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Is talking on chat lines a form of cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 October 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *rst writes:

my husband has recently been talking on this chat line invu, he stay up all night talking to women about things that are inappropriate,i have talked to him about it and he is staying on it. he say it isn't cheating because it is not real, I think it cheating, can you tell me what steps i need to take to let him know that this is a form of cheating or am i over reacting.

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A female reader, fairytail United States +, writes (18 October 2009):

fairytail agony auntI would say yes it is I have done it and it leads to only problems in the marraiage. It can lead to an emotional affair so I would keep close tabs on your hubby's activities. IT happens more than you think these days. I would definitley have a one on one chat with him... good luck! :)

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A female reader, fairytail United States +, writes (18 October 2009):

fairytail agony auntI would say yes it is I have done it and it leads to only problems in the marraiage. It can lead to an emotional affair so I would keep close tabs on your hubby's activities. IT happens more than you think these days. I would definitley have a one on one chat with him... good luck! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009):

It seems strange you describe the content as inappropriate and not sexual. Though everyone seems to have assumed that there is a budding romance here is that what you believe is going on ? If that is the case then you are asking if its ok for him to cheat.

On the other hand is it inappropriate because you just dont like him talking to her full stop. People can just talk over the net innocently you know and if thats the case with them then that could be why he wont stop.

Only you know whats going on. I found your Q a bit ambigou umm confusing.So yes it is wrong to cheat but its ok to chat. A solicitor can explain to him and you the differences and all the pro's and cons of both.If he is cheating. Do make sure you print his chatlogs out and take them allong. If he's dull enough to do this in front of you i doubt he's bright enough to delete them.

Not much you can do about him just chatting. But have you considered taking a hammer to the pc.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (13 October 2009):

AuntyEm agony auntGrrrr it makes me so angry to hear another relationship is being destroyed via the internet. To dat I have 9 close friends who's partners have all strayed in this way and 5 of them lead to divorce.

If you have already spoken to your husband about this and he is still doing it, you can be sure he has no intention to stop. It is cheating...if not physical then only a matter of time.

Gather evidence if you can, copies of e-mails or chat scripts. Record him on tape if you have to. It all acts as evidence in a divorce court and if he is found to be adulterous, you could walk away with the whole lot.

Do not put up with this. Even leaving a divorce lawyer appointment card where he can find it, may give him a kick up the butt.

One particular friend of mine was frustrated at her husbands internet adultery, that she tried to kill herself. He husband swore blind he wasn't still doing it and basically told her she was crazy. When it all came out, he was found to be dating 3 women behind her back and spending the family funds on gifts for these women. My friend is now divorced, has custody of their two kids and was awarded the house and car.

If your husbands willing to risk his whole life on flirting with some faceless woman then I say more fool him.

Aunty Em xx

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (13 October 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntIts emotional cheating...plain and simple...your husband is addicted to it.

I think cancelling his account will be a good first step, and perhaps getting him into marriage counseling.

I mean take a look at some of the posts here with Facebook or Myspace tags. even IM or chatroom tags.

If your husband is defending this by saying its not real, he is lying to you, because its real to him. Thats what is called "Projection".

Take him offline, if you don't its going to get worse, and he may end up sending and or receiving pics from these girls. And then whats next? A meeting in a hotel room?

Sorry if I seem out of line, but Ive seen this happen a number of times. what starts out as a little seemingly harmless flirting ends with a full blown physical affair.

I would present him with the fact that he could be spending the chat time rediscovering why he fell in love with you in the first place.

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A female reader, penelopepitstop United Kingdom +, writes (13 October 2009):

penelopepitstop agony aunti dont think it is, its one step away from meeting her and cheating yes i do think that, i dont think theres anything wrong with a harmless bit of flirting, unless hes planning on taking it further..so tell him your ok with him chatting as long as thats all it is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

What your husband is doing is definitely not ok. He should not be chatting it up with strange women on the internet until the wee hours of the morning. He should not be chatting it up with strange women on the internet about inappropriate things. He should not be doing this at all.

You need to set clear healthy boundaries with this guy and tell him 'NO WAY'. If he can not honour that than I would kick his ass to the curb.

What he is doing is a form of cheating on you. I am sorry.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009):

you are not over reacting.

online chatting with inappropriate content is cheating.

it starts in the mind. well to test his theory about cheating. you go online and have inappropriate sexual talks with other men.

you need to put a stop to him before it gets out of hand. he may tell you it is harmless talk etc. bulldust. flirting, chatting all to make him look and feel good. no way. end this now before your life becomes a nightmare. TELL HIM OUTRIGHT TO STOP.

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A female reader, Sammycake United Kingdom +, writes (13 October 2009):

Sammycake agony auntIt's a tricky one - you feel betrayed because he'd rather talk 'inappropriately' to other women, but he doesn't see anything wrong with it. In my eyes, it is cheating. No, he's not being physical with them, but the gravity of the emotional side is astronomical.

You could ask him how he would feel if you were talking inappropriately to other men, and if he responds with something along the lines of 'hurt', 'betrayed' etc, then you have every right to demand he stops talking to them. He's your husband, he's meant to put your best interests first. Drill it into him, even if it means having to carve it into his forehead that you're uncomfortable with it.

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