A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a temporary job which will last for 6 months to a year (depending on my progress) in a certain city. It's an OK city, but I am moving somewhere else (on the other side of the country) after I finish and can afford to live somewhere a bit better.I'm going to make friends while I am there, of course, but is there any point dating/joining singles groups too? I am 21 and have never had a boyfriend so I feel it's about time, but seeing as I'm moving away at some point I don't really want to do the long term thing if I meet someone and it works out.Thanks :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): You are 21 and you have a good head on your shoulders. You have a plan and you realize that if you get deeply involved with a guy, that there could be a lot of pain for you and for him when you move. At age 21 you obviously don’t know everything and are asking for advice - a good thing to do. Sometimes it helps to stand back and clarify the situation – to test the validity of your assumptions and to make sure that you really are asking the right questions. Author Sam Keen says: “There are two questions a man (or a woman) must ask himself: The first is 'Where am I going?' and the second is 'Who will go with me?' If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”Consider the first question. You say you’re going to move to a better city. But that’s really not what he means. He means what do you want to do or accomplish with your life; so if you contemplate that question, the answer may mean you will want to live in a different city from what you first thought.Consider the second question. Now we’re getting into the world of relationships. Author Ned Diamond says there are seven steps in the development of healthy relationships – acquaintanceship, companionship, friendship, intimate friendship, sensual friendship, sexual/spiritual lovers, and life partners. Each step leads to increasing intimacy and the steps should be taken in the order given. So taking his advice, there would be nothing wrong with moving through the steps with a fellow until it became clear that his life goals are not compatible with yours, which would likely occur by the friendship stage, and therefore you would not go to the next step. What if you say, “Screw all this, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I just want to have some fun with a guy for heaven sake?” Most everyone would reply, “Okay, for sure, go have fun.” But more than a few people would add, “There is no such thing as casual sex.” If you do not believe me, just type “There is no such thing as casual sex” into your search browser. I believe they are correct. You should take the time to read some of what they are saying.But heck you’re a big girl now, you could stick your neck out once in a while knowing full well you might get hurt a little, but you’ll get over it. Sometimes it takes real experience to learn. However you should be upfront with whomever you’re fooling around with.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 August 2015):
 Life doesn't always go as planned. YOU could for instance meet a guy who CAME from the place you want to go... that he will be going there at some point too.
The world is not really such a big place at times. I met my husband on a vacation. He is from the US I'm from Europe. We have made it work for 19 years.
If you worry about meeting someone and then having to leave them, then why not just date? NO serious relationships, no sex just date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): Dating is for the pleasure of companionship, for the enjoyment of sharing activities and values, and one-on-one interaction focused on someone special to you. We exercise our romantic muscles; learn to share, expand, and stretch our emotions. There is no guarantee you will fall in-love; unless that is part of your destiny. Avoid sweet-talkers, players, and irresponsible types. Don't let your heart do the thinking, listen to your logical mind. Then let the heart follow. It's tough to do, but you're at the best age to practice. You can't intellectualize emotions; but you can discipline and keep them in check. For your protection.
Before I became committed to one person, I enjoyed going out to dinner, attending plays, concerts, and events with nice guys who simply asked me out. Maybe, I asked them out. They/we just wanted good company. They wanted to get to know me. That didn't necessarily mean I was required to continue dating them. It kept my life fulfilled, warded off loneliness, refreshed/improved my interactive skills, I made some new friends, and I got to enjoy myself in the company of some very nice people. I even made connections on a professional-level. I knew from the beginning whether I was ready or not for anything serious. So I made that clear to them from the very start. You don't know how you feel about any one, until you've shared a significant amount of time with them. Not through smart devices or on the phone. IN-PERSON!!! What you see at the beginning, isn't necessarily what you get at the end.
One caveat. People in-love with being in-love fall every ten minutes. The minute they see someone they like, boom!!! That is foolish and irrational. "Desperate" for lack of a better word. "Stupid" doesn't hurt either. I shoot from the hip. I don't mince words! It's silly going about calling people "soulmates" (I hate that term!) and planning a lifetime based on a fleeting moment of good conversation, and sexual-attraction. That's ludicrous. Fortunately; there are aunts and uncles here giving them the benefit of our experience and advice. Based on our own track record, education, failures, and successes. Hoping to help you avoid those pitfalls we've faced; but there is learning in failure. We can only advise and warn you. You must face these experiences to build your arsenal of survival skills and weaponry for adversity. Love is good and bad! It tricks and trips you. It forces us to make bad decisions. You're in a good place right now. Choose wisely!
Yes, I advise you to prepare for the future; but enjoy your present. Some things in our lives are planned. Some are not. Predestined things that occur are for the formation of our future and success. There are things we have control over that will tie into our destiny. That's why we have free will. Please be accessible to nice young men who show interest in spending time with you. Let them know that you have plans and goals; and it is not your intention to alter those plans. Yet be flexible. Just explain you would love spending some time, and having some fun. I warn against casual-sex. That's how the heart gets stolen, but not for the right reasons. Not only that, but it's setting the stage for drama. Unplanned pregnancy, games, regret, and unnecessary distraction. If you've never loved before; keep sex out of it for as long as you can. Don't be pressured.
The heart will deceive you, the mind will set you straight.
If they seem to be getting too close, and your can't reciprocate those feelings; be honest. Remind them that you have set your goals and cannot be taken off course. They will try to, and that doesn't necessarily mean they want to commit to you; they simply enjoy being with you.
Set your goals, enjoy your youth, look forward to your future; but live in the present. Just because you've never had a boyfriend doesn't mean you never will, or that you have to have one right this moment. You need to discover yourself, determine the personality-types in men that is your match, and to practice connecting with men. You need the exposure; so you know what men are not right for you, and the best match. Get to know who to avoid, and who not to. You have to have balance. Not be purely focused on what you plan to do; but also know how to deal with day to day living. Life is in the present and you should enjoy it; and feel blessed for every moment you open your eyes and draw a breath. Young women often feel there is a time-table for love, marriage, and children. Child-bearing years are limited; but there is no limit to the time you will and can find love. Those who realize that love is evasive; but comes when it is the right time for you, enjoy life so much more. Not waste precious time wringing their hands in anguish and frustration. While youth and life slips away!
I don't! I have had the benefit of good parents, good family, mentors, educators; and these good people on this site.
Yes, my dear. Date, and enjoy being a young lady on her journey. Let no man take you off your path; but live and learn as you make your way into your womanhood. I know this was long, but I love the opportunity to help young men and women on their journey.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 August 2015):
 One of the sadest questions ever. With a defeatist attitude like this i'd guess there really is no point in dating. You sound like the relationship with the job is your partner, so why worry?
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