A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well I need some advice about my boyfriend and my sisterWe have all recently started college and are attending the same university, me and my sister will be rooming together and my boyfriend will be living in the same building but a few floors below us.I thought this experience would be magical but so far its been a disaster. I want to be able to spend time with my sister and my boyfriend but im having trouble finding that balance.She wants sister time, he wants alone time and when i spend time with him i can't be in my room for more than a couple hours because of my sister. I dont like going to his room because he has a roommate, and theres no where we can go and be comfortable together. I hate having to divide my time because sometimes i just want to be at home chilling with my boyfriend or both of them and i cant do that. Somedays i like to lounge around in PJs and thats not possible because I cant enjoy my dorm room. I understand i have to respect my sisters wishes because its her room, but its my room too. How can i find a balance that allows all three of us to be happy. cause if hes happy shes not..if shes happy hes not..and if theyre both happy im not. PLease help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014): The truth is, your problem would be the same no matter who your roommate is. You could have just as easily been paired up with a needy roommate who demanded your time.
It's really not complicated at all. Tell your sister you wish to spend time alone with your boyfriend. Give her a few bucks to go to a movie; or you and your boyfriend can find cozy places to spend time together like a quiet restaurant; or a nice comfy dark theater. You didn't just come right out and say you needed a place to make-out and have sex. In that case, you'll just have to make arrangements with your sister. Stop coddling and being her babysitter. She has to have her own social-life.
What if you both attended separate colleges? How would she handle that? Your sister is not a little girl. She is a college-student, and does not have to take up more of your time than you can share between two people. You have to push her a little to be more independent. Shes clinging to you and putting pressure on you to compensate for a lack of activities and a circle of friends to fill her spare time.
She doesn't have to have a boyfriend to have things to do,
and you don't have to make a big deal out of not being around to babysit your sister. You're making it much more of a big deal than it really is. She knows you have studies, a social-life, and a boyfriend. That should inspire her to make the college-experience equally as busy and exiting as it is for her sis.
Push her from the nest and let her fly solo, she'll learn to fly on her own. You live in the same dorm room for crying out loud! You both need room to breath! She's being clingy and dependent; because you're encouraging the behavior by letting her milk guilt out of you.
Put up a big calender. Schedule-out family-time and guy-time. Make an agreement when either of you want the room to yourself. That's the same way you would have to compromise with any other roommate. Stick to it. You'll both will soon become too busy living separate lives; until the calendar will be used only to schedule your personal activities. You'll always run into each other at the end of the day. You'll be sisters for the rest of your lives.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (1 September 2014):
 Your final statement made me chuckle:)) But in all seriousness, I think you and your bf may just have to tough it out this year until either one of you gets a single dorm room or rent a place off campus where you will have more privacy. Back in my day at university, a bunch of us would rent a house, making it really affordable (it was much cheaper than on campus housing), and we each got our own room. Sometimes there would be 5 or more people living under one roof. Wow! Brings back fond memories for me:) We had the best house parties!
To help you guys coexist right now, I would suggest that you work out a schedule with your sister and your bf works out a schedule with his dorm mate, and the times when he has the place to himself, you go to his place and vice versa. For all you know, your sister probably wants some alone time herself. Also, encourage your sister to make new friends and be more independent, so that her life won't be so wrapped up in yours. And for the times when neither of your dorm rooms work, then you can probably arrange with a college mate who has a single dorm room, to use their room for what I call romantic emergencies. For eg, if I was going home for the weekend, I used to let my friend stay in my room with her bf. The only thing I requested was that she launder the sheets for me.
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