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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've only known my boyfriend for eight months and we've been dating for sixth months but it has been an on and off relationship. The first few weeks or month was everything I ever wanted to be in a relationship where my boyfriend would take me out to dinner once in a while, open doors for me, walk by the beach late at nights just talking about what we like and dislike and how our days went. It was a simple and fun relationship. Until, I realized how jealous he would get when I'm talking to my guy-friends. Where I work there is a majority of males and there's no avoiding making male-friends. It bothered him that I talk to a lot of guys and even after telling him many times that they are my friends, he doesn't trust me. So, for a while I stopped talking to my guy-friends, I would avoid them whenever possible because I really like my boyfriend a lot that I would do that for him. A few days after doing, we were back to normal. Then one day, we were going back to his place and there were a few guys just hanging out by the side walk and I couldn't help but to look to their direction and wonder what they were doing and as we got to my boyfriend's place, he turned from normal to angry. He started asking "Do I like one of the guys that were outside his place?" and "Was I checking them out?" At that point in my life, none of the guys I've dated have ever questioned me about just looking around because I was curious and the fact that he was yelling at me in anger scared me. I was lost at words. I couldn't say anything and he got more angry that I just stood there not answering any of his questions. Then I felt a tear drop on my cheeks and just ran out the door. We didn't talk for days after that incident until he texted to apologize and he even took anger management classes. I could go on about all the arguments and fights we've had, but the biggest mistake was what I did on Halloween. The night before Halloween, my boyfriend went to a party as his co-worker's house and he was so drunk that he didn't notice that his ride left without him. So, he called me in the middle of the night and I drove for an hour to get him and drove an hour back to my place because it turns out that he left his wallet and everything else in his friend's car. So, he stayed the night at my place and the next morning I told him I would take him to his friend's to get his stuff. When morning came, one of the guys I work with was walking past as we make our way to where my car was parked and I said "Good Morning" to him and I guess I said it too happily that my boyfriend got mad as we get in the car. Then there were two guys passing by the road and I just happen to look at them and my boyfriend just couldn't take it anymore and started arguing with me as I was driving. We stopped by his place to check if anyone was home so he can change before we went to his friend's place and because I was so mad that he just gets angry at everything that when he got off the car, I drove away. I regret driving away because I know he didn't have anything but his phone. Instead of telling me that I should go back for him, he just got extremely upset and told me to never talk to him ever again. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a week. I blamed myself for everything that happen. I couldn't take not talking to him so I tried texting him until finally, on his birthday, he replied and told me he would give me another chance. The night on his birthday we went out to eat and it was awkward because off everything that happened. I tried to play it cool. Ever since then, he still hasn't forgiven me for leaving him even though when he needed a favor, I would go out of my work schedule to do it just hoping that it would make things better. It hasn't been any better. Recently, I got a glance at his phone because someone texted him and the name under the contact was labeled "boo thang ******" and he never even put me as anything else on his phone contacts other than my name. I was curious who it was and the next day at work, I texted him asking if he knew any ****** and he told me that his ex's name is ******. Then afterwards he admitted that they've been talking again because his ex wanted to get back with him but he just hasn't made a decision yet. Ever since I left him on Halloween he has been "seeing two people" trying to figure out who is a fit for him, and I thought that by him giving me a second chance on his birthday meant that we were good. Until this day, he hasn't made his choice and even though I can say that I will wait however long it takes it hurts me knowing that it was over a long time ago. A few weeks ago, I got so upset I told him that if it comes to it, I'll make the decision that he should just go back with his ex. His reply being "if that is what you want" felt like million stab. Maybe it has been way long over and I just didn't want to accept it. What can I say? Just being with him makes me happy.Do you think there's still a chance? Or should I just make the decision for him?
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at work, co-worker, drunk, his ex, I work with, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, clueless8989  +, writes (2 January 2017):
He's very controlling. That's not a sweet thing at all. You're really lucky he's not with you anymore.
A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (2 January 2017):
I think the decision was made by his answer to his qs.. if that's what you want . Of course it isn't. But he is willing to emotional play you like a fiddle and let you know his ex is back in town .
I won't even address his anger as being honest I think you two are best on your own .if he's good enough to hang out with now and then without any sexual tension drop him to friend . If not just make a clean break .
You need to let this guy go ..If someone makes you their option ( as you are ) then remove yourself from the equation and let him have her .
Hard you say .. yes but this will let you know as if his feeling are true he will pursue you . If not you have your answer .
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 January 2017):
 I honestly cannot believe that in today's day and age, an educated woman is asking this question! Is your self esteem really this low? How can you not see the blatant obviousness of the situation? OP this man will kill you one day if you don't get away right now. He's abusive, he's a loser, he's spineless, insecure, a disgusting excuse for a human being. And HE gets to choose? Please!! I feel so bad for the girl who eventually ends up with him!
Just cut him out of your life this instant and block him forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017): Dropping him off and driving away was the best thing you could have done to him because he is using you.
If you could get your head around that you'd be in a much better situation.
He resents you and he intends to show it with hot and cold behaviour for as long as it takes to keep you under his thumb and when words dont work it will come to blows.
You've already figured that he just cant help his jealous rage yes?
But you're wrong!
He has his jealous rages to keep you under his control. If possible he would keep you in a constant state of anxiety about whether he is pleased or displeased.
Ending it will be in your hands because as long as you are willing to do so much for him he will keep coming back!
This guy thinks he is keeping you under his thumb by his sad manners and as you're young I would like to wish you a lifetime of happiness rather than a life time of stress and anxiety about a manipulative insecure guy.
I know that it wont be an easy thing for you to decide but imagine if you had children together how much worse it would be!
Imagine if the situation were reversed and you lashed out at him every time he did something you didnt like!
Would wouldnt think highly of him would you?
No, you would be calculating your next move and knocking him back into his hole if he wasnt being servile to you!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 January 2017):
 By all means you should make the decision for him !
If being with a lunatic with unresolved anger issues, who freaks out and scares you to the point of tears if you just happen to look at casually, or say " Hi " to, other males, makes you happy- I wonder what is it then that makes you unhappy !... One hundred lashings ?? Torture ??
I think , regardless, that you answered your own question : " It has not been any better ".
You jump trough hoops to make him happy... and he does not reciprocate, to put it mildly.
Oh and btw, he has not been seeing two people, he has been cheating on you.
He did not inform you that he was seeing another person already, and he did not give you the possibility to make an informed decision whether you wanted to date not exclusively, or not. For all you knew , you thought in good faith that you had gotten back together officially and exclusively, AND HE KNEW THAT. So no amount of quibbling about the meaning of " giving a second chance " can change the fact that he is a devious, cheating son of a gun.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 January 2017):
 Sweetheart, you've had a very lucky escape. Instead of hanging around waiting for this nasty, malicious, jealous, angry Piece of Work to decide between you ad another a if you were two pieces of meat in a butchers shop, pick up your skirts and run for the hills.
I pity the poor girl he does eventually chose.
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