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Is there a such thing as a monogamous loyal man or is that a rare animal?

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Question - (30 June 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2012)
A female United States age 51-59, *emeplev writes:

A male older friend of mine and I had a conversation about infedility and marriage etc...My question to all you men and or women is do you agree with my male friend that ALL men if given the opportunity for SEX will take it married or not because supposedly men dont view a night of sex as a reflection on whether they love their wives or not...hmmmm so ALL men are cheaters? and what if a woman did that? he would be devastated no?

SO is there a such thing as a monogamous loyal man or is that a rare animal? Im beggining to believe that at this point in my life that it is a rare rare rare man that can and will be faithful loyal and monogomous which renders all woman powerless and sad., in my opinion.

Thanks all :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012):

Yes there are plenty of decent guys out there but in today's society were the ones that are getting screwed over. I'm one of them. It's very hard on the male side to. We don't know if women are going to turn out to be a gold digger, reformed slut looking for a man now just to pay for her and a baby and with no fault divorce we don't know if we're going to get traded in for a bigger meal ticket we are very cautious to. I use to pride myself on treating a woman with respect and treating her we'll but now I'm in my thirties I've had one to many females think it was there right to friend zone the decent guy in there 20's so they could have no strings attached fun with any a hole then expect to exhume the guy from the friend zone when she reaches her 30's once she's had her fun and ready for a meal ticket when she wants to have kids. Most of us decent guys are weary and defensive to protect themselves we don't just fall out of trees and you pass us every day in the street but do nothing. You've got to give a little to get.

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A female reader, demeplev United States +, writes (30 June 2012):

demeplev is verified as being by the original poster of the question

demeplev agony auntThank you, No I have had wonderful relationships and I am NOT single...lol but I think I too agree that mens idea of loyalty is very different than womans...I have so many more male friends than women all my life..and most of my friends go into their 70's and ALL the men I know have had at least an incidence of one time atleast in their lifetime of an "unkown" indiscretion but looooved their wife/girlfriend! so this is where I became sour the thought sickened me as I am loyal to a fault and somewhat deciding maybe that isnt such a smart way to be. Thank you ALL wonderful advice and input peace and love!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (30 June 2012):

CindyCares agony auntRecent American studies ( Indiana University, NorthWestern Chicago , and others ) concur in placing at 20 % to 25 % the percentage of cheating men .

But, another recent study commissioned by an Italian lawyers' association called AMI says that 55% of Italian men (and , tbh, 45% of women ) have cheated at least once. The percentage goes up to 70% for France.

Never marry an European :).

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

Don't listen to him, I know plenty who don't cheat.Are happy with their wives and girlfriends have been for years.There are predatory single women out there who will try to entice a man, so its up to the men to decide.

Most don't want the drama,have values,respect and love their partners too much.Why risk it all for a fling or one night stand.

The people who come on here are the ones who are unlucky.Look around you,family,people you know, shopping centres wherever, there are way more happy couples than your friend seems to think.Perhaps HE is trying to justify what he has done.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (30 June 2012):

person12345 agony auntI think the number is that about 22% of married men have cheated. So not only is it not rare, it's far more common that they won't cheat than that they will. Any man who claims that all men do _____ is simply trying to normalize and excuse his own behavior, as in since all men will cave to temptation he can't be expected to resist. Beware the "all men do ____ guys" in general.

I sincerely hope your friend doesn't honestly believe all men are so weak, it's pretty insulting to men.

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A male reader, Presario2010 United States +, writes (30 June 2012):

I have a girl and i would never cheat on her with another girl actually i dont even look at other girls like that anymore, when i go somewhere were there are girls and plenty of them and they try to hit on me i jsut ignore them and in no way if i ever get the chance will ever cheat on her, i feel sick thinking about this, maybe that is why you are still single, because you have been hurt too much in the past and see men as you so the past men in your life as cheaters but this is normal when we encounter an error we TRY not to do it again, so sorry but not all men are like this and sorry to hear that you never got the chance to have a happy fufilling relationship with someone it is wonderful, coming from a guys perspective

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012):

They are rare. We may think we know monogamous men but actually... if we really knew the full truth about the people we know I think we'd be shocked. In my experience, a man might chose to be fully monogamous at some point in his relationship, but he will see it as a sacrifice, it will be hard for him, and I doubt very much that he was monogamous the entire way through the relationship. I've never met a man who hasn't done something which have been constituted as cheating at some point in their life. Or at least, would have been willing to if the woman involved didn't stop things when they found out they had a partner.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (30 June 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThere are such things as monogamous, loyal men, I raised two of them, both my sisters are married to a further two, many women who i mix with on a daily basis are married to, or in relationships with, monogamous, loyal men. I refute the statement all men will accept sex when offered, regardless. I've seen a single woman friend of mine do her darndest with a married man who was horrified at her advances, he knew she knew he was married.

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