A
male
age
36-40,
*unnowtf
writes:Ok, me and my fiance or whatever you would call it, have been together about 3 years. In the last year, shit has turned fucked up excuse my language. The first 2 years was perfect, i just got layed off of my carpentry job when the economy took a shit and it looked like i couldn't hold a stable job, so i turned around and used my college certificates to nail a job that was much more stable. I just meet her and she was having a hard time holding down a condo which she had to have a room mate in which to afford. It came to the point in which I couldn't stand the room mate so I decided to move us out of the condo and into an apartment in which better met my budget. She didn't adjust well at first because it was smaller then what she was used to but eventually became attuned to me taking care of all the bills and responsibility. Everything was great within this year, she treated me like i was a king with all the perks such as constant sex, food , and household chores done without question. At the end of the lease they wanted to raise my rent which I, as a man would normally do, declined to pay more and decided to move into my moms house to save up. This was also the time she found out she was pregnant with my child. We stayed with my mom for about 6 months and tensions between them became so high that I had to take action. So we decided to invest the money we had into a very nice manufactured home which we got a killer deal for about 6 grand. She happened to enroll into a masters program to complete her degree and was paid about 3500 per semester and was able to put down about 4 thousand towards the house due to student loans while i put down the other 2. After about 5 months after we purchased the house, which we totally remodeled and nearly tripled the value because of MY family, began degrading and disrespecting her for her lack of commitment and responsibility towards our fiances. She didn't respect me for making all the the payments for ALL the bills and we became somewhat hostile towards one another. It ended up so bad that she wrote out a 2 page letter stating everything i didn't do to her liking, which was like not doing dishes and other stupid shit, which i ignored because in my mind it was all nothing compared to what I do on a daily basic by making our life financially stable. She ended up hooking up with some chick from her school and was convinced she was 100% percent lesbian. Ofcourse, being a guy, I tried to get some three way action, which wasnt gonna happen, and ended up leaving in the long run because I couldn't afford to buy her out of the house. After a month, we hooked back up and been living together since. She claims shes not a lesbian and only a bi sexual but i still don't get the respect and sex i used to get, even when i take total care of her now. She constantly tells me I still resent her for the past actions which im sure i do but i still love her with all my heart. I constantly think about leaving because Im not entirely sure shes not lesbian or just using me for stability. She's been really depressed lately, even after completing the graduate program, and keeps saying i should stick it out because it will be worth it in the long run. I will admit a little of my intentions was about the money but now i just wanna be happy. She does take really good care of me now but some part of me cant forgive the past. No matter what, I constantly believe it was a act of cheating even tho it was with a girl but I'm not sure if I should fully accept the responsibility that it was my fault. Should I assume she is using me for stability? Every time i bring this issue up with her she acts like i didn't see her cry for distress. Also during this period of time we were seperated, I was banging this other chick which she rarely brings up in defense, just seems to be her only viable excuse to the whole situation. What the fuck should I think? Any thoughts will be appreciated since I can think of a million.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): It sure was an act of cheating man be it with a guy or lady. I get the feeling you somewhat embraced that and that encourages such behavior so its possible she may do it again since I dont get the impression you put your foot down on that.
I respect you pal and this woman I feel does not with this action so by that and that alone, it should tell to get out of the relationship regardless if shes the mother of your child or not. You can and will have a civil relationship with her and I wouldnt "duke it out" for the kids. My uncle is in that situation with his wife and he is absolutely miserable and depressed. I dont admire that at all as it shows cowardness towards ones personal well being. If you dont like something, dont complain, take action. I say this with great respect here tho man for you. Im not yelling at you bud. Im just trying to be real.
Chances are she may be around for security but from what ive heard you guys have had a lot of ups and downs so to me logically, I cant see her with you other than the fact you two have a sexual history which includes a child.
I get the sense youre better off on your own here and will somehow have to find a way to make peace with this woman given she is a mother. Two people cant get along and yet can still have a civil relationship that is driven by the child. Ive seen this. Its a rough route but I feel its a better option than this relationship as its sounds very toxic and unhealthy. My best to you on this.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Mutual Respect = Healthy Relationship
That first "good year" living together, the expectation bar was set too high. You rescued her. By the sound of it, she greatly appreciated it. So she put her best foot forward, but after a year, got tired of it.
As soon as she was able to pay (more than) her share on the manufactured home, play time ended. You were no longer the hero. You became an equal, and so the entire dynamic changed.
Relationships work best as a slow escalation of commitment and together-time. When we jump straight into playing house, there is little room for growth. People often "loose themselves" in loving each other. Unless we pay careful attention to balance and equality.
Thinking she was a "lesbian for a month" is sign she is still searching for her identity. This lack of identity was the rebound to the year of house play. During that time, her identity became = making you happy. She naturally rebounded in the opposite direction. Bother were an overreaction on her part, and so, she came back in a month.
Breaking up for a month is not enough time to find herself. Even if she realized it was a mistake. Frankly, you having sex with another girl didn't help your chances at happiness much.
If you had broken up for 6-months, you might have had a decent chance at a fresh start.
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