auntWHY continue this? The more you allow the more she will hurt you. Her stories don't seem to add up, and well, it's evident that she has some major self-esteem issues. For someone who has nvr even met the woman iñ person, you sure have been blinded by emotions. Stop this torture now. I understand you have "caught feelings" and honestly...I don't know why, but she is a basketcase!! Assuming you are a good gúy, scorned, but good, assuming you live on your own, have a means of transportation, and a decent education and job, I ask you this....WHY would you subject yourself to this drama, this high school mess? Do you not believe you are worthy of a good WOMAN? (fyi please refrain from throwing all of your cards on the table so soon, wearing your heart on your sleeve and and tell all conversations of how you've ben decieved is exactly what these kinds of women prey on) GOOD luck.

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A male reader, stoopid1975 United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2010):

stoopid1975 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks anonymous0100, excellent reply. It's what I knew already inside, I just needed someone else to say it I suppose. It was good to get a womans perspective. Thank you again.

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A female reader, anonymous0100 Canada +, writes (31 July 2010):

I dont know if u knew this, but long distance relationship dont last too long... and cheating is not a silly mistake. based on wht u wrote about this girl.. the girl is immature and she doesnt know wht she wants. "she is playing a game"

Before considering to involve your self in a serious relationship you need to know that one of you will have to move to Aberdeen or London... long-distance relationship is something that looks good from far but not near.

many of my friends who are international university student had a long distance relationship with girls and guys back home, and not one of them is considering to have a future with their prior partners

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