A
female
age
30-35,
*inful_thinker89
writes:To begin I have this friend who when I first met was really nice! And really just cool-- I've known her about 2 years. When we first met I was engaged and she was single. Anyways last January I found out I was pregnant, we were so excited! Because when we were trying at one point it never happened but when we were just having fun and loving each other, I fell pregnant. My friend had then caught up with an old guy friend and they became more serious and she ended up moving to Colorado to be with him. All the while I'm completely happy for her. Later on in the year she decided she wanted to get pregnant, again happy and supportive. But then its like she would post little statuses on her Facebook about how when she is a mom, etc...and not that I really minded because to each their own. Later on had my daughter, and created a group called Mommyhood where other moms could share pics and advice and so on, I told her about it and she wanted to be in it so she was in it for a bit but really couldn't deal because she still wasn't getting pregnant, so she left the group we continued to be friends, then recently she told me how she was ready to be back added in the group (now she wanted in the group to ask advice on getting pregnant and so on). She moved back and her fiancé who is in the army and soon to get out, is still in Colorado. She thought she was pregnant and then she found out she isn't, she was upset and asked me to tell the ladies in the group. Now on Facebook she posts little statuses here and there, hinting about me. It's like I don't know what I did besides be there to support her. I guess she feels like I'm somehow rubbing it in her face that I'm a mom or something because I post about my daughter a lot. I do post a lot of pics and comments about her, but what new mom doesn't do that? It's nothing I'm doing to offend her or make her feel bad. But she has such an attitude towards me, of course unless she thinks she is pregnant then I'm her best friend. She acts like she is better now, like when I go to vent about my fiancé, she says things like, "It's a good thing I don't have to deal with that," or "I don't look at other men ever!"
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2012):
 I think she is struggling with not being able to become pregnant as fast as she would like.
If she keeps having a negative attitude maybe cut the chatter with her to a minimum for a while or .. hide your posts from her. Maybe he sees it as you rubbing it in her face. Even if, that is not your intent.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): I think it's too much for her to want a child and not be able to have one now while most of her friends are able to and that is totally understandable. I don't think you can understand that since you have a child so try to be a little more understanding and accept maybe that she can't navigate all of this very well at at the moment. Maybe it is best to not be a part of her life at the moment. Let her make new friends who are going through what she is and who really understand this. In time she may become pregnant or she may decide on adoption at which point you may or may not reconnect.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (10 March 2012):
Maybe she is over-sensitive and insecure if she thinks that everything you post about your daughter is to rub it in her face. on the other hand, have there been times when you have been insensitive to her for example being too wrapped up in the joys of mommyhood to really listen and empathize with her pain?
for example, I know people who, once they became mothers, stopped being interested in anything or anyone besides their kids. They dont' want to know what's going on in other people's lives, yet they want those same other people to be as into their lives and kids as they are. I'm not saying you are doing this, but maybe from your friend's perspective you are? This can be alienating to those other people if this continues indefinitely. on the other hand, if those other people don't want to hear about their friends' kids, they can just stop reading their friends' blogs that are devoted to their kids. (it's not like you are demanding that she read your blog about daughter, are you?)
if you can honestly say that you are not being insensitive towards her pain in any way, then I think there's nothing you should have to do differently. She wants to be where you are now, and it's not happening for her so she probably feels a mixture of sadness, anxiety and resentment. Those are her emotions to deal with. You could try to talk more about other things when you are with her and avoid talking about your daughter, knowing that this is a touchy subject for her. This may not be comfortable for you since being a mom is a very important part of your life you probably won't feel comfortable having to suppress this part of yourself when you're around your friend, but at the same time you can look at it as you have a lot of other friends with whom you can share this with openly - like the other moms in your group - so it's not a big sacrifice to de-emphasize this aspect of your life when you are with this one other friend, for now...?
Also some times friendships will just drift apart when people change and their lives take them in different directions and they no longer have enough in common to maintain a friendship. This doesn't have to be forever but maybe for now it is. If your friend is resenting you, it may be better to just let her be until she has got her life sorted out better, or until she has had a change in attitude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): I would say that she is simply having a hard time dealing with the fact she can't fall pregnant. I had a friend who was trying and couldn't fall pregnant, so she stopped contacting any friends who had children for a while, then come back, and go away again. The longing to have a child in her was so bad that she just couldn;t handle it. Not a good way to be, but some people are just like that. You have been a good and supportive friend, and very understanding. I know myself that when I found out that I can't have children, I tended to push away my friends that had kids, and was sick of seeing and hearing about their babies, not because I didn't like their children, or that I didn't value their friendship, I was just hurting so much that I was never going to be able to have one of my own. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I could not have my own children, and I surely wasn't trying to hurt or disrespect my friends, I was simply hurting that much, I needed to take time to accept my situation. She may be jealous of you, but she may just be hurting so bad at not getting pregnant that it's not jealousy at all, just the hurt and it's her way of coping. I know it's not pleasant to be in your position, not having your friend's support. I am just offering a possible explanation. I hope this helps, Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Tampababy46 +, writes (10 March 2012):
I can sympathize with your friend. Not that you are doing anything wrong- you really aren't, but I can understand where she is coming from. I am 26 and was in a serious relationship before most of my friends. I was engaged and planning to start a family, but then things changed. Now I'm the single one whose friends all have babies or serious relationships. It's not that she is upset with you or doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. It's probably just that she is impatient about getting pregnant and doesn't know how to deal with seeing how happy your baby makes you. Have you tried talking to her about this situation specifically? If you want to keep your friendship I would suggest you try telling her you've noticed she's acting differently with you. Try and understand that she's probably going through a lot since she's having trouble conceiving. I would guess she's really upset about that and isn't meaning to take it out on you. That still doesn't give her a right to be snotty towards you, so the best thing you can do is talk to her about it. It will probably do a world of good for her to open up to you and for you to get what's bothering you off your chest. Just try and be understanding because it doesn't seem like she's being outright nasty with you.
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