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age
22-25,
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writes: Perhaps it is my age, given that I am a sophomore in high school, or that I am just flat out stupid, but my ex girlfriend has caused issues yet again.I will not use names, so let's call her.... 'K'. And me as, 'A'.Freshman year of high school has ended, summer is here, and I'm stressed for it to be over. Not because of the fact it's a new year, but because of my ex.K is a very nice girl, but she has her flaws. Big flaws. She is much too over sexual, and kind of a backstabber. We were good together. Our families approved of one another, and it was smooth sailing. Until our texts started to escalate. Now note, I am a gentleman, but I set boundaries. I will not be a placemat, for anyone.Week 2: One day, I decided that I had enough of her "playfulness" so to speak. So, I told her (via text) that I am a man of morals, and will not have my lines crossed. I called her, she was crying. 2 hours later, everything was fine.Week 3: I found out just how much trouble I had gotten into. I asked her how many ex's she had. 23. A few went to our school, but most didn't. I figured I could work through it. Note: I was her first quality boyfriend.Week 4: my mom found out about our text messages, and wasn't mad at me. Nor K really, but she wanted us to cool it. Understandable. I wanted her to chill too. But my mom told K's mom. K got yelled at, and was told she wasn't allowed to date me. I was very unhappy. Depressed even.Week 5: we started dating in secrecy. She said she was very stressed because it was nearing the end of fourth quarter and she had 4 F's, and a secret boyfriend. I offered to break up with her, to relieve some stress. She was ok with it, I was ok with it, and we were friends.(Note: she said she didn't want a boyfriend, too stressful)Week 6: I see her holding hands with my best friend. Lines crossed. I was steaming mad at her, and straight up blew a fuse, only a day later. It went well for me. I got to let off some build-up, and she realized that I stand by my morals, and I have lines that cannot be crossed. She didn't talk to me for 2 days, and I got hate from her and her friends. I couldn't care less. I knew what I had done, and it was well justified.Week 7: she apologized, and I finally accepted after another week. We were friends again. But there was a catch. She still liked me.Week 8, final week of the year: I told her I might still like her, but she was going to have to change if we were going to be together again. She has 3 months to change. (Note: my friend broke up with her on the very last day)After telling her I wasn't sure if I liked her, or if this is even a good idea to date next year, I would think on it over the summer.And here I am, asking help on a (very reliable) website. I need to know if dating her again is a good idea, or if I'm just gonna get pushed around, treated like a toy, and all around hated. (Final note: if I was a jerk to my friends, like most guys in high school are, she would get mad and not talk to me until I apologized to them. That's kind of how I operate. Never mean to her, or her friends, just mine)So, is it worth it, or should I stay away from her?I need some serious help from you all! Thank you for any answer/feedback-The Professor
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 June 2014):
 I have to agree with YouWish.
You may think you are the "best catch" she has had, but you are also the ONE guy who doesn't TAKE her for who she is. You want HER to change for YOU. She isn't "good enough" for you the way she is. Then you know what? She isn't someone you should be with.
I know you are young, and have no real dating experience (nothing wrong with that at your age) but dating someone means you want to BE with THAT person. NOT change them into someone else. Someone that is more like yourself. NO. If that is what you want, DATE someone MORE like yourself. She isn't it.
I have one teen and one "almost" teen, I know from them both how MANY of their classmates "date" the "flavor" of the week. It's not serious dating, it's more of a "pretend to be adult" thing going on. Pretty normal. It doesn't make her immoral.
Your ex is like the proverbial butterfly fluttering from flower (boy) to flower because she has NO clue what she really wants or what being in a relationship really entails. (again, NORMAL for your age group).
Now nipping the "overtly sexual" texts in the bud is a good thing, but.. again.. you need to learn some tact here. YOU made her think there is something WRONG with her. to quote you... "I'm a man of morals.. " come off your high horse. You having morals is a good thing, but it doesn't make you "better" than others. You think it does.
Don't date her. She pushes the wrong buttons on you. And you in turn treat her callous.
You also think it's OK to be "mean" to YOUR friends and I have to ask why? Being HONEST with your friends is one thing but being mean? That is how YOU can end up friendless, because there will be a time where these so called "friends" will have had enough of you.
YouWish is right. YOU really need to learn how to treat people right. IT is a VITAL social skill.
Stop being so quick to judge HER and everyone else and take a little time to LOOK inwards and at your OWN behavior - towards HER and others around you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): Stay away from her. She'll benefit from being away from you. She seriously needs to speak with her parents and sort out her problems with people who are more experienced and can actually help her. A sophomore in high school can't do much besides offer words and an ear for listening.
This method of storytelling leads me to believe that your post is not genuine. Patting yourself on the back with "Note: I was her first quality boyfriend" and signing your post with "The Professor" and then placing a three-month limit of when K could change...
Either you've got everything figured out as a high school student or you're overconfident.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Do not date another woman until you learn how to treat them.
Let me clarify using your own words:
1. "So, I told her (via text) that I am a man of morals, and will not have my lines crossed."
I seriously hope you didn't tell her like that. It's okay to want to slow down, but to scold and shame her for her affection is not cool.
2. "Week 5: we started dating in secrecy" Your first morals should be to your parents and hers as well. You shouldn't have done that.
3. "Week 6: I see her holding hands with my best friend. Lines crossed. I was steaming mad at her, and straight up blew a fuse, only a day later. It went well for me. I got to let off some build-up, and she realized that I stand by my morals, and I have lines that cannot be crossed."
Uhh, this is where you seriously went off the rails, and you were so out of line with her with this. You were her EX. You crossed HER lines. You were broken up, and she doesn't ever have to answer to you for what she does after you both are no longer together. You blowing fuses? You should have taken your FRIEND to task, not her. She did nothing wrong, because you dumped her.
And that's another thing. You give her a 3-month ultimatum? For what? She's your friend, not your girlfriend, and you are being the biggest and most serious jerk to her. I can see why she didn't want you to be a jerk to your friends, and you're being an even bigger one to her. You don't deserve her, and I hope she wises up and stops liking you.
Yes, you should stay away from her because you don't know how to treat her, nor your friends either. You can't talk down to her. A relationship is between equals, and your statement about you being her first quality boyfriend is not correct. You are cruel to her for your own reasons, just as you are mean to your friends. Nothing you've said from Week 2 onward talks anything about how you cherished her or treated her well. It was all about YOU wanting the treatment you deserve, you justifying unloading your verbal diarrhea on her when she wasn't your girlfriend, you going behind your mom's back in secret after announcing that you'll not be crossed because of your morality.
You need to treat people better, Professor.
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