A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was talking online with a man and we were talking about sex. He described something that reminded me how my husband does things. My husband and I were fighting at the time and I hadn't got off for over a month. Is it cheating that I masterbated after reading what he said? I can't get there without thinking of my husband, so I thought of him doing things he has done plenty of times before. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Cheating: Gaining an unfair advantage through force or deception.That definition holds true, even in marriage. Ask yourself this, how would you feel if your husband walked in, saw the conversation, saw what you were doing to yourself, and reacted how you know he would react?If he honestly wouldn't care, or just shrug it off as othing but a spot of fun, then you're good. If there's negative emotion involved, on either part, then you're cheating.Have you told him what happened? If not, why not? A lie of omission is still a lie. You can't pretend it's insignificant to you, because if it were, you wouldn't be here asking! Thus, you has a significant sexual experience, involving another man, and can't tell your husband? Sounds like cheating to me!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I don't think so, but it depends. Was he saying things on purpose to turn you on, or were you talking about sex like two girlfriends would? I really don't think its cheating. To me, cheating has to be actual contact.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Hun. YOU know it is cheating. you knowingly and deliberately engaged in sexual banter with the purpose of stimulating yourself ..........
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2011):
 well talking to another person about sex without the express knowledge and permission of your partner would be a bit iffy in my book. I believe that cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner...
that being said masturbating alone while thinking of your partner after being aroused by someone else is not cheating.... not in my book... after all I tell my bf that I don't care WHERE he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): turn the question around and ask the same to yourself if it was your husband. dont tell yourself it would not bother you if it would. take it as your answer because answers may vary. probably the ones who say it isnt cheating are the ones who secretly do it.
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A
male
reader, Ashley0112358 +, writes (30 August 2011):
 If my girlfriend did that to me i wouldn't consider it cheating,i would however find it hurtful.
Try thinking about it if the shoe was on the other foot, by that i mean what if your husband had did it?
In my honest opinion and as a boyfriend in a 6 year relationship (so far) i think it is best you just forget about it, it wont hurt him if he doesnt know, and on top of it all, it was him your were thinking of.
It wont stop it from hurting him any less, but it most certainly shows you care about him.
Try not to worry, many guys do the same thing when watching pornography, they see the other women but only ever imagine doing it with their significant others.
If you want more of an answer feel free to ask
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): I believe it is cheating to talk to someone one else about sex in such a way, yes. To go into detail about sex with someone is betrayal. At least you thought of your husband, but I don't think you should talk to this person any more about sex.
I know my husband would be really angry at me if I did something like that, he would probably leave me over it. And if he did something like that I would be heart broken and lose all my trust in him.
The difference between this and a spicey romance novel or porn is that you were engaging in an actual conversation with an actual person, instead of just observing passively.
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