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Is she just an attention seeker? A flirt? Where so I draw the line with her?

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Friends, Social Media, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Where do you draw the line when you're a very flirty person and like the attention?

What I mean is my work colleague is a very flirty person, the touchy feeling type.

But where do you draw the line without making the person your flirting with get the wrong idea - so their start to think - maybe she really likes me! So my situation is..

she's always talking about me and her getting married,

even what ring she wants,

does get jealous of other girls I speak to.

Random Very close hugging ( 10secs +) during the day

Holding of hands

Looking at my lips while talking to me, then into my eyes, then to my lips - smiling

Inviting me over to hers for dinner.

Comments on " people are going to start to talk about me and her" " the way we hug people are going to think we're girlfriend and boyfriend"

Kissing on the cheek.

I wouldn't hold her hand, so she remarked " oh you got a girlfriend" I said no, cos you've got a boyfriend.

She got really annoyed when I remarked that she had a boyfriend.

Showing me pictures of her , wanted to send some - to which I said no.

Trying to take selfies with me on snapchat

So I didn't really know what to make of her, is she just an attention seeker, or just a flirt.... Or maybe she really does have some feeling her me. I just can't tell? Please help? Thanks .

View related questions: flirt, jealous

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (2 August 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSo you basically misled us with your question and made us write volumes on something that doesn't even hold true. Good.

What I don't understand is, what advice do you want? You made it look like she's after you with her heart and soul and now you say that you like her too. So what do you want us to tell you? Ask her out and word your questions and queries correctly henceforth. You yourself seem confused about what you want to ask.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 August 2016):

Honeypie agony auntSo ask her out?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (1 August 2016):

N91 agony auntIf you like each other then ask her out.

I don't see what advice you need here...

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (1 August 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI've seen quite a few posts like this recently and all I can say to each is that it's incredibly inappropriate for work behaviour. If you like her, asking her out is a good idea, but this has got to stop at work because it's incredibly unprofessional. She seems to like you, so asking her out will tell you if she's just attention-seeking or actually likes you. Put an end to the inappropriate actions during work, though.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016):

Hi, i wrote the question, the thing is she hasn't got a boyfriend shes been single for over a year, but she got annoyed when i said she did!!! The reason for asking the question wasn't about her and what she does at work, it was more to do with maybe her liking me and me liking her thats all. I can see where everyone thought shes after me, its not like that, we both sometimes go to fat woth our flirting, but never in front of anyone we work with, i promise nothing like that has ever happened. I think I've explained the question wrong. Sorry

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (1 August 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI completely agree with YouWish. This isn't flirting, this is full blown sexual harassment. You really need to let your boss know and then deal with this girl accordingly. Be very careful so that she doesn't turn the tables on you. She's just one step short of taking your hand and pushing it inside her skirt in any case. Please deal with this situation wisely. Keep all text messages or mails that she sends you and try to keep a record of your conversations with her. No more holding hands, no hugging, no conversations of a personal nature. Please set your boundaries immediately. Wanting to send you pics of her... My god... This is terrible!

When my husband was working in another city before he got married, a female colleague latched on to him. She would constantly find ways to try and talk to him and when he didn't entertain her, it turned into the worst kind of harassment. The difference here is that he didn't entertain her in ANY way at all from the very beginning so things didn't go as far as having personal conversations or hugs. Anyway, she started bombarding his phone with messages day and night, she entered his room at the place of work and almost fling herself at him and would even stop him midway on the road when he was walking in his university's campus and fall at his feet! Can you imagine the horror?

It took him very, very long to get rid of her and because this girl was in some way related to the Director of his Institute, it became even more difficult to deal with her.

It's scary how fast this woman is going in trying to "get" you. Please be careful of her, she spells nothing but danger.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

I was a bartender who got the same thing from this hot waitress that I worked with. It lasted just long enough for me to sell her my tickets to an upcoming concert and then her attention dried up and I missed the show.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (31 July 2016):

YouWish agony auntIf her attention is unwanted by you, you need to make that clear. What she's doing isn't "flirting", it's sexual harassment. If you switched genders, and it was a guy who's holding hands, initiating 10+ second hugs, and talking about marriage and constantly asking out a girl who is rebuffing him, then it's sexual harassment.

You should be drawing the line at TOUCHING! Long hugs and hand-holding are beyond inappropriate in a professional work setting.

And I'm going to be honest with you - you've let this go on way too long. You like the attention until it started making you feel uncomfortable. She's not being a flirt. Flirting is the smiling, the looks, and the compliments. It's not the touching, the discussing the future, or the jealousy. You need to stop ALL touching. Don't just blame it on her boyfriend, which, by the way, if you have any slight interest in her, watch how she treats her boyfriend behind his back. She is a cheat.

Tell her to stop what she is doing, no touching, no hugging, and that you wish to keep this strictly professional. She's only going to push it further and further until she finds a way to get you alone and then throw herself at you. She's almost there anyway!

If she doesn't stop, you need to take this to your boss. In fact, you might want to have a talk with him or her before you confront her, because there are many times where after you put the brakes on, she could report you out of spite. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So get your boss involved, THEN confront her. Be gentle, but be firm.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI think she is over the top and way inappropriate for most work environments.

I think SHE "thinks" she is having great banter with you, that it makes her feel good and wanted. And I think she believes you enjoy this as much as she does. So I think it's a mix of having no social filter (knowing what's professional and appropriate for work and extreme attention seeking).

However, it's still not appropriate for work.

And since she doesn't seem to know boundaries or how to be professional, YOU will have to be that person.

So, stop accepting hugs. She can go home and hug her BF. No holding hand and minimize ALL the "chats" that are NOT work-related. Just slowly disengage yourself from her. Be polite, be professional OR be blunt and tell her it's not professional.

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom + , writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntStop. Rewind. She has a boyfriend?

Well if she has a boyfriend and is behaving like this with you, and btw I am by no means convinced she wants things to go further, then that should set alarm bells ringing straight away. I am inclined to be really cynical - she is using you for something she isnt getting in her relationship and may push it further, you could even wind up having sex, but will you end up in a relationship out of it?? Highly, highly questionable and unlikely I would say - just look at how committed she is to her current partner.

If she's that unhappy and isnt getting what she needs from her partner she should either

a) be trying to resolve issues with him or

b) ending the relationship and making herself single and avaliable so someone else can give her what shes lacking.

Be very very wary of this one - even if she is after a bit more than flirty and she is interesting in possessing your sole affection, attention and would go far with you to secure that I dont think shes worthy of it - shes obviously not good with committment and even in the highly unlikely event you ended up together you will still end up with a broken heart because she will end up doing to you what shes doing to her current partner.

Leave well alone would be my advice.

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