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male
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Michael Bambrough
writes: Ok, ive been goin out with my girlfriend for about 7 months now and we both love each other. Before she met me she used to go out each weekend and get pissed and smoke weed and end up doing stupid things that she regrets or I hope she regrets. She has had sex with most likely over 10 people and shes not even 18 yet. I dont like that she has done this and theres no way i can change it. She never says anything about them but I still get jealous and annoyed that she has done this. She has had 2 boyfriends, they have both dumped her, i dont know if this could be her reason for her older ways. I know if it was the other way round she would get jealous. And if she knew how i felt she would most likely under stand. I cant talk to her about it can I ? she can tell something is bothering me but i dont think i can tell her. Is there anyway I can stop getting worked up about how she used to be and stop thinking about her previous incidents ? thankyou.
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male
reader, martini  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 Why can't u talk to her about it? Fear of being petty? Fear of being shameful of bringing up her past, and showing your insecurities? Come now, don't be afraid. Just open your mouth and talk about it.
As for trying to stop thinking about her past, you can't. If you are so bothered with her past, this will continue until you grow out of it. Sure, you can try to concentrate on your relationship with her, think about what you and her can do to improve the relationship, possibly think about a possible future with her, etc, but at the moment, you're stuck. Why? Cuz you just don't want to let go of her past. It's like picking at your swollen gums - it hurts, but for some uncanny reason, you continue to poke it. It gives you this stupid tingly feeling that you just can't stop.
In reality, as you already know, that is her past. HER PAST. It has NOTHING to do with you. What you have now is NOW, and not yesteryear. Yesteryear happened at a time when you weren't even remotely close to being around. Hell, I bet the soil you're standing on right now was a place of massive battles two thousand years ago with lots of bloodshed and pain and torment. Should you be affected by that? No, cuz it has nothing to do with you.
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