A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First let me say, thank you all for reading this and helping me out the best you can.Here is the situation I am facing:My ex fiancee and I were together for almost 4 years. We have a child in common. He has lied and cheated on me quite a bit. I have lied to him, I am no angel.We split apart, because things just were not working. We both lived seperately. Him with his child and me with both of mine (including the one we share). At one point we decided to get back together, but soon found out that it was all a lie, he never stopped the other relationships he had going and was actually already living with another woman (this woman told me so when she was confronted).In all this time all I have ever wanted was for him to come home and be with me and work on the two of us and our family unit. For some reason, he still hasn't to this day and does not talk about his feelings to me, even though I have told him mine plenty of times. I have been offered a few dates and have refused those dates because I am just not ready to move on. I want to take this time to reflect on myself and make changes in me. I have had some health problems and I am getting those worked on as well.I get confusing signals from him, for the longest time he would tell me how much he missed me and needed me and wanted me (while still being with this other woman). I would beg for him to just come home, and my pleading has been ignored.We are very love/hate at this point. Recently he had a health scare and in the middle of the night he text me asking where I was asking for "his wife" as he always used to call me. He asked if i have lost interest in him and our life together. This broke my heart and i wanted like hell to run to his side, but how could I? His new GF was there. When she is around he is not nice to me, but when she is not around he talks to me with no trouble. I feel as though SHE is the one who is interfering in our reunion and it drives me insane. She is not a nice person and is not respectful of me. Someone please help me sort this out. I am wondering if he is now somehow trapped in the situation he created, or he just doesn't know what he wants...what do I do or say to assure him that I am still in love with him and want him more now than I ever did? Is there any hope here or am I just waiting (alone) and wasting my time? I have told him everything I still feel for him OVER AND OVER, but he will NOT tell me his feelings and lay it all out there on the line, I am wondering if that is because of HER, I am so confused about this whole thing.
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cheated on me, fiance, get back together, move on, text, trapped Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, OtherStarfish  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 When the children point at him and say who are you again?
I think he is a fool he is suing you to copensate for the areas the other woman can't reach as he cant be with you the answer is obvious.
say good -delete his number and block him - bye. Then go find someone worthwhile, who truley loves you.
Hugs Star.x.
A
female
reader, Klara  + ♥, writes (1 May 2009):
yeah who cares. I would say don't even think about him. Just forget it..still to the facts..and when when you find yourself wanting to talk to him ,message him, just say no to yourself, you can be strong and smart and start using other more reliable and supportive people..say.. whatever, i'm not turnign to him.
he said ----the fact that we can't be together---
so there is the fact. just let him GO. there is no point analysing him as it will just consume you, it is nothign to do with you now- what a loser he chooses to be , it is not your responsibility to change him. perhaps its time for you to analyse yourself..time to just start working on focusing on building the life you deserve and need and not worrying about him or her or whatver. you have a beautiful child and he/she needs you now.. and you start visualising meeting some intelligent loving guy...dream big..and it will happenx
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (1 May 2009):
 I hope Karma does catch up with him the say what goes around comes around be patient his cheating devious ways will catch up with him and you make sure your well away from him when it does as he wont be one happy bunny!
He is a user he can switch the charm on like a tap you have seen him for what he is worth now, move on dont look back as they say take care.
Gina
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. A little update: Last night we had a conversation where again he tells me how much he loves me and that he wishes our past was not an issue, but it is. Then tells me yet again that he still loves me and the fact that we can't be together hurts him so very much. Can I just say....now its sounding like he is laying it on pretty damn thick, doesn't it? But why? He talks to me when he is alone and if I text him at the wrong time, he says he is not alone but will get back to me when he is. He hides what he says to me behind her back. we were in the middle of a conversation last night and he then tells me, she is there and wants to know if we can talk tomorrow instead. I agree to it. Would it be better to just break off all contact at this point? He doesn't even ask about his child, does not support the child, and does not want to follow the rules to see the child. OMG, you guys are making so much sense and while it kills me...he is NEVER going to change. His background is the same, he left his ex (whom he has another child with) and moved with me, and have come to find out that he has another child that he does not claim, but going by the birth date of that child, he got his ex and this other woman pregnant at the same time.
He moves woman to woman and fathering children that he has no intention of ever taking care of. At least he was smart this time, he got involved with several other women who all have their tubes tied. Oh and yes, I have been checked by a doctor because of all the cheating and I am clean (one blessing). Maybe its time to wake up and see what I have right in front of me...and STOP turning down the dates I am being offered to go on.
BIG QUESTION: Why is it that he gets to be happy and move on to someone new and leaves me with all these broken dreams, promises, heartache and confusion? Shouldn't he be the one suffering and not me? Will Karma ever catch up?
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (30 April 2009):
He has lied and cheated on you quite a bit and your still willing to take him back for me that tells me you are really in love with him cause not many women would do this some would tell him to take a hike, i can understand if you have felt so much love for him and if he felt that way back but he clearly doesn't and the fact he is still with someone else right now tells me he is not that into you as you are him.
This will be very hard for you but i think if your getting your life back on track and getting your own health problems sorted out then maybe you need time to reflect on what it is you feel your getting from this relationship cause it looks very one sided to me and that is no good for you, as for the girlfriend well she probably sees you as a threat to her and him and that is why she is vile to you i dont think there is much you can do to change her i would ignore her people like that are not worth the energy you spend trying to get them to see reason.
For now your fella seems content with her and i think you need to move on now sorry! cause if he really wanted to be with you and could not bear the thought of losing you he would be with you and not her, she cannot have that much of a hold on him he seems to me a guy who will pretty much do what he wants and no woman will stop him so i dont see her making him stay he is there with her cause he wants to be.
Take time to think about all this and eventually i think you will see this in a different light, you and your children deserve to be treated with more respect than this guy is showing, you have only one life dont waste it, take care.
Gina
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A
female
reader, Klara + ♥, writes (30 April 2009):
four years is a long time sure , and you must have been through a lot together, but i feel the other responder is right. It's not good enough what this guy is doing.
You don't know the whole story.. there is a third girl..ofcourse she is not respectful to you ..but that is more like a survival of the fittest reaction or soemthing..i wouldn't even blame her(though i know you feel this) but he is the one screwing with her over too..
he obviously trusts you and has a bond with you, feels to turn to you in times of need, but he is no good for you.
If you could work on yourself as you say then you would see this. You would see that him calling on your help at his low points is just completely selfish of him, and he's putting guilttrips on you as he can't stand on his own two feet. He perhaps doesn't even want to.. he likes this situation even though he'd say he doesnt..
four years however long though, is not the be all and end all. You DESERVE someone who is loving caring, ot playing guilt trips, knocking you to the side when he has this other girl there or whatnot. I know you have not been an angel..maybe this is a response to him not opening up to you though. I feel you need a guy who is emotionally there for you, and he can't give you that or possibly won't. If you could build yourself up, do things you want, move on and get out there, focus on working on letting him go- talking to ppl about it, reminding yourself of yourself and your best interests..you could really live a wonderful life and perhaps find someone really perfect for you...
but wiill you is the question..is this situation going to change? why should it be open ended, it should be clear, now it is changing or now it is not, make the decision base on that, as you DESERVE the best.
best
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A
male
reader, OtherStarfish +, writes (30 April 2009):
He is just not into you enough to be with you. He has lots of cake and gets to eat it.What do you get ? nothing that i can see.
I would dump him, forget him and go find someone who really really loves you. One who you dont have to fight the GF for.
Star.x.
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