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Is she just with me because I pay for everything? I'm not whom she would normally date

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *ersey973 writes:

im 24 yrs old and my girlfriend is 28 yrs old. We have been together for abt 2 months and have been living together for 1 month. I recently got out of a relationship and was very hurt. I love this girl alot and even though she says she loves me alot and can see us being married im in quistion if she really does. She just lost her job and iv been paying all the bills since she lost her job a month ago. I often quistion her if she really loves me or not. When we 1st met I was just the guy tht came over for sex and tht was tht. never thought she was really feeling me like tht because I was out of her norm as in hight, wight, and skin tone. now all of a sudden shes madly inlove with me after 2-3 weeks of getting to kno who I was outside of the ocassional sex. Pls I need some advice!!!!

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (1 September 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntWow, like the other poster stated you two have been dating for 2 months and you've already shacked up together for a month now? Moving pretty fast isn't it?

So in the 2-3 weeks time she got to know you, is that when she lost her job? Is she even actively looking for a new job?

The only way to really see if she loves you is to stop paying for all her bills, rent, etc. Give her a X amount of time to obtain a job, say in the 3 months, then cut her off financially. See if she stays with you.

See, you two should be splitting everything down the middle. If she cannot afford to pay for her place and bills, then you shouldn't be living and supporting her. It's not your job to. YOU'RE GETTING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. She needs to move back home with parents or a relative till she gains back her financial independence.

CUT HER OFF, financially speaking.

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (1 September 2011):

PerhapsNot agony auntI don't quite understand you. You said that "you love this girl a lot" after knowing her only for 2 months. If you love her as you say, why do you have a hard time believing that she loves you back? Is it rooted in your own insecurities because she never dated a person of your height, weight and skin color? You cannot say something like "all of a sudden shes madly inlove with me after 2-3 weeks of getting to kno who I was outside of the ocassional sex" because the SAME can be applied to YOU. How could you have gotten to know her and fall in love her if your relationship was based on casual sex?

Ask yourself: is this just a rebound for you? Why did you move in together after knowing each other only for a month? Is it because it was financially impossible to live on your own and you needed someone to split the bills with? In either case, you two have not known each other long enough to sustain financial problems. She lost her job and now you have to pay up and bear the financial burden until she find employment. This is hard on people who have mature, respectful relationships/marriages over many years, much less someone in your situation. It's all up to you: will you stay with her and take on the financial responsibility, or do you leave?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

Wake up and smell the coffee. You just got out of a relationship, have known this woman 2 months and have been living with her for a month already???? SLOW DOWN!!!

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A male reader, mistermann United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2011):

You have to be careful what you do. If you question somebody's love too often, there is the possibility that you could drive them away.

The fact is, nobody can tell you if she really loves you except her. It is up to you to either trust what she is saying or trust your instincts if you don't think something is right.

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